How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man

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Zakatar
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23 Jan 2023, 11:52 am

Hot Take: There is another side of this coin. Since most NT women won’t give us the time of day unless we’re at least a 9/10 on the looks scale (which the vast majority of us obviously aren’t), Autustic women need to become more open to dating Autistic men too. The amount of Autistic women I’ve met who are in relationships with NT men disheartens me and makes me feel like no matter how hard I try to “work on myself”, I’ll never be successful in this department.


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magz
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23 Jan 2023, 11:58 am

Zakatar wrote:
Hot Take: There is another side of this coin. Since most NT women won’t give us the time of day unless we’re at least a 9/10 on the looks scale
Again this stupid myth?
Really, look at people in relationships. On average, they are average-looking, average-earning and generally, relationships are for regular people. Just don't seek your potential partners in bars and other vanity fairs.


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rse92
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23 Jan 2023, 12:57 pm

Zakatar wrote:
Hot Take: There is another side of this coin. Since most NT women won’t give us the time of day unless we’re at least a 9/10 on the looks scale (which the vast majority of us obviously aren’t), Autustic women need to become more open to dating Autistic men too. The amount of Autistic women I’ve met who are in relationships with NT men disheartens me and makes me feel like no matter how hard I try to “work on myself”, I’ll never be successful in this department.


Most men who moan that "no matter how hard I try to work on myself I'll never be successful" have never tried to work on themselves.

What have you done?



hurtloam
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23 Jan 2023, 2:42 pm

magz wrote:
Zakatar wrote:
Hot Take: There is another side of this coin. Since most NT women won’t give us the time of day unless we’re at least a 9/10 on the looks scale
Again this stupid myth?
Really, look at people in relationships. On average, they are average-looking, average-earning and generally, relationships are for regular people. Just don't seek your potential partners in bars and other vanity fairs.


Sometimes I wonder if people who write this stuff know any other humans. Everyone I know is pretty average and paired up with other average people.



Mona Pereth
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23 Jan 2023, 3:43 pm

Agreed that Zakatar shouldn't be looking in "bars and other vanity fairs."

But, to be fair, Zakatar is talking about the situation of "average-looking, average-earning" autistic men, not "average-looking, average-earning" NT men, and he's talking specifically about the situation of a 26-year old autistic man living in today's world, in which the overall dating situation for young heterosexual men has apparently gotten worse than it was even 10 years ago, for whatever reasons.

But the solution certainly isn't to try to guilt-trip autistic women into dating autistic men. I personally do have an autistic partner, but we certainly can't and shouldn't dictate that other autistic women make a similar choice. People have the right not to be forced or guilt-tripped into relationships with any particular set of people.

And, even if every heterosexual or bisexual autistic woman were to choose an autistic male partner, there would still be plenty of autistic men left over, given the high ratio men to women diagnosed with autism.

Perhaps it might help if some well-funded organization were to launch a public relations campaign, aimed at women in general, about the advantages of relationships with (at least some) autistic men. See the following articles regarding these advantages:

- 7 Reasons to Date an Autistic Man
- What to Know When Starting a Relationship with an Autistic Person
- Dating Someone With Autism

Such a campaign might, alas, have the bad side-effect of giving some unscrupulous NT women the idea of exploiting autistic men in one way or another. Alas, NT's (of both sexes) exploiting autistic partners (of both sexes) is already a known problem.

So there would also need to be some sort of campaign aimed at autistic people (both men and women) on how to avoid potential partners who are likely to exploit us.


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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 23 Jan 2023, 4:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Jamesy
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23 Jan 2023, 4:24 pm

I have been going to bars since I was 24 and have had no sex/one night stands from hanging out at these places.. I might have had opportunities to hook up BUT with every chance I get with younger women as a man I have had to make the initiative/effort, With much older women I have a much easier time though and in fact I almost had a chance for a one night with a 68 year old lady a year and I went back to her apartment. She did not want to have sex with me though.

Some people say I should look online for a girlfriend and I think there right.



funeralxempire
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23 Jan 2023, 4:28 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I have been going to bars since I was 24 and have had no sex/one night stands from hanging out at these places.. I might have had opportunities to hook up BUT with every chance I get with younger women as a man I have had to make the initiative/effort, With much older women I have a much easier time though and in fact I almost had a chance for a one night with a 68 year old lady a year and I went back to her apartment. She did not want to have sex with me though.

Some people say I should look online for a girlfriend and I think there right.


