So why was this an weird/awkward thing to do?

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Fenn
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15 Nov 2022, 1:21 pm

Jamesy wrote:
So I was out last Saturday at my local bar. I was talking to this guy I knew about an attractive girl I used to know and when I showed him a Facebook photo of her he cringed and was like “Uhhhhhh god”.

So from his point of view why was that embarrassing thing I did? I just showed him a Facebook pic of her?

He knows I have Aspergers by the way.


perhaps he thinks you are stalking her.


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Summer_Twilight
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17 Nov 2022, 8:11 am

Jamesy wrote:
So I was out last Saturday at my local bar. I was talking to this guy I knew about an attractive girl I used to know and when I showed him a Facebook photo of her he cringed and was like “Uhhhhhh god”.

So from his point of view why was that embarrassing thing I did? I just showed him a Facebook pic of her?

He knows I have Aspergers by the way.


Unfortunately, who you find attractive may not be attractive to the eye of others, therefore you did not do anything wrong.



Jamesy
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17 Nov 2022, 8:54 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
So I was out last Saturday at my local bar. I was talking to this guy I knew about an attractive girl I used to know and when I showed him a Facebook photo of her he cringed and was like “Uhhhhhh god”.

So from his point of view why was that embarrassing thing I did? I just showed him a Facebook pic of her?

He knows I have Aspergers by the way.


Unfortunately, who you find attractive may not be attractive to the eye of others, therefore you did not do anything wrong.



Well he just seemed embarresed when i showed him the picture of her.



Summer_Twilight
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17 Nov 2022, 9:21 am

Well that's his problem, what matters is if you find her attractive.



Aspie1
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17 Nov 2022, 8:18 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Well he just seemed embarresed when i showed him the picture of her.
Possibly, he thought she was below your league, got vicariously embarrassed, and rudely verbalized it. He shouldn't have done that. He should have at least reacted neutrally to the picture, like "she looks nice".

With that being said, my first girlfriend was very unattractive, which I knew. So I didn't dare show anyone a picture of her. Plus, smartphones didn't exist back then, so saying I didn't have a picture made for highly plausible deniability.



rse92
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23 Nov 2022, 2:56 pm

He was probably too polite to finish his thought, which would have been Uhhh, God, here we go again.



blitzkrieg
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23 Nov 2022, 7:53 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
No. He said the goes to pubs because the folks there are his own age. Said that in response to us on WP telling him to go somewhere else to make friends. He was complaining about how his only friends (from other places) are all either little kids and the elderly (not that thats bad per se, but I can understand him wanting meet SOME folks his own age, especially ones of the opposite sex).


Thank you for clarifying.



Fnord
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23 Nov 2022, 8:55 pm

Have you performed a Google image search?

Maybe the girl in the picture is well-known by others, and they think it weird that she would be YOUR girlfriend.


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05 Dec 2022, 9:27 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Possibly, it wasn't "awkward". It was fine.

NTs will often act in confusing or unpredictable ways to troll you or intimidate you. It's a faked act, due to the NTs' predatory instincts: the strong dominate and abuse the weak. My therapist and even my own family did that to me more times than I can count, all because they saw me as weak garbage to be messed with for a cheap thrill. Particularly, they'd pretend they don't know what I'm talking about when I talked about the most normal things, like my toys getting thrown out while I was away, or my sister being favored over me. The person who trolled you had the same mindset. So don't let it unsettle you. Kick them out of your life instead. It's the only thing those NT people will understand.


Well, I think some NTs will act in that manner, but not all of them.
And I think predatory instincts are usually within certain contexts...like prison culture, or schools, or gangs (which may include fraternities, but obviously not as severe as criminal gangs).
The examples you give suggest more covert abuse or passive-aggression; if anything it seems more cowardly to me, like they couldn't be belligerent about it and say "Yeah, I DID throw your toys away, because I think they're stupid."

So what's the deal with the abuse from your therapist? Was he/she gaslighting you or something?



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07 Dec 2022, 8:58 pm

Jayo wrote:
So what's the deal with the abuse from your therapist? Was he/she gaslighting you or something?
100% correct!

My entire family, nuclear and extended, was emotionally abusing me. And my bullies were, well... being themselves. But my therapist was on their side, and tried to gaslight me into thinking there was no actual abuse and the bullies actually liked me the way I was.

Well, I was smarter than her. Imagine: a 12-year-old boy being smarter than a 40-something woman with a Master's degree! So I knew she was lying to me. I ended up turning to alcohol and inhalants, the very substances "they" tried to keep me away from.



naturalplastic
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07 Dec 2022, 9:40 pm

maybe he knew the girl, and she was...his own daughter.

That could make a guy go "oh gawd".



FletcherArrow
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22 Jan 2023, 12:29 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Possibly, it wasn't "awkward". It was fine.

NTs will often act in confusing or unpredictable ways to troll you or intimidate you. It's a faked act, due to the NTs' predatory instincts: the strong dominate and abuse the weak. My therapist and even my own family did that to me more times than I can count, all because they saw me as weak garbage to be messed with for a cheap thrill. Particularly, they'd pretend they don't know what I'm talking about when I talked about the most normal things, like my toys getting thrown out while I was away, or my sister being favored over me. The person who trolled you had the same mindset. So don't let it unsettle you. Kick them out of your life instead. It's the only thing those NT people will understand.


You make some brilliant observations about the predatory nature of NTs.



FletcherArrow
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22 Jan 2023, 12:35 pm

You will have to tolerate ambiguity. Meaning, you may never be able to determine why that NT said that. I suspect that the photo you showed him was of a woman who was really ugly, or unusual or way out of your league. So, he might have thought that your focus on her, while in a bar was a bit strange.

What was the response you had been expect from that NT?



Jamesy
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22 Jan 2023, 12:46 pm

FletcherArrow wrote:
You will have to tolerate ambiguity. Meaning, you may never be able to determine why that NT said that. I suspect that the photo you showed him was of a woman who was really ugly, or unusual or way out of your league. So, he might have thought that your focus on her, while in a bar was a bit strange.

What was the response you had been expect from that NT?



I expected him to say she was "Hot"

Really he just seemed very embarrassed when I showd him a photo of her.