Dating a virgin for the first time.

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Nades
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28 Oct 2021, 3:10 am

hurtloam wrote:
A job isn't letting someone who could potentially hurt you penetrate your body... well not usually.

It's different. You need to find someone you trust to make that step. She hasn't found anyone yet.


The biggest concern I have is that she hasn't even started dating until she was 29. It's not so much a case of she hasn't found anyone yet but more she hasn't even bothered looking until a very late stage.

Naturally, man or woman, it makes people wonder if such a person is actually into dating, relationships or sex at all.



hurtloam
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28 Oct 2021, 3:28 am

Nades wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
A job isn't letting someone who could potentially hurt you penetrate your body... well not usually.

It's different. You need to find someone you trust to make that step. She hasn't found anyone yet.


The biggest concern I have is that she hasn't even started dating until she was 29. It's not so much a case of she hasn't found anyone yet but more she hasn't even bothered looking until a very late stage.

Naturally, man or woman, it makes people wonder if such a person is actually into dating, relationships or sex at all.


Sure. She's got a reason. There's lots of non-sinister possibilities. We don't know what it is. Only she knows. You'll have to ask her, but she might be too shy to tell you.

What do you want from us?



Nades
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28 Oct 2021, 4:26 am

hurtloam wrote:

What do you want from us?


I said in my very first and original post.



hurtloam
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28 Oct 2021, 4:35 am

In answer to your original question. I personally don't think it's red flag material. There's a reason, but we can't say what it is. Only she can.

Bog standard Fnord answer that lol.



kraftiekortie
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28 Oct 2021, 6:03 am

Now she’s changed her mind—and it might be good for you.



hurtloam
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28 Oct 2021, 6:17 am

I've just had a thought. Is this her just starting to try online dating?

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you're in the UK aren't you. We don't date like Americans do.

Most of my friends got together through meeting up via work or through mutual friends. You ask them how it happened that they got together and they say, "It just happened."

That's how most folks end up in relationships.

Like me, she probably expected to meet someone through her everyday life like all the other people we know did. But it didn't happen. No one was interested and so let's give online dating a try.

Makes sense to me. It's not that she's never been open to meeting someone, she just never did.

That's why some of us were annoyed with your, "she was perfectly capable" comment. No. That's not how it works. A lot of people see online dating as a last resort. They would rather meet through the normal means.



Mountain Goat
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28 Oct 2021, 6:37 am

Nades wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
A job isn't letting someone who could potentially hurt you penetrate your body... well not usually.

It's different. You need to find someone you trust to make that step. She hasn't found anyone yet.


The biggest concern I have is that she hasn't even started dating until she was 29. It's not so much a case of she hasn't found anyone yet but more she hasn't even bothered looking until a very late stage.

Naturally, man or woman, it makes people wonder if such a person is actually into dating, relationships or sex at all.


I did not start dating until a lady asked me out when I was in my mid 30's and convinced me that it is ok to date.

Previously I would have said no, because when I was about 16 or 17, I went on a date that did not happen due to shyness and prosopragnosia. How was I to know that I spent over half an hour standing right next to her?
Her friend told me how I had stood her up (Whatever that means in meaning form) and that she was very upset with me.
I was so upset that I had upset her that for years I refused to date anyone else if they asked me for a date.
Also I could not ask anyone out because I had tried before and I do not know the difference between a lady flirting and a lady just being nice as somehow they are the same so I will always assume it is a lady being nice and friendly, so I do not pick up on rather obvious flirting hints. So me asking a lady out is something I avoid doing even if I really think a lot of the lady. My only hope would be to try to make myself noticed in the hope that they would ask me but I usually chickened out of doing this which is why I went so long before I went on my first date... And I asked her to come to me incase I did not recognize her, so the date went well. (I nearly married that young lady but it was not to be).
I am still a virgin as though I got pretty close to the first GF, I was too scared to go any further without the commitment of marriage and actually I was saved from that one but I did not know what she was really like until much later when I found out she had been dating others and being very intimate at the same time as dating me. I also found out after dating her a good while... Her sister accidently told me that she was already married. I did not know!

But what I am saying is that yes. It is normal for some not to start dating until later in life and it is also normal for them to still be virgins. If it would not be normal then I would not be normal either!

Hurtloam wrote:
I've just had a thought. Is this her just starting to try online dating?

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you're in the UK aren't you. We don't date like Americans do.

Most of my friends got together through meeting up via work or through mutual friends. You ask them how it happened that they got together and they say, "It just happened."

That's how most folks end up in relationships.

Like me, she probably expected to meet someone through her everyday life like all the other people we know did. But it didn't happen. No one was interested and so let's give online dating a try.

Makes sense to me. It's not that she's never been open to meeting someone, she just never did.

That's why some of us were annoyed with your, "she was perfectly capable" comment. No. That's not how it works. A lot of people see online dating as a last resort. They would rather meet through the normal means.


I only ever once was talked into trying online dating by a man who was in a similar situation as me (Single) and he was too nurvous to try so he wanted me to try with him and I think it worked for him. I just sat there silently. I only tried messaging one lady with a general mesage saying "Quiet on this site isn't it?" (No one else suitable living close enough and she was around 100 miles away) and got no reply, so I left the site.

I am a bit too nurvous about trying those sites again as someone said one can never remove ones details if one tries one, and there are usually hidden charges. So I have not tried... And I don't go out meeting others (Very rarely) so my chances of finding a suitable other have been slim, hence why I am single.



Last edited by Mountain Goat on 28 Oct 2021, 6:48 am, edited 4 times in total.

kraftiekortie
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28 Oct 2021, 6:42 am

Give the lady a break.

