Anyone else dating or have dated someone on the spectrum?

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Okay my boyfriend and I have been together since 2016 and we are both have Aspergers. Neither of us had ever planned on dating another person with Aspergers and we both tried to have relationships with neurotypicals but it just never worked out for us since we would both always creep them out and come of to strong. We both meet in an Aspergers socialization group and hit it off so fast. We began to text each other every day and talk on Facebook messenger until one day I asked him to have sex with me (I know it’s not usually the route people to about when staring a relationship but I was 21 and had never even been kissed before and my p**** wanted some dick really badly lol.) So after we first had sex we immediately agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend and since then we have been practically attached at the hip. I love him so much it hurts. I remember watching the notebook and crying hysterically at it thinking no man is ever going to love me and now the last time I watched the notebook my boyfriend spooned me and kissed my neck the entire time watching it. Like we are obsessed with each other, we love to watch tv together and go on dates and go for walks and whenever we go out we always hold hands and kiss each other. I love living with him because we have sex everyday along with spoon and make out with each other. I am just curious if there any other Aspies here that have dated or are dating another person with Aspergers.

I wouldn't call it "dating," because that's not how our relationship began, but my boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. Both of us are autistic.

My boyfriend is actually a reason why I found out I'm autistic. We met on dating website and he told me he's awaiting autism diagnosis so I started reading about it.

Unfortunately we don't live together and I don't know when it can change for various reasons but I'm so happy for you guys

Before meeting my wife, I was in only two relationships that were serious enough that I thought of the other person as my official "girlfriend". It so happens I now think both those people were on the spectrum although the first one may have just been BAP. I won't try to go into why I think either was on the spectrum but feel free to ask.

In the first case, we spent several weeks traveling around Europe together after having exchanged correspondence for several months (we did actually meet F2F but after a couple of meet-ups she left for a "semester abroad" in Germany). By the time I met up with her in Europe, she had decided we were a couple so during that time we shared every intimate aspect of our daily existence in fact we were in each other's presence almost continuously. I won't say there was no friction between us, as she would occasionally do things that annoyed me, but the constant togetherness was by no means overwhelming for me, considering I hadn't never spent all my waking and sleeping hours together with another person, male or female. I won't go into detail about the subsequent relationship however I will say that I don't think we were ever "in love" with each other although at the time she thought she was in love with me but I think she later decided she simply believed she should be in love with me but really wasn't. Although she was my first girlfriend, I wasn't her first boyfriend. The first time she undressed in front of me it was simply because she had decided she wanted to change some of her clothes and I don't think she had given any thought to the fact that she was the first girl I'd ever seen naked in person.

In the case of the second girlfriend, I ended up spending a night with her and for that reason I just continued to spend every night with her although in retrospect I don't think she necessarily anticipated that I would. I ended up living with her for most of a year. She had already moved out of her parents' house and had a male roommate who was not also a sex partner, but did not yet have a job iow no long-term plan as to how she would continue to pay rent (to her credit she did find a reasonably good job a couple of months later). She was probably autistic, as opposed to just BAP although never diagnosed. Most people who met her thought her extremely odd however I don't think she ever saw herself that way. She and I could spend a lot of time in each others' presence, mostly engaging in parallel activities, primarily reading SF and Fantasy novels, and interacting when the need arose including when deciding to engage in sexual activity. Having said that, I hasten to point out that we seldom if ever discussed our feelings for each other the way I believe couples are supposed to, but she did have very strong feelings for me despite having one or more other non-exclusive sex partners at the time I met her. She genuinely wanted to marry me. One reason we didn't get married is that my parents were horrified at the idea and I wasn't sufficiently independent of them to defy them plus I wasn't as motivated to get married as she was.

@OP from your story I was say your relationship has been a success mostly because you and your boyfriend both wanted the same thing at the same time, so you never had any doubt. My wife is NT but at the time we met (me 32, her 27) we both wanted the same thing and so we were always committed to staying married.

I went on a blind date with a girl with autism one time.

She was not like most stereotypical autistic girls. She was in a sorority and liked to drink, party, and do every drug in the book. She showed up looking like a slob, and I'm pretty sure she was somewhat drunk as well. She went on and on about how she had many guy friends and liked to make out with random guys at the bar and go to the strip club with the bros. Also occasionally told me about how much of a hoe she was.

Afterwards she told me that she found me ugly so she didn't see this going anywhere. Most girls would have nicely friendzoned me, but nope, she kept it real.

^She’s not the type you want to go out with, either.

You dodged a bullet!

I don’t know how I could survive not living with my boyfriend. Like we moved in together very quickly because my parents had gotten a job out of state a couple of months after we started dating and I had just finished college so I had nowhere to stay since I didn’t have a job lined up and I was going to move with them and I had an absolute crying screaming meltdown about leaving him and so did he about the thought of us not living together so thankfully his parents were pretty chill and they had a guest bedroom where the two of us could sleep in before we got an apartment. I could never not live with him and we could never do long distance because long distance equals no sex and I can’t live without sex.

