Increasing popularity of friends-first approach

Page 8 of 16 [ 242 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 ... 16 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

uncommondenominator
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Aug 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,002

20 Mar 2023, 4:35 am

Pepe wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

Just cos someone is happy in a relationship doesn't preclude the possibility of being happyER with someone else.

Ppl with integrity don't.

But

Pepe wrote:

I don't EXPECT emotional discipline from most ppl.
On the contrary.

And emotional discipline seems a necessary component to act with integrity in the face of temptation.

Rexi
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."

20 Mar 2023, 5:01 am

cyberdad wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

It sounds like an alcoholic blaming the existence of alcohol, rather than their alcoholism. Their inability to say "no" is nobody's problem but their own.

I made very specific caveats which you seem to have conveniently missed.
Male A - attracted to Female B
Female B knows but gives mixed signals in order to string Male A along
Male A practices zen like abstinence fro several years in order to spend days in a week with female B
Female B friendzones Male A while sleeping with several low life Males who use her for her body

I am certainly not saying I handled the relationship well, not am I saying Female B is totally to blame (I must take responsibility for my own naivety)

But female B gameified my desperation and simping for her own ends. When I think of that Singaporan guy suing his former :friend" for friendzoning him, I feel the same way. I was scammed.

I think that's typical behavior of young females who aren't attracted to the kind of guy they wish they'd be.

Be flirty, it doesn't turn them on, move on because it's hard work, awkward and unpleasant. Emotions cloud the judgement and it's too fun when someone experienced white knights them.

The fact they remain friends means they like the person but not romantically. If they didn't have ctrl over their attraction they would sleep with someone that turned them on. (Considering the guy wasn't doing much wrong)

Why do you sound like an incel?

_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. :heart:

Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.

Last edited by Rexi on 20 Mar 2023, 5:39 am, edited 6 times in total.

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

20 Mar 2023, 5:02 am

uncommondenominator wrote:

Pepe wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

Just cos someone is happy in a relationship doesn't preclude the possibility of being happyER with someone else.

Ppl with integrity don't.

But

Pepe wrote:

I don't EXPECT emotional discipline from most ppl.
On the contrary.

And emotional discipline seems a necessary component to act with integrity in the face of temptation.

Emotional discipline and personal integrity support each other.

_________________
Laughter is the best medicine.
"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...

Glory to Ukraine.

Rexi
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."

20 Mar 2023, 1:56 pm

Pepe wrote:

Lost_dragon wrote:

I am curious to find out what he thinks bisexual people do. Only befriend married people?

Can lesbians never have friends because their male friends will pine over them unrequitedly and the lesbian will pine over all her female friends? Or do we just only befriend gay men and / or married people? Or can we only befriend women if we find them repulsive?

Seems excessive.

I am not a lesbian, but I can give a viewpoint as a heterosexual male. :mrgreen:

Just because "you" are friends doesn't mean "you" have sexual attraction.
Some ppl, like me, can switch it off.
E.G., I will never fall in love with a married woman, full stop.
"Love/lust is a choice."
This discipline often/usually comes with age/experience.

Teenage men are often dickheads because of their testosterone levels and inexperience controlling it.
More mature men have less testosterone and usually have greater discipline, especially if they are already in a healthy relationship.

I read just recently that men's libido can lower when they are in a committed relationship.
Apparently, evolution has provided a mechanism where they become more nurturing to help look after the children.
"Interesting."

The waifu is a spoiled babe. :lol:

The male is not allowed to be testosteronish and barbarically pick bull fights with waif like they have amongst men. This genetic system only works with some it seems, though.

_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. :heart:

Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.

Rexi
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."

20 Mar 2023, 2:07 pm

"We found that women in love had higher levels of gonadotropins (FSH, LH) and lower testosterone levels compared to single women who were not in love."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6861983/

Bby, I knew it. We switched roles. I'm getting fertile while you're getting nurturing.

You're also a cure to my PCOS so I must continue my treatment. :wink:

_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. :heart:

Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.

uncommondenominator
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Aug 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,002

20 Mar 2023, 2:52 pm

Pepe wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

Pepe wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

Just cos someone is happy in a relationship doesn't preclude the possibility of being happyER with someone else.

Ppl with integrity don't.

But

Pepe wrote:

I don't EXPECT emotional discipline from most ppl.
On the contrary.

And emotional discipline seems a necessary component to act with integrity in the face of temptation.

Emotional discipline and personal integrity support each other.

Therefore, does it not stand to reason that if emotional discipline is lacking, then integrity should also be lacking, as the one lacks the support of the other?

Also, emotional discipline can absolutely exist without integrity. Con-artists live in this domain. But you'd be hard-pressed to maintain personal integrity, without emotional discipline.

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 32,041

20 Mar 2023, 3:49 pm

Rexi wrote:

[quote="cyberdad"
Why do you sound like an incel?

I'm not, I'm married with a wife and 17 year old daughter.

I am sharing how I felt at the time. Not how I feel now.

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 32,041

20 Mar 2023, 4:00 pm

Pepe wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Did she REALLY lead you on? I thought you said she was surprised when you showed your interest.

In the end she had plans for me which I didn't know nor did she reveal. She did care otherwise she wouldn't have hung around me for almost 4 years. The problem was my brain did not process why a hot 18 year old would show me such attention. It was (I admit) intoxicating. At the time there was no term to describe what I was going through.

