Do you ever feel people single you out?

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Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,142

16 Apr 2020, 12:40 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I didn't see the elderly lady, as she wasn't standing in sight, she was standing outside of the bus shelter where I (or anyone else in the bus shelter) couldn't see. If she was in sight, I would have automatically let her have my seat. But the woman who told me to get up (she just came out of nowhere) looked like she was irritated with me. It wasn't what she said, it was the way she said it. I felt like an 8-year-old being yelled at by the teacher to leave the classroom for talking or something.

But this did happen 8 years ago and I wish people would stop dragging up old threads.

As I said, she made a good point but wasn't very friendly about it. However, she probably got upset because so many people from the younger generations have this "I can do what I want," attitude and because you look younger, that's the impression she is giving you. Yet, I can understand why she was upset though because that poor elderly lady was out in the rain.

However, it sounds like being assertive when someone is condescending with you in public might be good.

"Hey, I appreciate you being concerned but I didn't see the elderly woman out there. That being said, you don't get to talk to me like that," which you use in a very firm but gentle manner.

If they give you grief tell them, "I don't like the way you are talking to me, please stop"

Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 6 Jun 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 5
Location: Earth

06 Jun 2021, 1:46 pm

Yes. They say I’m desperate and I want to fit in. But look who’s talking! So what? Everyone wants to belong. Don’t single me out.


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Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,812
Location: South-East England

12 Jun 2021, 5:08 am

I think what got me about the situation was the fact that I was the one that got picked upon to move and none of the others who were sitting there did even though they weren't elderly or disabled. I just felt a bit humiliated, as I suffered with social anxiety so the last thing I needed was to be singled out in front a group of strangers. If the woman had not asked anyone in particular and just instead said "is it OK if this lady sits down?" then I would have automatically volunteered to move. Everybody stared at me as I got up and grabbed all my shopping bags to move. I felt like I was always in the way or in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I beated myself up over it often. I felt like saying "why pick on me?" But I didn't because I didn't want to cause a scene. But I'd like people to realise how invalidated they make me feel.

I've always respected elderly people, so it wasn't anything against the elderly lady. The (younger) woman shouldn't have made me feel guilty about sitting on a seat, as that's what it is there for and nobody owns it, it's first come first serve. So I couldn't help it if I'd spotted the seat first and not seen the elderly lady outside of the bus stop.

I was on the middle seat as well, with about 4 people of different ages sitting either side of me, so it's not like I was on the end nearest to the entrance. I couldn't see through people and wood, I don't have x-ray vision.

Aged 31
On antidepressants
Have ASD, ADHD and anxiety disorder
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)