About six years ago I dated a beautifully kind hearted lady diagnosed as having aspergers syndrome, and while dating her I was trying to find out what it is and how it effected her, but apart from a few things she said, everything else seemed normal to me... So normal that I laughingly said (In my humour) that I could be on the spectrum, to which she was quick to have me sit one of those basic online tests which said "See a psycologist, a psyciatrist, a doctor or a health professional", which kinda surprized me as I had not expected that result.
It took a lot more isolated events where people either had asked or in a few cases actually told me that I was on the spectrum before a few years later it dawned on me that these people were actually serious in what they said, as though I had hit about two burnout/breakdown events in that time, I did not know what these were called, (Never knew what shutdowns were called until after I joined this site though I had had them ever since I was a fairly young child).
It took me another two years due to many mindblank events where I would revert to talkingabout other things to free my mind from the mindblank walls that hit each time I tried to ask a doctor if I could be on the spectrum, until finally after I was actually fed up and I did not want to know anything about autism whatsoever as I had totally given up trying to ask by then, I happened to go on a Youtube "Spree" about protopragnosia (Which both I and my Mum have had many faceblind moments) and though this "Ask An Autistic" kept coming up about prosopragnosia, I did not want to know... But about two days later I had exhausted and watched every single Youtube video about Prosopragnosia on there except for this one "Ask An autistic"and she said something like 65 or 85% (Dont remember the exact figure except that it was high) of those who had prosopragnosia were also on the autism spectrum.
After I saw that I watched all her Youtube videos and I was absolutely determined to ask.my doctor if I was on the spectrum. So determined that I took my Mum in with me with instructions what to ask (Incase I hit mindblank again which for a moment I did) and I actually expected a there and then yes or no answer.
The doctor did not think I was on the spectrum (Though I described a shutdown very clearly and she did not seem to know what a shutdown was (I knew by then that they had the exact same triggers as meltdowns which I had heard of and knew somewhere there was a link).
Though she did not think I was on the spectrum she said she would still refer me to the autism team but doubted I would be accepted.
They did accept me and about a month or two later I joined this site to make sure I was doing the right thing as I did not want to take anyone elses place if I was not likely to be on the spectrum, but several months later I had the largest burnout/breakdown experiences I hadever had, and the day after my very last day in work was an autism open day and I knew inside me that I needed to attend as I needed help! Somehow I got there and though I was in auite a mental mess by then they saw me, and it felt to me while talking to them and finding out that they actually knew what I was going through, that it was like a dam bursting inside me because for the first time ever, I met anyone (Apart from my Mum who is like me) who knew what I was talking about. They wanted to try and push me forward in their assessment list as I was in a state, but they were not allowed, but I do know if I have any issues I can email them and book a "Hub" phone appointment (Usually about a month later) to talk things through which has been a help.
I have not been assessed yet but just knowing someone is there and who understands is a great help!
So it has been quite a long journey from the GF I used to have to where I am now, and I am not assessed yet,

I have a strong feeling that my third bf was / is on the spectrum, and that he has ADHD. I'd pretty much bet my life on it.

I gave him the 50-question AQ test once, and it said no or inconclusive (I can't remember). I think it was one of those situations where he's never thought about some of those questions before, and he answered too quickly or didn't really see himself the way others see him. I had to keep giving him examples of his own behaviour to help him understand.

I'd known him about 20 years when I did the test with him, and the rest of his family presents as very autistic as well.

We "dated" in a platonic way for several years before he came out as gay and trans.

It didn't end well at the time but we are now good friends by long-distance.
He lives about 4 hours away from me.

I dated one autistic guy but, as much as I hate to say it, his autistic behaviours were kind of a turn off. I'm a completely non-stereotypical Aspie and he was a completely stereotypical autistic and he seemed to lack personality. I just didn't feel a romantic connection with him.

But to this day we are friends. He's literally had about 50+ different short-lived girlfriends in the last 10 years and has got dumped by all of them. But I admire his positivity because he doesn't let heartbreak bring him down. I don't think he understands the concept of relationships, he sees a girlfriend as someone he can sort of have there when he's not focusing on his special interests. But that doesn't make him a jerk though, it's just due to his autism, which is OK, as his autism does disable him.

Has he ever sought a girlfriend who SHARES one or more of his special interests? If not, I would suggest that you advise him to do that. Focusing on a common interest together can be a great way to build a relationship.

He seems obsessed with football and has a favourite team, which is quite a neurotypical thing to be into. He also likes videogames, the geeky sort.
I don't know if interests always necessarily helps in relationships. Me and my boyfriend don't have the same tastes in movies or music, and he drinks alcohol while I don't, and I am into creative things like writing, drawing and playing the piano, while he likes things like history and TV. But we both like the same sort of vacations (exploring and touring).

I feel it usually helps the relationship if a couple has common interests.....though "having common interests" certainly isn't a prerequisite necessary for a successful relationship.

The one relationship I’ve had, which was earlier this year and lasted about a month and a half, was with an Autistic woman. It ended when she decided she liked women more than men. Definitely couldn’t date an NT, but it’s super hard to find Autistic women due to lack of infrastructure (doesn’t help that the main Autistic social group in my area is mostly conprised of 40+ year olds who got diagnosed because of their kids). Most of the Autistic women who I’ve met who I would consider asking out have been either gay or in a relationship with an NT…

Look up the double empathy paradigm. It explains exactly why you and your bf work so well together while your previous relationships with NTs didn’t!

I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is on some sort of spectrum. When we first started dating she said she thought she probably is, but once I started exploring autism seriously to understand myself she backpedaled. She asked why I feel the need to label myself, she doesn't label herself, she's just a nerd or an introvert (isn't that a label?). So I try not to bring up the topic anymore, or I'll replace "autistic" with "introverted" when talking about issues like being exhausted from socialization, etc.

But the two of us are very similar, we both like a quiet house, we both have obsessions that cycle (we first bonded over learning languages), we both like structure (schedule and plan everything ahead) and we both struggle with social situations (she's better at them than I am though). I feel very lucky to have found her.