Were you rejected for autism?

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Erjoy29
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23 Nov 2021, 11:05 pm

I wasn’t exactly. There were other reasons. But I BET if I didn’t have autism, I would’ve made it in certain relationships! I would’ve added so much more. So much, that nobody would’ve wanted to end things with me. If I were NT, they would have always wanted to stay with me. NT’s are given so much slack for so many bad things because they are NT. That is exactly why I have to work extra hard to be kind, giving, funny, etc. I try to compensate however I can. But if I really have to be alone lifelong. So be it. Even if it is detrimental to my health in some ways. I have grown extremely used and accustomed to my own company.



kraftiekortie
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23 Nov 2021, 11:50 pm

I was rejected for being short and nerdy, rather than for autism, per se.



IsabellaLinton
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23 Nov 2021, 11:57 pm

I was exploited and abused for my autism.

Rejection is secondary.


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auntblabby
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24 Nov 2021, 1:51 am

i hid in plain sight, sometimes voluntarily. people just didn't grok me, and vice-versa.



Redd_Kross
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24 Nov 2021, 4:45 am

I have poor emotional awareness of the feelings of others, and poor emotional self-awareness too.

I'm disorganised, easily frustrated, very easily distracted, and struggle to complete tasks.

I suffer from poor self esteem and long periods of anxiety and depression.

I'm not very good at communicating. In particular I tend to keep things to myself and not volunteer anything unless specifically asked to do so. That means I come across as "cold" even when I care a great deal.

My memory is pretty poor.

I can only cope with so many people in one day. I'm permanently fatigued.

I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food and drink.

I'm really easily embarrassed and will walk away from situations I can't cope with. When I'm stressed I shut down.

I've been rejected for all of these things, over the years. They're all Autism related, I guess. But they're also all my problems to address, no-one else's. I've not long been formally diagnosed and I'm still trying to work out what's realistic in terms of managing to change things for the better, long term.

Possibly not enough to ever make a long term relationship realistic. I'm not sure yet.



DuckHairback
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24 Nov 2021, 6:54 am

Autism made me cautious. I masked heavily. I always felt like I was one misstep away from everyone finding out exactly how unacceptable I was and rejecting me.

There were girls who liked me, and who I would have liked to get to know better. Some I didn't notice liked me and it's only with hindsight I can see that there was an opportunity there. A couple made blatant advances. I even had a girl jump on me once and whisper "I want to f*** you" in my ear. Doesn't get much more blatant than that.

I quietly rejected any advances made towards me and made none of my own. So I would say my autism led me to reject other people.

The girl I ended up partnering with I'd known for four years as a friend before anything romantic happened.



auntblabby
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24 Nov 2021, 7:13 am

DuckHairback wrote:
Autism made me cautious. I masked heavily. I always felt like I was one misstep away from everyone finding out exactly how unacceptable I was and rejecting me.

There were girls who liked me, and who I would have liked to get to know better. Some I didn't notice liked me and it's only with hindsight I can see that there was an opportunity there. A couple made blatant advances. I even had a girl jump on me once and whisper "I want to f*** you" in my ear. Doesn't get much more blatant than that.

I quietly rejected any advances made towards me and made none of my own. So I would say my autism led me to reject other people.

The girl I ended up partnering with I'd known for four years as a friend before anything romantic happened.

you are very fortunate.



DuckHairback
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24 Nov 2021, 8:02 am

auntblabby wrote:
DuckHairback wrote:
Autism made me cautious. I masked heavily. I always felt like I was one misstep away from everyone finding out exactly how unacceptable I was and rejecting me.

There were girls who liked me, and who I would have liked to get to know better. Some I didn't notice liked me and it's only with hindsight I can see that there was an opportunity there. A couple made blatant advances. I even had a girl jump on me once and whisper "I want to f*** you" in my ear. Doesn't get much more blatant than that.

I quietly rejected any advances made towards me and made none of my own. So I would say my autism led me to reject other people.

The girl I ended up partnering with I'd known for four years as a friend before anything romantic happened.

you are very fortunate.


In some ways, yes. A brief skim of the Love and Dating section shows this sort of thing is what many autistic males dream of and maybe they'd have trouble understanding why I couldn't take advantage of it.

But at the time I was largely oblivious and didn't have a girlfriend at all until I was 23 - she's still the only person I've been physically intimate with. I don't regret missing out on the physical stuff at all, but I do deeply feel that I missed opportunities to love and be loved when I was younger.



auntblabby
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24 Nov 2021, 8:12 am

DuckHairback wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
DuckHairback wrote:
Autism made me cautious. I masked heavily. I always felt like I was one misstep away from everyone finding out exactly how unacceptable I was and rejecting me.

