Anxiety and time management as a social skill

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Fenn
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20 Oct 2021, 8:29 pm

I once came to a shocking conclusion: time management is a social skill. People know when you are on time and when you are not on time. Some people expect you to lead - and time management and "stuff" management is a social skill. Stuff like money and other resources - like where are my socks and "do I have enough clean close to get dressed today."

I am volunteering as a "leader" in the Boy Scouts. I know some people either love or hate the Boy Scouts. It has been a good opportunity for my sons (my daughter was not interested - not even for the things that were open to girls - which is now everything). The basic idea of Boy Scouts is to do fun and adventuresome stuff - 2/3 of "Scouting" is "Outing". But while the youth are supposed to me "learning" to be leaders, the adults are responsible for a lot of stuff. "Driving" is one thing - Driving to camping trips for example. I got myself into leading a Trip - we are going Cave Exploring (fun!) and there is a place where they will do all the leadership for us in the cave (hooray) but all the rest of the planning still needs to happen.
I am feeling overwhelmed.

Work stuff too.

Time management is a social skill.



kraftiekortie
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21 Oct 2021, 7:56 am

It's both a "social skill" and a "executive function" skill, to me.

One of my main problems is that I can't lead a group of people if my life depended on it.

I am sure even "NT's" sometimes experience difficulty with what you experience difficulty with.



Fenn
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21 Oct 2021, 5:28 pm

You've got to play to win. But playing does not guarantee winning.

Need to get up the nerve to send out an e-mail asking for help with the trip otherwise many unhappy youth.

I imagine that if my EF or my people skills were better I wouldn't be stuck in the mud.


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Jakki
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21 Oct 2021, 6:27 pm

yikes issues with both time management And anxiety....!


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Fenn
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21 Oct 2021, 7:51 pm

ok sent two or three e-mail - will need to follow up but the lopsided ball is rolling.

I once read about scientist who went down in a cave with no natural light and completely lost track of time - they got sleep / wake off by like 200 percent from the outside world. big write up on it. They were down there for months trying to study humans and time.



DuckHairback
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24 Oct 2021, 9:58 am

Fenn wrote:
Time management is a social skill.


I've never thought about it in that way, and I'm not sure I really understand what you mean. Are you saying that because an individual's ability to manage their time effectively impacts on others, that affects their position in a social hierarchy?

For me, leadership doesn't come at all naturally. I feel like any choice in my brain exists in a quantum-like superposition, neither one thing or the other, also both. To me, leadership requires having certainty about something, and part of me thinks if you're certain about anything, you probably haven't fully understood it or you've missed some contrary evidence. I struggle to take decisive action.



Fenn
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04 Nov 2021, 10:11 am

People notice when you are bad at time management. It breaks all sorts of unwritten rules. It may effect your position in the social hierarchy, but it may also give people the idea you don't like them, or you are disrespecting them. People basically have an internal sense of time - and for two people to "sync up" requires inventions like clocks and calendars. It also requires effort and empathy and "being considerate". When you are bad at time management it affects your social skills, and social skills affect your time management. Being late to a date or a job interview or an appointment creates a social conflict, - it may loose you the girlfriend/boyfriend, the job or your standing in the group you were late for.
It has caused a lot of arguments between myself and my wife.

On this trip I was supposed to be leading 20 youth and 9 adults. I was late to the initial meeting. The first night, as adult leader, I was supposed to supervise a meeting of the youth leaders (about 7 youth) and guide them through the planning of the next day's events. I couldn't remember the time we were supposed to arrive at the cave and meet with the guide. This was embarrassing - one of the other adult leaders recalled the time from the previous e-mail conversations, and another adult who was busy setting up his tent later showed up and confirmed the date as he has actually made the appointment. I had planed to be at the cave first thing, then go to tour the nearby national park, but the appointment at the cave would not be done until near dark and the park closed. I had the order of events inverted. We had made a reservation for 29 at 6pm at a buffet restaurant (again another adult leader did this - not me) and I could not recall the time of the reservation. Someone else had to recall this and then we were able to "lead" the youth leaders in planning the next day's itinerary which I should have done weeks before, but I kept dropping the ball. I was loosing track of e-mail and and details like that through the entire planning process. I felt like a fool. The same kind of anxiety I had about peers and friends in high school kept coming back - I wanted to youth to look up to me and I wanted the other adults to like me and respect me.
After the trip I escaped into fantasy and escapism on the internet - and even though I gave myself a day of PTO to recover I still lost much of the following day to escapism and it affected my work.
Being non-neurotically overlaps emotional health and stability and back and forth.
I am just starting to regain my emotional and EF stability.
I am trying to be OK with not being OK.
And it is hard.


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Jakki
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04 Nov 2021, 10:23 am

:(


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Fenn
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04 Nov 2021, 8:21 pm

Thorns and Roses (also called "Roses, Thorns and Buds"):

Roses:
I got to know some of the youth.
I got to know some of the adult leaders.
It stopped raining just before we arrived at the camping site.
I was able to get the fire started (I am VERY good at starting fires).
One of the adult leaders and dad's actually thanked me.
The Caves were REALLY COOL
My son said he had a good time.
We had father and son time.

Thorns:
All the stuff I mentioned in my previous rant.

Buds:
I will be able to learn and grow


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ThisTimelessMoment
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05 Nov 2021, 4:34 am

I had fun as a scout. Struggled like mad with the socialising, but that was the same with everything else too.
I know what it's like to struggle with time management. Especially when planning. I am an expert procrastinator! I'm getting better when it involves just me, but when having to juggle other people's schedules too, I drop the balls.
One thing the trauma of having a short tempered father taught me was never to be late. I still arrive early for most things. I am now consciously teaching myself to be late for social events. Nobody else is on time for them anyway and it's easier to blend in when there are already several people arrived.


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