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Sexless long-term relationships

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Quantum duck
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21 Mar 2023, 5:07 pm

My then 50+ father in law to Dh “after 50 sex really isn’t important”
My then 50+ father’s response “if I ever say se isn’t important, just shoot me ‘cause I’m already dead.”

Our now 50+ selves - really want to have more sex, but are just too damn tired all the time.



RetroGamer87
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21 Mar 2023, 5:23 pm

GadgetGuru wrote:
I'm wondering if anyone here has been in a long-term relationship that started with "normal" sexual contact, but became completely sexless at some point. Were you able to maintain the relationship for long when this happened and find ways to adapt to this new mode, or are such relationships doomed to eventually fail, as if often assumed?

Yes. I don't even care any more. We sleep in seperate bedrooms. Who cares. I just want her to leave me alone.


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cyberdad
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21 Mar 2023, 8:58 pm

Quantum duck wrote:
My then 50+ father in law to Dh “after 50 sex really isn’t important”
My then 50+ father’s response “if I ever say se isn’t important, just shoot me ‘cause I’m already dead.”

Our now 50+ selves - really want to have more sex, but are just too damn tired all the time.


The reality is sex for a large chunk of the population is meaningless after 50. If you have had a sexual relationship with your life partner and then go through a non-sexual phase it's really no big deal. I've been married 20 years now and 17 of those have been sexless. We both love and support each other, Nothing for others to judge.



Quantum duck
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22 Mar 2023, 5:59 am

I was just trying to illustrate that you can’t really define the “over 50” group. We are individuals with wide variation, just like everyone else. The only other person whose sex life really matters tome is Dh - because we have a monogamy agreement.



cyberdad
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22 Mar 2023, 5:59 am

Quantum duck wrote:
I was just trying to illustrate that you can’t really define the “over 50” group. We are individuals with wide variation, just like everyone else. The only other person whose sex life really matters tome is Dh - because we have a monogamy agreement.


It's difficult to describe any group of people.



Benjamin the Donkey
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22 Mar 2023, 9:32 am

cyberdad wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
If I had stayed with my last partner, I would have ended up in such a relationship.

I can't be in a sexless relationship.


I think this is also age dependent. If your < 50 then of course sex is a big factor in any relationship. But for older people it's really not as big a deal. People don't talk about their sex lives with friends and strangers so I find it amusing when young folk are outraged when an older couple disclose they are in a sexless marriage.

Newsflash: it happens and the couple still love each other.


I'm well over 50 and it's still a big deal to me. If either my partner or I were uninterested in sex, the other would definitely see it as a serious problem. Of course, for some people sex isn't a priority--but that's not just a function of age.


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ProfessorJohn
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22 Mar 2023, 10:04 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Yes. I don't even care any more. We sleep in seperate bedrooms.


I have the same sleeping arrangements. Kind of takes the spontaneity out of it. Has to be more scheduled now.



RetroGamer87
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11 Apr 2023, 10:40 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
If I had stayed with my last partner, I would have ended up in such a relationship.

I can't be in a sexless relationship.


I think this is also age dependent. If your < 50 then of course sex is a big factor in any relationship. But for older people it's really not as big a deal. People don't talk about their sex lives with friends and strangers so I find it amusing when young folk are outraged when an older couple disclose they are in a sexless marriage.

Newsflash: it happens and the couple still love each other.


Is it about libido dropping off at a certain age?


I've wondered about this as well....

I have heard of some women's libidos dropping after giving birth.


Oh so that's why she doesn't want it! But our libidos was what got her pregnant in the first place! I feel it's a self defeating cycle! I don't even want sex either. I just want her to stop screaming at me and for our toddler to stop screaming at everything.


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WantToHaveALife
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11 Apr 2023, 11:44 pm

ProfessorJohn wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Yes. I don't even care any more. We sleep in seperate bedrooms.


I have the same sleeping arrangements. Kind of takes the spontaneity out of it. Has to be more scheduled now.


so it has become a sexless marriage?



ProfessorJohn
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12 Apr 2023, 1:19 am

No, we do it 3-4 times a month, which is below average, but above the 10 times or less a year with is the criterion for a sexless marriage. I have never been very good with women, though.



RandoNLD
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12 Apr 2023, 11:10 pm

I know people in their 70s who say they get it on more now than they did when younger, probably because they don't work or raise kids anymore, but they are enthusiasts; could just be a Boomer thing as that cohort's always been pretty horny.