Probably because the bar scene isn't really that well-suited to finding romance. Beyond that, you might not be charming enough to make a one-night stand happen. After 9 years of trying the same thing and never getting anything but the same outcome it's time to try another method.

9 years from now you'll be in the same boat if you keep trying the same thing that's never worked before.


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Jamesy
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23 Jan 2023, 4:32 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going to bars since I was 24 and have had no sex/one night stands from hanging out at these places.. I might have had opportunities to hook up BUT with every chance I get with younger women as a man I have had to make the initiative/effort, With much older women I have a much easier time though and in fact I almost had a chance for a one night with a 68 year old lady a year and I went back to her apartment. She did not want to have sex with me though.

Some people say I should look online for a girlfriend and I think there right.


Probably because the bar scene isn't really that well-suited to finding romance. Beyond that, you might not be charming enough to make a one-night stand happen. After 9 years of trying the same thing and never getting anything but the same outcome it's time to try another method.

9 years from now you'll be in the same boat if you keep trying the same thing that's never worked before.




I have found older women/cougars make the initiative a lot more when compared to younger females. Personally I think mature women have more confidence and go after what they want.

One of my associates is 66 years old, overweight and 5ft6/5ft7 in height and quite often goes to the same bars I do but he has no luck getting a lady even though he has a well paying job.



Nades
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23 Jan 2023, 4:49 pm

Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going to bars since I was 24 and have had no sex/one night stands from hanging out at these places.. I might have had opportunities to hook up BUT with every chance I get with younger women as a man I have had to make the initiative/effort, With much older women I have a much easier time though and in fact I almost had a chance for a one night with a 68 year old lady a year and I went back to her apartment. She did not want to have sex with me though.

Some people say I should look online for a girlfriend and I think there right.


Probably because the bar scene isn't really that well-suited to finding romance. Beyond that, you might not be charming enough to make a one-night stand happen. After 9 years of trying the same thing and never getting anything but the same outcome it's time to try another method.

9 years from now you'll be in the same boat if you keep trying the same thing that's never worked before.




I have found older women/cougars make the initiative a lot more when compared to younger females. Personally I think mature women have more confidence and go after what they want.

One of my associates is 66 years old, overweight and 5ft6/5ft7 in height and quite often goes to the same bars I do but he has no luck getting a lady even though he has a well paying job.



Being fat never helps, period irrespective of gender.

Being fat and autistic is even worse. Shame loads of autisitcs are obese.



funeralxempire
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23 Jan 2023, 4:51 pm

Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going to bars since I was 24 and have had no sex/one night stands from hanging out at these places.. I might have had opportunities to hook up BUT with every chance I get with younger women as a man I have had to make the initiative/effort, With much older women I have a much easier time though and in fact I almost had a chance for a one night with a 68 year old lady a year and I went back to her apartment. She did not want to have sex with me though.

Some people say I should look online for a girlfriend and I think there right.


Probably because the bar scene isn't really that well-suited to finding romance. Beyond that, you might not be charming enough to make a one-night stand happen. After 9 years of trying the same thing and never getting anything but the same outcome it's time to try another method.

9 years from now you'll be in the same boat if you keep trying the same thing that's never worked before.




I have found older women/cougars make the initiative a lot more when compared to younger females. Personally I think mature women have more confidence and go after what they want.

One of my associates is 66 years old, overweight and 5ft6/5ft7 in height and quite often goes to the same bars I do but he has no luck getting a lady even though he has a well paying job.


The first point is interesting, but it hasn't ever helped you before.

The second point supports what I'm saying, bars don't work like that for most people. Most people looking for hook-ups end up like your associate. No one cares about your career when considering a one-night stand.

Unless you're an astronaut.


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Jamesy
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23 Jan 2023, 4:56 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going to bars since I was 24 and have had no sex/one night stands from hanging out at these places.. I might have had opportunities to hook up BUT with every chance I get with younger women as a man I have had to make the initiative/effort, With much older women I have a much easier time though and in fact I almost had a chance for a one night with a 68 year old lady a year and I went back to her apartment. She did not want to have sex with me though.

Some people say I should look online for a girlfriend and I think there right.


Probably because the bar scene isn't really that well-suited to finding romance. Beyond that, you might not be charming enough to make a one-night stand happen. After 9 years of trying the same thing and never getting anything but the same outcome it's time to try another method.

9 years from now you'll be in the same boat if you keep trying the same thing that's never worked before.




I have found older women/cougars make the initiative a lot more when compared to younger females. Personally I think mature women have more confidence and go after what they want.