Her plan? she revealed it over the phone when stopped returning her calls. One day out of sheer boredom I picked up. and she was crying accusing me of things which I blocked out because I felt so angry at her. What I remember was she wanted me to marry her best friend (who was a student at the time). The other girl was also somebody I was acquainted with and who was an attractive and similar age. I didn't know at the time but she (the other one) was smitten with me.

The plan was I marry her and the three of us would hang out for the rest of our lives. But now she said both of them were unahappy with me. I didn't care since I didn't like the other girl (despite her good looks she had an eating disorder).

uncommondenominator
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Aug 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,002

21 Mar 2023, 12:03 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Rexi wrote:

cyberdad"
Why do you sound like an incel?

I'm not, I'm married with a wife and 17 year old daughter.

I am sharing how I felt at the time. Not how I feel now.

Given the advice you give in the present, it doesn't seem as though you feel any different.

If anything, it feels like you still feel the same, it's just no longer a personal concern, since you have a wife now.

[quote="cyberdad wrote:

(despite her good looks she had an eating disorder).

I feel compelled to note that when you picked looks over personality, with the first girl, who intoxicated you despite her questionable and inconsistent behavior, you got into an unfavorable situation - but when you focused on personality over looks with her friend, when her eating disorder overshadowed her good looks, you likely avoided trouble rather than inviting it. Funny that.

Also note that it only took one single personality trait to completely override and cancel out all of her good looks, whatever they were.

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 32,041

21 Mar 2023, 9:57 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:

but when you focused on personality over looks with her friend, when her eating disorder overshadowed her good looks, you likely avoided trouble rather than inviting it. Funny that. .

It was a little more complicated than just the eating disorder.
So Woman A - 18 yr girl who friendzoned me
Woman B - 20 yr old attractive mutual friend who I met frequently but had no idea she liked/had feelings for me

So one day I walked past a well known men's establishment and saw Woman B walk out dressed in a skimpy outfit. We both locked eyes and said nothing, I shrugged my shoulders and figured "so that's how she pays her bills". She was shocked and stared but said nothing.

The very next day I got a call from Woman A whom I had already ghosted demanding why I hadn't called her and what was going on. Then once she establshed I didn't want to have anything to do with her she told me all about Woman B and how she really liked me and how the two of them (A and B) were going to engineer me falling in love with her and us getting married and then the three of us being lifelong friends (Woman A had no interest in marriage or kids).

But apparently Woman B had told Woman A about me seeing her walking out of a gentleman's establishment wearing what I can only describe as a "hooker's uniform" she felt completely deflated and went home and cried hysterically. She thought she had blown it with me. I of course had no idea.

Bottom line- I knew she had a eating disorder because after going out to lunch with her a few times she would go and throw up her meal in the bathroom which I thought was gross. After seeing she earns money in a massage parlour any vestigal interest in Woman B as a result of the revelations from Woman A dwindled to zero.

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

21 Mar 2023, 11:36 pm

To be continued.
Same time...
Same channel... :mrgreen:

Glory to Ukraine.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,186
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

22 Mar 2023, 9:49 am

… and then A and B together; with C’s agreement, tied up C, and did some bdsm threesome “activity” to him.

_________________
Need an Web/App Developer? pm me.

Check here to get the Block functionality for Wrongplanet:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=390645

uncommondenominator
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Aug 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,002

23 Mar 2023, 5:12 am

cyberdad wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

but when you focused on personality over looks with her friend, when her eating disorder overshadowed her good looks, you likely avoided trouble rather than inviting it. Funny that. .

While that is a bit more complicated (as things usually are once explained in greater detail), it's still just a longer version of a list of reasons why their personalities mattered more than their looks.

And I get it - that was a fair amount of f*ckery to have to deal with. But that was two dumb kids, out of billions of people, 20+ years ago. You were then, and are now, a grown-a** adult. Whatever decisions led you to that situation, were made by you.

The advice you give, currently, carries heavily the weight of how-you-felt back then. Trauma seldom makes for good advice.

Lastly, I fell compelled to point out, that while I am being critical of your situation, I am neither making light of it, nor making fun of it - though I can't say the same for others...

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

23 Mar 2023, 6:22 am

uncommondenominator wrote:

Also, emotional discipline can absolutely exist without integrity. Con-artists live in this domain. But you'd be hard-pressed to maintain personal integrity, without emotional discipline.

Not in the context I was using.

Glory to Ukraine.

uncommondenominator
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Aug 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,002

23 Mar 2023, 11:45 pm

Pepe wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

Also, emotional discipline can absolutely exist without integrity. Con-artists live in this domain. But you'd be hard-pressed to maintain personal integrity, without emotional discipline.

Not in the context I was using.

Yes, well, while most people use context as illumination to add clarity, as a flashlight or a laser beam, to make things easier to see and pinpoint - your "context" is oft provocatively offered in the way a matador wields a cape, dangling it as a target only to be pulled aside at the last second, to then be dangled again in a new location. It makes for a great show, but it's still just a "bunch of bull" running around...

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 32,041

24 Mar 2023, 12:34 am

uncommondenominator wrote:

You were then, and are now, a grown-a** adult. Whatever decisions led you to that situation, were made by you..

Yes I pretty much took responsibility for my own bad decisions

Page 8 of 16 [ 242 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 ... 16 Next

Jump to:

Increasing popularity of friends-first approach Post Reply New Topic

Increasing popularity of friends-first approach