What Am I Even Supposed To Do To?

Post Reply New Topic

I understand why you think this generally, but in my case, my "depression" is directly caused by my inability to receive a certain kind of validation and experience romantic intimacy. I'm also extremely unhappy and uncomfortable with being romantically inexperienced for a multitude of reasons.

The only thing that's ever made me feel better is by having a romantically interested party to talk to online. I didn't require them to validate me every second of the day. Just them being there and being interested was enough to improve my wellbeing dramatically for the duration of the connection.

It's not about relying on one person to give me happiness. It's about access to experiences, acceptance, and connection that is pivotal for most people's happiness, to varying degrees.

The vast majority of people will be unhappy forever alone no matter what else happens in their lives. It's better to be as self-reliant as you can for your own happiness, but at the end of the day, we're all human, and we all need human connection.

Whatever caused your depression initially, once it gained track, it's in your brain and won't be taken away by external events.

Yes, I understand that too.

But it has in the past.

I know my "depression" better than anyone else here. Trust me. I've lived it.

Describe what happened.

There are times when I feel “forever alone” even in the presence of my wife. It’s not her fault, though. It’s a flaw in me. The flaw of disliking all-pervasive intimacy.

She’s a good person—but I have other yearnings, for example, I want to travel the world—but she wouldn’t want the accommodations I’d be willing to endure while traveling. This has stopped me from going, say, to Vietnam.

She HAS actually taken me places with her money—but her idea of a “vacation” is way different from mine.

What I’m saying with all those words—is that people yearn for what they feel they cannot have. But it’s certainly not worth ending your life over one lack interposed with aspects which are not lacking.

It’s possible that your depression is physiological in addition to being situational, like Magz has pointed out.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 10 Feb 2023, 7:30 am, edited 2 times in total.

If a person is to the point of feeling suicidal because they are alone, no, being in a relationship is not going to fix everything. Relying on someone else to “fix you” is not a great strategy.

It’s a recipe for all sorts of problems.

I’ve tried to “fix” people. It hardly ever works.

But then….I feel like it’s worse if you don’t give it the “old college try.”

People are stuck in their situations, many times, because they refuse input from others.

I’ve gotten better because I was open to the ideas of others, rather than thinking I am “the only one who knows me.”

And I've lived mine. And got out of it.
Mental illnesses, including depression, are all about the brain twisting the image of reality. Trust me - and trust psychology.

You did not answer my previous post.

Being self reliant for one's own happiness helps a lot while also being more attractive to potential partners.

I think you're trying to run before you can walk. It'll be a lot easier to find some degree of content in your achievements which will spill over into areas you care more about, like romance and sexual content and relationships.

You have a lot stacked against you now and you need to focus on yourself first. I wouldn't even bother focusing on your happiness until you have a decent job sorted out. Your happiness will follow later.

TGI is no Sad Sack. He has a lot going for him.

In some ways, he has more going for him than me at age 26.

In Australia, warehouse workers make almost the income of office workers, on average.

I was once a warehouse worker, by the way. It’s no disgrace.

It’s no disgrace to be on Benefits….but it’s hard to get off Benefits once you get on them. I had a friend who experienced this difficulty.

This is true.

When one is depressed, it can feel like a specific problem is the whole picture when it really is not. I’ve experienced that before.

Yep....I have, too.

My problems were all pervasive; nothing else really mattered to me.

I've had that experience. However I've been working on myself & I try my best to be supportive of her. I know my experience is in the minority but it could theoretically happen to others. It's important.to have ideas about how you could possibly benefit a potential relationship partner to avoid the relationship being one-sided. It also helps to figure out the type of person you could benefit & how to advertize to them.

The only way I've ever felt significantly better is when a woman has shown some sort of interest in me as a heterosexual man. For the duration of all those connections, I've always felt better, to varying degrees. This is the only way I've been able to experience relief from these emotions, and this was mostly just online connections.

I'm telling you, this emotional distress is coming from an absence of romantic acceptance in my life, feeling inadequate as a romantic prospect and being scared that I'll never get to date and have a horrible life as a result.

If the trend of the past and present continues into the future, there is no chance of me enjoying my life and I therefore would rather be dead. At the moment I'm in a lot of emotional pain over what I've been through. Enough to want to end it all.

My sadness and grief is very much "because of something". I'm not going to bother responding further to anyone who is going to try and tell me why I'm depressed like they know what I've been through and what I'm experiencing better than I do.

This problem of not being able to date is in a league of its own. You don't need to have a chemical imbalance to be sad about losing a family member. What I'm experiencing with my inability to date is the same sort of thing in that it requires no chemical imbalance to be very sad about it, but it's also an ongoing issue that I'm very distressed about every single day. My distress comes from the constant feelings that are provoked when reminded of dating and the fact that I cant get a girlfriend, feeling unwanted, yearning to be touched by a woman who wants to touch me, and feeling extremely insecure and frustrated about being so inexperienced in juxtaposition with my intense desires. It's f*****g awful. Please stop projecting your experience of depression onto me.

I'm really not feeling heard by a lot of people in this thread right now.

Why do you think "experience" matters so much? It never mattered with me. I never cared if a woman slept with no people, or slept with 100 people. I have known women who feel the same as I do. If they dig you, they'll dig you whether you're a virgin, or you've slept with 100 people.

I've been the "inexperienced" one, and I never was scorned because of it. if a woman is any kind of decent woman, she won't scorn you if you're "inexperienced" in the bedroom. Just like a man would be an asshat if he scorned a woman either for being a virgin or for not being a virgin.

I am "hearing" you. How in the world can I tell the "causation" of your depression. I've never met you. I'm not claiming it's a "chemical imbalance." I, and others, were raising the possibility of this, combined with your situation. I'm not a psychiatrist.

I have benefited from knowing the experiences of other people. I'm not the "listening" type---but I knew that I needed the input of other people. I'm not exactly infallible or all-knowing.

I used to have certain misconceptions; but, through listening to people who have experienced similar things, I gained more insight. if you just "listen to yourself," you won't get anywhere.

You probably don't feel my advice is good or warranted....but my advice is based upon my own experience having trouble making friends and gaining romance.