Should my gf judge me based on these books I own?

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ironpony
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23 Jun 2022, 11:57 pm

My gf was looking through my book collection I own some books that tell guys how to improve their dating game, such as The Rational Male books, or The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed, etc.

And she got really upset at me reading these books, and supporting the writers by having purchased them. She asked what my reasons for for reading the books and I told her that when I was younger, I struggled a lot with dating, even more so because of autism, and the books helped me. She said she pointed out how now she sees that certain things I said and acted towards her, may have been influenced by the books as well.

But my response is so what, we all need a little help and assistance in the dating game, and if you needed help and utilized it that I wouldn't hold it against you, I said to her. But she also said that it's because of books like this, as to why we have things like violent incels in the world, and if I purchase the books, than I support the movement, even if I do not intend to. But that was not my intention at all, and I just wanted some good healthy dating advice!

But now she feels that she cannot trust me she says and is having doubts now. How should I handle this do you think, as I do not want this to bring the relationship down or ruin it? And of course I want her to be able to trust me. I haven't done anything dishonest to her I don't think. But I also tried to ease the situation by politely pointing out that I have no problem with the things she does to attract dates, or seduce which she would have also learned from the media to a degree, and I don't have a problem with her for doing that in comparison.

I even told her about the books I owned really early on, but I guess she never gave it much though until she actually looked at my book collection more so. What do you think?

Thank you for any advice on this! I really appreciate it!



rse92
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24 Jun 2022, 6:53 am

Didn't you ask this question previously?



ironpony
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24 Jun 2022, 7:02 am

Oh, I don't think so, as the incident just happened yesterday. Unless it's similar to something she said before in our relationship that I may have asked about.



rse92
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24 Jun 2022, 7:09 am

Maybe it was that you mentioned that you said things which bothered her that I can imaging came from or were influenced by those books.

From my own personal experience, I think being a red pilled autistic man is more appealing in theory than in practice.



ironpony
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24 Jun 2022, 7:30 am

Oh what do you mean that I mentioned that I said things? I just told her about old books I had, in the conversations and when these particular books came up is when she was bothered.

I didn't think of my self as red pill, I just had trouble dating and sought out advice, I thought.



IsabellaLinton
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24 Jun 2022, 8:44 am

"Should she ... " judge you?

Unfortunately people can and do judge others all the time, especially in relationships. There's not really a should / shouldn't factor because she's allowed to like or dislike whatever she chooses.

The bigger issue in my opinion is how to deal with her feelings of discomfort about the topic. It's a communication issue more than an issue about which books you read. I guess the alternative is that you could have hidden your books but I'm sure she wouldn't like that either (owning the books and then hiding them instead of being open about it).



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24 Jun 2022, 9:04 am

ironpony wrote:
Should my gf judge me based on these books I own?
"Should"?  Maybe not, since there is no legal or moral mandate requiring her to do so.

"Could"?  Absolutely!  She has every right to judge you regarding anything and everything about you, including the books you own.  If you do not want her to judge you for your books, then put them somewhere out of sight where she will not "accidentally" find them while she is looking through your things.



rse92
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24 Jun 2022, 9:13 am

viewtopic.php?t=403758

That is a 555 response thread about things you said that bothered her. That's what made me think about. I could be wrong, but I thought the red pill concept came up.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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24 Jun 2022, 9:19 am

ironpony wrote:
She said she pointed out how now she sees that certain things I said and acted towards her, may have been influenced by the books as well.
... What do you think?[/quote]

It is a given that people are going to learn how to do social interactions from somewhere, from someone, there is no way not to. After all, you were not born knowing everything about everything.

What/who would she prefer that you learned from?

Perhaps she would prefer that you had learned from misogynist celebrities?
(and they do exist, there are articles about it)

Quote:
... What do you think?


I think one of her bigger insecurity buttons has been pushed.

And as for me, I would inquire as to why the idea of you learning about how to do relationships from someone has triggered her insecurity.


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rse92
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24 Jun 2022, 9:32 am

This could also be and probably is a sh-t test. She will respect you more if you maintain your spine than if you cave,



ironpony
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24 Jun 2022, 10:50 am

Well she a synopsis of the books online and read about how the books teach how to become alpha male, by sticking up for yourself and gaining more confidence.

She said that it's this type of alpha male teaching that causes men to become incels and rape and murder women. Thus was her issues with me having those books, she said.



ironpony
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24 Jun 2022, 10:51 am

rse92 wrote:
This could also be and probably is a sh-t test. She will respect you more if you maintain your spine than if you cave,


I did maintain my spine but this caused her to react more harshly though. Unless maybe I did it wrong?

I said that I didn't see anything misogynistic in the books vases on her interpretation, having not read them herself, and that we can just agree to disagree. But was that not maintaining my spine perhaps?

But even if it was just a test, did she have to break down and cry about it though but I only use both? If it's just a test just yet to cry to sell it?



kraftiekortie
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24 Jun 2022, 11:17 am

I would tell her that you read those books when you were younger.

But, now, you are older, and you know the folly these books promote. You have grown away from the "red pill" mindset.

I would also talk about how I disdain Incels (not incels) because they have a ridiculous ideology based faulty logic.



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24 Jun 2022, 11:21 am

ironpony wrote:
rse92 wrote:
This could also be and probably is a sh-t test. She will respect you more if you maintain your spine than if you cave,
I did maintain my spine but this caused her to react more harshly though. Unless maybe I did it wrong?

I said that I didn't see anything misogynistic in the books vases on her interpretation, having not read them herself, and that we can just agree to disagree. But was that not maintaining my spine perhaps?

But even if it was just a test, did she have to break down and cry about it though but I only use both? If it's just a test just yet to cry to sell it?
Stand your ground; don't back down.  If she gives you the inevitable "My way or the highway" ultimatum, choose the "highway" option, because you are always better off without someone in your life who "negotiates" by issuing ultimatums.



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24 Jun 2022, 11:30 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would tell her that you read those books when you were younger.

But, now, you are older, and you know the folly these books promote. You have grown away from the "red pill" mindset.

I would also talk about how I disdain Incels (not incels) because they have a ridiculous ideology based faulty logic.


^this


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24 Jun 2022, 12:11 pm

I would ask her if she had ever dressed up & acted differently to appear more attractive during a date. Then I would ask her how come it's OK for her to put on an act that could give guys the wrong impression about her but so bad for me to have read possibly incel stuff to appear more attractive to women.


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