Forget about her past. Move on to the future.



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28 Oct 2021, 6:57 am

Nades wrote:
For some reason because the subject of this thread is a virgin and a woman it seems to have poked a hornet's nest.


Sorry Nades. I hope you did not mind my replies.



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28 Oct 2021, 12:58 pm

Okay guys let me give you the gist of what he is asking. He is wondering if a woman who's career fell through, and has not had a date or relationship all the way up into her 30s is a red flag.

The funny thing is, if this was a man society would say "yes" in a heartbeat and then deem him a "loser". Whether you(the people advising him) would think so or not really isn't much because you are 1 person out of 7,000,000,000 people on the planet. I personally wouldn't think it a red flag(and I shouldn't because I am a 27 year old guy and have not dated or been in a relationship) this isn't about me though and in general across the world yes, most would consider that a red flag(even if they won't admit it) unless said person had religious reasons or some type of disability for not dating. Let me remind you all that she has not dated or had a relationship let alone doing the "deed" in all of this time. If someone considered that a red flag about me I wouldn't blame them because I know that things like this do matter to some degree.

Side note: The irony is that no one has denied the post I made about women judging men on these same merits. If we want a more "equal" dating world then we have to start holding women accountable for their actions just as we hold men accountable for their actions(whether it be "good" or "bad").



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28 Oct 2021, 1:36 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
Okay guys let me give you the gist of what he is asking. He is wondering if a woman who's career fell through, and has not had a date or relationship all the way up into her 30s is a red flag.

The funny thing is, if this was a man society would say "yes" in a heartbeat and then deem him a "loser". Whether you(the people advising him) would think so or not really isn't much because you are 1 person out of 7,000,000,000 people on the planet. I personally wouldn't think it a red flag(and I shouldn't because I am a 27 year old guy and have not dated or been in a relationship) this isn't about me though and in general across the world yes, most would consider that a red flag(even if they won't admit it) unless said person had religious reasons or some type of disability for not dating. Let me remind you all that she has not dated or had a relationship let alone doing the "deed" in all of this time. If someone considered that a red flag about me I wouldn't blame them because I know that things like this do matter to some degree.

Side note: The irony is that no one has denied the post I made about women judging men on these same merits. If we want a more "equal" dating world then we have to start holding women accountable for their actions just as we hold men accountable for their actions(whether it be "good" or "bad").


Indeed they do judge. But who gives a flying monkey poop what society thinks?

Our OP seems like a chap who likes facts and logic. Society won't tell him the truth. Mind you, not sure we are really much help, but at least we're a bit more open minded based on our own experiences.

My cousin is freaking out because she's hit 30 without having a career, but neither did I at that age. I was just trying to pay the rent as were most of my friends.

We've got to have the freedom to grow at our own pace.

Yeah, I know, body clocks, but still, when you're 30 you've still got a good 50 years of living and living as best you can.



kraftiekortie
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28 Oct 2021, 4:13 pm

George Bernard Shaw was a virgin until he was 29. He certainly wasn't a loser.



cyberdad
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28 Oct 2021, 5:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
George Bernard Shaw was a virgin until he was 29. He certainly wasn't a loser.


Plenty of great men were virgins. Sir Isaac Newton and Nicola Tesla comes to mind.



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28 Oct 2021, 6:01 pm

Taking an oversimplified approach sometimes helps me find answers within myself.

Do you like this girl?

Yes - continue hanging out and getting to know each other.

No - let her down as gently as you can and look for someone more compatible/interesting/fun.


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28 Oct 2021, 11:23 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
Okay guys let me give you the gist of what he is asking. He is wondering if a woman who's career fell through, and has not had a date or relationship all the way up into her 30s is a red flag.

The funny thing is, if this was a man society would say "yes" in a heartbeat and then deem him a "loser". Whether you(the people advising him) would think so or not really isn't much because you are 1 person out of 7,000,000,000 people on the planet. I personally wouldn't think it a red flag(and I shouldn't because I am a 27 year old guy and have not dated or been in a relationship) this isn't about me though and in general across the world yes, most would consider that a red flag(even if they won't admit it) unless said person had religious reasons or some type of disability for not dating. Let me remind you all that she has not dated or had a relationship let alone doing the "deed" in all of this time. If someone considered that a red flag about me I wouldn't blame them because I know that things like this do matter to some degree.

Side note: The irony is that no one has denied the post I made about women judging men on these same merits. If we want a more "equal" dating world then we have to start holding women accountable for their actions just as we hold men accountable for their actions(whether it be "good" or "bad").


Why is though? Do women have more expectations of men, compared to men have of women and that's why?



Nades
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29 Oct 2021, 2:00 am

hurtloam wrote:
I've just had a thought. Is this her just starting to try online dating?

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you're in the UK aren't you. We don't date like Americans do.

Most of my friends got together through meeting up via work or through mutual friends. You ask them how it happened that they got together and they say, "It just happened."

That's how most folks end up in relationships.

Like me, she probably expected to meet someone through her everyday life like all the other people we know did. But it didn't happen. No one was interested and so let's give online dating a try.

Makes sense to me. It's not that she's never been open to meeting someone, she just never did.

That's why some of us were annoyed with your, "she was perfectly capable" comment. No. That's not how it works. A lot of people see online dating as a last resort. They would rather meet through the normal means.


She's just started online dating but has said the reason she has never dated prior or had a relationship is because she was focusing on her career. She just had no interest before but was indeed perfectly capable the entire time judging from what she's said so far.



cron