One of my associates is 66 years old, overweight and 5ft6/5ft7 in height and quite often goes to the same bars I do but he has no luck getting a lady even though he has a well paying job.


The first point is interesting, but it hasn't ever helped you before.

The second point supports what I'm saying, bars don't work like that for most people. Most people looking for hook-ups end up like your associate. No one cares about your career when considering a one-night stand.

Unless you're an astronaut.




Really? I would have thought most women wanted a man with good prospects/career.



Jamesy
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23 Jan 2023, 4:57 pm

Nades wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going to bars since I was 24 and have had no sex/one night stands from hanging out at these places.. I might have had opportunities to hook up BUT with every chance I get with younger women as a man I have had to make the initiative/effort, With much older women I have a much easier time though and in fact I almost had a chance for a one night with a 68 year old lady a year and I went back to her apartment. She did not want to have sex with me though.

Some people say I should look online for a girlfriend and I think there right.


Probably because the bar scene isn't really that well-suited to finding romance. Beyond that, you might not be charming enough to make a one-night stand happen. After 9 years of trying the same thing and never getting anything but the same outcome it's time to try another method.

9 years from now you'll be in the same boat if you keep trying the same thing that's never worked before.




I have found older women/cougars make the initiative a lot more when compared to younger females. Personally I think mature women have more confidence and go after what they want.

One of my associates is 66 years old, overweight and 5ft6/5ft7 in height and quite often goes to the same bars I do but he has no luck getting a lady even though he has a well paying job.



Being fat never helps, period irrespective of gender.

Being fat and autistic is even worse. Shame loads of autisitcs are obese.



Being grossly overweight can be easily changed. No excuses there.



funeralxempire
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23 Jan 2023, 5:04 pm

Jamesy wrote:

Really? I would have thought most women wanted a man with good prospects/career.


If you're f*****g someone tonight and never seeing them afterwards why do you care about their income or career?

That's only relevant if someone wants to be in someone else's life for a more extended period.


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Jamesy
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23 Jan 2023, 5:07 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:

Really? I would have thought most women wanted a man with good prospects/career.


If you're f*****g someone tonight and never seeing them afterwards why do you care about their income or career?

That's only relevant if someone wants to be in someone else's life for a more extended period.




True.


Even working out and building a good physique has not helped me get one night stands.

Oh wait a sec I am 5ft8 so how can I possibly build a sexually attractive body :roll:



The Grand Inquisitor
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23 Jan 2023, 6:29 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Agreed that Zakatar shouldn't be looking in "bars and other vanity fairs."

But, to be fair, Zakatar is talking about the situation of "average-looking, average-earning" autistic men, not "average-looking, average-earning" NT men, and he's talking specifically about the situation of a 26-year old autistic man living in today's world, in which the overall dating situation for young heterosexual men has apparently gotten worse than it was even 10 years ago, for whatever reasons.

But the solution certainly isn't to try to guilt-trip autistic women into dating autistic men. I personally do have an autistic partner, but we certainly can't and shouldn't dictate that other autistic women make a similar choice. People have the right not to be forced or guilt-tripped into relationships with any particular set of people.

And, even if every heterosexual or bisexual autistic woman were to choose an autistic male partner, there would still be plenty of autistic men left over, given the high ratio men to women diagnosed with autism.

Perhaps it might help if some well-funded organization were to launch a public relations campaign, aimed at women in general, about the advantages of relationships with (at least some) autistic men. See the following articles regarding these advantages:

- 7 Reasons to Date an Autistic Man
- What to Know When Starting a Relationship with an Autistic Person
- Dating Someone With Autism

Such a campaign might, alas, have the bad side-effect of giving some unscrupulous NT women the idea of exploiting autistic men in one way or another. Alas, NT's (of both sexes) exploiting autistic partners (of both sexes) is already a known problem.

So there would also need to be some sort of campaign aimed at autistic people (both men and women) on how to avoid potential partners who are likely to exploit us.

I think the biggest challenge for us ultimately comes down to the male gender role in dating requiring us to be outgoing and read non-verbal cues. Dating would be so much easier for me personally if I was occasionally approached by an interested woman who made her interest explicit. I would have a good idea of how to navigate the situation from there.



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23 Jan 2023, 7:04 pm

Well as far as the whole, guys have to be really goodlooking or women will not give them the time of day, I had this conversation with my gf, and she says to her at least, the most attractive thing in a guy is sense of humor, and that trumps looks if you had to pick between the two.

Is she correct, and that sense of humor or being able to be funny is most important, when it comes to a guy having game maybe?