Something is wrong with me. Its the only explanation.

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dorkseid
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26 May 2021, 10:13 pm

I'm almost 40 years old, and I have not had a girlfriend or been sexually active with a woman in over ten years. The only time I did have a girlfriend, it was because she specifically wanted someone she could easily abuse and manipulate. And I wasn't even attracted to her; I settled for her because she was the only option I had in my entire life. Everyone I grew up with or went to school with, including two sisters who are both younger than me, got married and started their own families no less than a decade ago. All the while I still have not been able to get a girlfriend even once in over ten years. It just comes naturally to every other person I know, but never for me. If it was possible for any woman to find me attractive or want to date me, something would have happened at some point in all these years. And because there have been so many women over the years who have went out of their ways to be strictly platonic friends with me, I know that I'm not doing anything that is alarming women and scaring them away. The simple fact is that, for some reason, women universally find me unattractive and unappealing as a romantic prospect. Nothing persists this consistently for this many years by chance. The only possible explanation is that there is something terribly wrong with me. I feel like I'm some kind of unlovable freak.



kraftiekortie
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26 May 2021, 10:59 pm

There’s probably nothing terribly wrong with you.



ACuriousCreature
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26 May 2021, 11:22 pm

Theres something wrong with all of us buddy :mrgreen: its all right though nothing to worry about I get it it sucks not doing a lot of the things that everyone else seems to be doing but i think its better to just enjoy yourself with women over trying to fret over a relationship since I don't know you in person i can't give specific advice but i doubt you were happy in your relationship dont devalue yourself just try to build relationships you enjoy if your focus is solely on a romantic relationship that just leaves you open to being abused



dorkseid
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27 May 2021, 12:48 am

Except that I can't enjoy myself with women because no woman in interested in me sexually in any way. Its not just I haven't had a girlfriend in all these years, nobody has been interested in one night stands or casual flings with me either. Sure, I could hire a prostitute, but she'd only be doing it for the money and still not be attracted to me.

And no, I was not happy in my past relationship. I was in an emotionally abusive relationships with a woman I wasn't even attracted to out of desperation. But the only reason any of that happened is because no other women has ever wanted to be with me.



Mona Pereth
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27 May 2021, 1:19 am

What is the rest of your life like?

For example, what is your living situation like? What kind of job do you have, if any? What are your hobbies, if any?


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dorkseid
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27 May 2021, 8:19 am

I sublet a room in a house with an older lady. She's very nice and we get along well.

I'm currently in grad school working on a master's in special education. I work as a TA in a severe/profound special needs classroom.

I like reading comics, playing fighting games, and collecting toys. I have not had much time for any of that recently because I'm busy with work and school. Before the pandemic, I was in a local board game group that met once or twice a week.



goldfish21
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27 May 2021, 10:30 am

It's Autism, and also possibly what you look like.

I speak from experience. Our behaviours are.. off putting. And some peoples' appearances as much or more so.

Find joy in other things. Academic and professional accomplishments, hobbies, sports, art etc. Otherwise you'll sit around and dwell on things you can't change and waste the time you could have been finding joy.

Annnnd to top it all off, forgetting about dating and relationships and just enjoying yourself might actually end up attracting someone in a round about way if they happen to notice you just being yourself and being happy. You never know. And if not, well, whatever, at least you'll have spent your time on things that brought you joy instead of wasted it dwelling on things you cannot change. 8)


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dorkseid
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27 May 2021, 5:18 pm

I appreciate that you're trying to help. But it sounds like you have no clue what its like to have not been laid in over a decade.



kraftiekortie
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27 May 2021, 5:27 pm

I have a wife----and I haven't made love in over a decade.

I feel like you should know that there is much beauty in life beyond "having a relationship."



dorkseid
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27 May 2021, 6:32 pm

Its a scientific fact that lonely people have significantly shorter life spans. Even when people are perfect content living alone, research shows that they still die at younger ages then those living with partners.

And if I do live to be old, who will I have to take care of me? Some overworked and underpaid nurse aides that hate their job? I've worked in nursing homes; I've seen firsthand what I have to look forward to.



kraftiekortie
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27 May 2021, 7:19 pm

This is why you have to lose weight----not to get girls---but to remain healthy when you get old.



goldfish21
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27 May 2021, 7:30 pm

dorkseid wrote:
I appreciate that you're trying to help. But it sounds like you have no clue what its like to have not been laid in over a decade.


Alright.

The affect change upon the things you can in order to make yourself more attractive.

How your physical fitness & overall health and hygiene? Fashion sense? Treating ASD symptoms vs. letting them run wild and interfere maximally with your life and goals?

These are things you can do to improve yourself and your chances of getting laid.


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dorkseid
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27 May 2021, 8:00 pm

I was told getting stable employment would increase my chances. It didn't.

I was told owning a car would increase my chances. It didn't.

I was told getting out more and meeting more people and talking to more women would increase my chances. It didn't.

I was told getting my depression and anxiety treated would increase my chances. It didn't.

I was told getting a job in a female dominated field like nursing or education would increase my chances. It didn't.

It seems that every time I meet the milestone that I'm told is supposed to finally turn around my love life, I just end up with more of the same and someone giving me a new milestone that will supposedly turn around my love life.



kraftiekortie
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27 May 2021, 8:04 pm

Yet you still did all those things!

You did excellent, in my opinion!

I would glory in what you've accomplished, to be honest.

I know you don't have faith in this idea: But you never know what might happen the next day. Maybe you will meet the love of your life, and she'll love you back.

If you continue to adopt the ideology that you're screwed for life, you will never get anywhere. You have too much going for you to continue to believe that garbage. You've accomplished maybe more than I've accomplished.



dorkseid
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27 May 2021, 8:53 pm

If it was possible for women to find me attractive or be interested in me, something would have happened in all these years.



kraftiekortie
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27 May 2021, 9:14 pm

There is probably nothing majorly wrong with you.

Are your tastes in women very specific?