Question About Dating "Pressure".

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Mountain Goat
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08 Jul 2022, 6:35 am

I have only dated a few ladies in my life and for the ones I met and dated while meeting them on many occasions, only two so far have fit that criteria.... But one thing that I noticed while dating these two ladies in the oast is that I felt "Pressurized" inside so I am guessing that they were not the right ones for me and when I am with the right one (Once the initial nurves subside and we get to know each other) that I will feel relaxed around her and not feel under pressure?
I can't say what this pressure feeling is as I am not good at giving names to feelings. All I can describe it was a mild internal stress which subsided when I later wasn't dating them? A sort of feeling that there was something wrong but I did not know what it was...

I am guessing that when I date the right person and am with her that it will feel right and I will feel relaxed around her?

For those who found their ideal partners, did you feel the same and then feel internally relaxed when one found the "Right" one?

I am just curious. The pressure feeling is like some sort of internal warning bell going off a bit like a warning light on a car dashboard which one can't ignore but one has checked and can't see anything wrong and one needs to get home so one takes it easy just incase and pulls in now and again to keep checking one has some oil etc... Is something like that but within me when I was dating them...



klanka
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08 Jul 2022, 7:20 am

Yeah I have been married and had a fiance after that. In both cases I felt like I could be myself, so I was relaxed. No pressure to make conversation.
It's a rare thing though cos that's two people out of 1-200 that I've met.



Mountain Goat
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08 Jul 2022, 9:58 am

Thanks for the reply. Yes. It makes sense to me.



babybird
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08 Jul 2022, 11:34 am

Yeah, if you're on edge when you're with a person then that situation isn't right for you.

I hope you do find someone who you can feel content with MG.


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Nic na Mara
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10 Jul 2022, 2:49 am

I know this pressure feeling, too. I guess it's the pressure who comes from the society, who trained you to behave like common people in a date. Maybe you think you have to hold her hand now, because it works in this way. But if it's not the feeling of you "I wanna hold her hand now, because I like her.", than the situation feels quite strange.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Jul 2022, 12:55 pm

I feel this way sometimes with my current partner.
She is very… umm… impulsive at times.


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Mona Pereth
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10 Jul 2022, 1:44 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
I have only dated a few ladies in my life and for the ones I met and dated while meeting them on many occasions, only two so far have fit that criteria.... But one thing that I noticed while dating these two ladies in the oast is that I felt "Pressurized" inside so I am guessing that they were not the right ones for me and when I am with the right one (Once the initial nurves subside and we get to know each other) that I will feel relaxed around her and not feel under pressure?
I can't say what this pressure feeling is as I am not good at giving names to feelings. All I can describe it was a mild internal stress which subsided when I later wasn't dating them? A sort of feeling that there was something wrong but I did not know what it was...

I am guessing that when I date the right person and am with her that it will feel right and I will feel relaxed around her?

Yes. It might take a while for the initial nervousness to subside, but you and she should eventually be able to feel relaxed around each other.


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1986
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10 Jul 2022, 9:33 pm

My partner (who is not autistic) seemed to be comfortable around me sooner than I was with her. But in our early stages of dating I was in a state of burnout from various mental problems so socializing with anyone was hard. Also, I wasn't comfortable with the reality of a relationship, no matter the person, at the start. Looking back now I'm glad I kept challenging myself because otherwise I'm sure I would've regretted not making the most of my chances.

We are comfortable around each other now and can talk and act the way we want. If she were pressuring me to conform to a certain ideal I likely would feel much more tense and dissatisfied.



that1weirdgrrrl
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11 Jul 2022, 8:16 pm

My partner is the only person I actually feel comfortable around..... that includes friends and family.....


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