I think that females like me but what do I do?

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Jleger91
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26 Jul 2022, 1:20 pm

There are many times when I get females to smile by being myself - I guess they like that because many people try very hard to impress. But then I walk past her and she's confused. What do I do? I've never had a girlfriend but I want one.



lostonearth35
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26 Jul 2022, 1:22 pm

Maybe you should start be using "females" as an adjective instead of a noun.



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26 Jul 2022, 1:28 pm

Instead of focusing on trying to get a girlfriend, think more about trying to build friendships with people. Friendships can turn into something more sometimes.


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26 Jul 2022, 1:44 pm

Jleger91 wrote:
What do I do? I've never had a girlfriend but I want one.

A girlfriend is not something you "get".  A girlfriend is a person, complete with thoughts, feelings, and interests of her own.  If you want a relationship with a woman, then be relatable -- be someone with whom she can relate on her terms.  Of course, to find out what those terms are, you will first have to engage her in conversation and listen to everything she says.  Do not judge.  Do not offer suggestions.  Do not try to "fix" her.  Do not try to lead the conversation back to you.

Be interested in her as a person, and not as merely a life-support system for her reproductive organs.



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26 Jul 2022, 2:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jleger91 wrote:
What do I do? I've never had a girlfriend but I want one.

A girlfriend is not something you "get".  A girlfriend is a person, complete with thoughts, feelings, and interests of her own.  If you want a relationship with a woman, then be relatable -- be someone with whom she can relate on her terms.  Of course, to find out what those terms are, you will first have to engage her in conversation and listen to everything she says.  Do not judge.  Do not offer suggestions.  Do not try to "fix" her.  Do not try to lead the conversation back to you.

Be interested in her as a person, and not as merely a life-support system for her reproductive organs.


He didn’t use the term “get a girlfriend”.
He simply said he never had a girlfriend.

I have a + husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner
is a totally acceptable expression in english I think. Did this recently change?


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Last edited by Cornflake on 26 Jul 2022, 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Removed an offensive comment.

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26 Jul 2022, 2:07 pm

In truth, I don't sense that he's doubting the "personhood" of women, either.

I do agree, though, that he should seek to make friends with women before asking them out.



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26 Jul 2022, 2:19 pm

You recently hit someone at work.

viewtopic.php?t=407433

It’s probably best to avoid getting into a relationship until you work on your paranoia and anger issues. Relationships are frustrating, so I think that finding someone right now is a recipe for pain and disaster.

What do you think of women in general?


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enz
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26 Jul 2022, 4:38 pm

Just ask if she wants to have coffee with you



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27 Jul 2022, 11:28 pm

Talk to those girls and get to know them. You never know. You could end up with a date, faster than you can say female.


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Jleger91
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29 Jul 2022, 10:01 am

Thank you everyone. I don't talk to many people and avoid looking at anyone. That's a start. @Twilightprincess I have anger issues, true. My counselor says to take deep breaths, avoid conflicting situations if possible, and take breaks to refresh, and view the situation logically. @Fnord I try to fix/change family members so this too is a problem. People say that I can't change others, and can only change myself. @Twilightprincess "What do you think of women in general?" Women are attractive and they are also human beings just as I am so as more than an object just as I am more than someone capable of awesome things. In Harry Potter, Dumbledore had a talent of seeing the best in others.



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29 Jul 2022, 10:09 am

Jleger91 wrote:
Thank you everyone. I don't talk to many people and avoid looking at anyone. That's a start. @Twilightprincess I have anger issues, true. My counselor says to take deep breaths, avoid conflicting situations if possible, and take breaks to refresh, and view the situation logically. @Fnord I try to fix/change family members so this too is a problem. People say that I can't change others, and can only change myself. @Twilightprincess "What do you think of women in general?" Women are attractive and they are also human beings just as I am so as more than an object just as I am more than someone capable of awesome things. In Harry Potter, Dumbledore had a talent of seeing the best in others.


Okay, that sounds promising.

I think that you should probably continue to work on your anger issues, though, before getting into a relationship. Relationships are challenging.

Try to develop friendships with people, including women, too.


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Jermaine
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14 Aug 2022, 12:47 am

:? Boy, i've never seen so many trivial responses to a simple question... He only wanted to know how he can go from a smile to an interaction and hopefully a phone number.