There were girls who liked me, and who I would have liked to get to know better. Some I didn't notice liked me and it's only with hindsight I can see that there was an opportunity there. A couple made blatant advances. I even had a girl jump on me once and whisper "I want to f*** you" in my ear. Doesn't get much more blatant than that.

I quietly rejected any advances made towards me and made none of my own. So I would say my autism led me to reject other people.

The girl I ended up partnering with I'd known for four years as a friend before anything romantic happened.

you are very fortunate.


In some ways, yes. A brief skim of the Love and Dating section shows this sort of thing is what many autistic males dream of and maybe they'd have trouble understanding why I couldn't take advantage of it.

But at the time I was largely oblivious and didn't have a girlfriend at all until I was 23 - she's still the only person I've been physically intimate with. I don't regret missing out on the physical stuff at all, but I do deeply feel that I missed opportunities to love and be loved when I was younger.

no gf for me until my mid-50s, by then i was too old to cut the mustard.



Minervx_2
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24 Nov 2021, 8:39 am

My honest advice. Yes, autism has some disadvantages and makes things harder. But don't get in the habit of constantly blaming things you see as out of your control.

Learn from your mistakes and improve on them, but don't dwell in the past and don't let the past cause you to be negative or pessimistic.

There are lots of people without autism who get rejected; it's not just an autism thing; it's a human thing.



AngelL
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24 Nov 2021, 11:11 am

I realize that this question is in reference to romantic relationships but I feel that I'd be remiss if I didn't reference others.

My mother rejected me because of my autism.

My father's rejection was more complicated. He rejected my autism without rejecting his idea of me - and his idea of me was a 'me' that didn't have autism. i.e. He enjoyed spending time with me as long as I didn't bring up challenges I was having due to my autism and/or he couldn't see any. Like asking him who a character was on a tv show we were watching due to my face blindness - as long as I pretended I knew what was going on, he was happy. If I asked, it was, "You need to pay attention!"

My first grade teacher rejected me and repeatedly tried to have me removed from her classroom.

My peers in school rejected me.

My teammates on the sports teams I played on growing up rejected me.

By the time I reached dating age, I had learned to hide it well enough to get a date. Then I learned to hide it well enough to stay in a relationship. But who was really having the relationship if I wasn't free to be myself? Seems kind of wrong to say "I" was in a relationship when I was acting like someone else.



Muse933277
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25 Nov 2021, 9:49 am

DuckHairback wrote:

There were girls who liked me, and who I would have liked to get to know better. Some I didn't notice liked me and it's only with hindsight I can see that there was an opportunity there. A couple made blatant advances. I even had a girl jump on me once and whisper "I want to f*** you" in my ear. Doesn't get much more blatant than that.

I quietly rejected any advances made towards me and made none of my own. So I would say my autism led me to reject other people.



You're lucky. I can count on one finger the number of women who have ever liked me.



Shy_Aspergers_Lady
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26 Nov 2021, 8:49 am

I wasn't. No.



nick007
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27 Nov 2021, 1:46 am

I think the combo of being physically disabled along with having autism was a major problem for me with getting romantic relationships. I coulda compensated more for my physical disabilities if I was not autistic. I woulda had an easier time finding & maintaining employment & getting out & meeting & networking with people if I had not been autistic. I also coulda compensated for my autism more if I did not have any physical disabilities. I woulda had more employment options & woulda been more independent if I did not have any physical disabilities. Being more successful with employment & more independent woulda made me much more attractive.


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27 Nov 2021, 2:15 am

as a young person, i knew, on the periphery of my existence, a disabled person, don't know if he was autistic but my hunch in retrospect is that he was. he was born with an odd visage, a marker for other impairments including cognitive impairments. he ended up homeless, one day he went to a gas station and somehow got the pumps working without money, he doused himself then lit a match and perished. poor thing. :( he had nobody in his corner. his life informed my fears about my own life, that the same kind of situation could have happened to me if perhaps one more major thing went south in my life. "there but for the grace of god go i."



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27 Nov 2021, 2:21 am

Probably. No one said that was the reason, they probably didn't know what autism was, they just knew we didn't vibe.

Most gutted I've been is to be rejected by someone autistic because I had found my kin and even he judged me harshly. Can't win.