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Emu Egg
Emu Egg

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Joined: 11 Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1

12 Aug 2011, 9:58 am

I have a question about socializing with someone who has an expectation of you as a quiet, shy, extremely introverted, "weird" person.

I started a new job last week, and was so anxious about the new setting and new people that one coworker, let's call him Bob, now seems to think I am a very shy and introverted person. When I first came to work, Bob was very outgoing with me and expressed curiosity about me, asked a lot of questions, etc, to which i mainly answered with mumbled one word answers. So after a couple of days he gave up drawing me out of my shell and we don't interact socially any more, even though we spend a lot of time working together. I try to restart our social relationship by asking him questions about himself but he doesn't seem interested in socializing with me. It is important that we get along because he has to fill out an evaluation of me for my job probationary period. So how do you think I should "re-start" our social relationship, or has the window of oportunity for the two of us to have a social relationship closed beyond the first couple of days when I was the "new guy" that people are naturally curious about? Is it too late to change Bob's attitude toward me? I know he will think it is really weird if I'm super introverted thus far but suddenly trying to be buddies with him, but it is something I'll have to do. Any advice about how I should proceed? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


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Joined: 5 Apr 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 354

12 Aug 2011, 11:19 am

Say to him what you said here:

You were anxious about your new job. You really appreciated how welcome he made you feel and you're sorry if your anxiety made you seem shy or unapproachable. Would it be okay with him if you started over?

If that's too much to say to his face, email him.


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Joined: 6 Jul 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 646
Location: The Netherlands

12 Aug 2011, 3:36 pm

I think you need to say it to his face. Saying "I'm not introverted" through e-mail is a bit of a contradiction.

Otherwise, though, I agree. Just say you were anxious and nervous about starting a new job.

"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. " -Socrates
AQ: 40/50
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SQ: 72/80 (Extreme Synthesiser)
Aspie test: about 150/200 Aspie, about 40/200 NT