Yet; everyone either...
1. Suggested he became friends with a woman (stating the obvious if ever that were so easy)
2. Suggested he work out other personal issues (Which he's already aware of and working on)
3. Played police trying to shame his grammar (a clearly non-existent issue)

@enz made the only constructive post here.

No one is perfect. Threads like this make others put off the idea of posting on this forum, I thought we were all aware of the issues we all have and are part of this community because we're trying to polish ourselves, no need to harp on flaws, state the obvious or shame anyone. This is not the only time i've seen this recently. Please be helpful.



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14 Aug 2022, 12:52 am

I was in a similar situation as you a few years ago, practiced for 3-4 months before I could do this, when I felt ready and saw a girl I liked, she unfortunately didn’t make any eye contact with me, but I went for it anyways, these were the lines I used…

“Excuse me, this is random, but I saw you and thought you looked really nice, didn’t see a ring so I figured I’d come over and ask your name”

She giggled about the ring thing, and told me her name, I said my name…

“I’m [First Name]” paused for 3 seconds, then said…

“We’ll I’m from the area, if you're interested I would love to meet sometime to talk for a bit”.

She said “yeah, sure”

I handed my phone to her to put her details in the sms app.

I said “Nice meeting you, I’ll text you later”

Waved goodbye, then I left the area

We did end up going on 1 date, this was the first date I had ever been on, I was 28, but that’s another story because she didn’t turn out to be a good person in the end. Can’t say I’ve tried much, if at all since then, I’m not easily attracted to women so it’s not often I feel that desire to approach someone, in fact, I've approached about 4 since then; but all were already in relationships; not married though, guess I got lucky that time... maybe some other year...

Modified my script with this line after the 3rd attempt...

"Is he a good boyfriend?"

She says, "yeah, he's good" (Or something like that), I say...

"You want a better one?"

They giggle and I cut off the interaction there saying "was nice meeting you" and leaving the area.

In my ideal scenario, she says "actually; yes I want a better boyfriend, mine is pretty useless", but we can't have it all. I just need to get out of the city. :ninja:


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14 Aug 2022, 6:42 am

^You’re a better man than I, Gunga Din. :wink:



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14 Aug 2022, 8:34 am

Easiest method to get a girlfriend? Go to The Philippines.

Pros: Filipinas love white guys since in their culture, white skin is considered attractive. Whatever number of matches you get in America you will get 10x that in The Philippines. If you had 10 matches in America, you will have 100+ in Cebu. They stay skinny and youthful looking longer than western women due to a combination of genetics and lifestyle. Their height is only 5 ft tall on average so if you are shorter than average, you won't feel so short dating a Filipina. The language barrier isn't an issue since English is a national language there and almost every girl you meet will speak a decent amount of English. They're often kind, caring, and giving you more attention than women in your home country will. Depending on your religion, you might be highly compatible with women from the Philippines as many of them are Christian catholic.


Cons: You need a decent amount of money just to get there since plane tickets are not cheap. If meeting a girl from online, you need to be okay with a long distance relationship and due to VISA restrictions, depending on where you live, it may be extremely hard for them to visit you in your home country, so you'll have to go visit them instead. If you choose the wrong girl, you could be scammed (easy to avoid if you tell them right from the start you won't send money). Finally, the reason many of them are seeking foreigners because that is their way to a better life. The good one's will love you in addition to wanting a better life, the bad one's only want a better life and will pretend to love you, big difference. I personally wouldn't date a Filipina long distance unless you're ready to get married, since it's going to be hard to "close the distance" unless you two are engaged or married, since them even traveling to your country is a tough process.



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14 Aug 2022, 9:51 am

Jermaine wrote:
:? Boy, i've never seen so many trivial responses to a simple question... He only wanted to know how he can go from a smile to an interaction and hopefully a phone number.

Yet; everyone either...
1. Suggested he became friends with a woman (stating the obvious if ever that were so easy)
2. Suggested he work out other personal issues (Which he's already aware of and working on)
3. Played police trying to shame his grammar (a clearly non-existent issue)

@enz made the only constructive post here.

No one is perfect. Threads like this make others put off the idea of posting on this forum, I thought we were all aware of the issues we all have and are part of this community because we're trying to polish ourselves, no need to harp on flaws, state the obvious or shame anyone. This is not the only time i've seen this recently. Please be helpful.


Telling someone to resolve their violent anger issues before attempting to “get” a girlfriend IS constructive and helpful. Being in the process of working on it, while commendable, is not enough, especially since there have been recent outbursts.

This issue needs to be resolved first.


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