Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: Houston, Texas

11 Dec 2014, 2:15 pm

I've become incredibly shy as I've learned from experience that I can get in terrible trouble simply for being around (awkward body language? lack of an amusing personality?).

For example, at my job I once folded my pants in a corner of the breakroom while I went and a woman saw the pants and reported me for indecent exposure. My boss took it a step further and described it as "choking the chicken in the break room". I marched down to HR, furious, and explained I wasn't even in the same building. They demanded my boss question the accuser with "did you actually see him in the breakroom exposing himself" and she finally admitted she had made it up.

This is not a new level of situation for me. One day at work I had a cough due to severe allergies (but no cold or anything contagious) and apparently my effort to cover up my coughs was not good enough for my same-level colleague (I was coughing to the point the force of the cough literally blew my mouth open and shot out breath mints). He said "Now what did I tell you, boy! " and I said "tough" and he walked up to my desk hunched over me in a very angry voice as if to prepare for a fight "What did you say, boy?!" and I said "I said tough!". He then threatened to report me...I immediately saved a draft on my computer detailing what he said and did. After seeing me write it he apologized saying "I'm sorry if what I did came across to you as harassment". I still don't get how I "chose" to feel harassed and can't see how it's a genuine apology.

Also, in a full elevator at Disney World (of all places!) I slowly/slightly/inadventently nudged a 20-something (similar age to a bit older) woman who I had my back toward and she yelled "get the ---- off me you dog!! !". It was so bad one man on the elevator yelled back at her "what the hell...the guy is just standing there!". But, nonetheless, I made myself look weak enough to be seen as an easy target.

Several other times, I've simply said asked people to hang out and received the response "you actually need to have something to offer and/or do some actual work first" or "consider the source!" as an argument against me when I make a suggestion such as "I've found linked pentads can work well as an alternative for that", making my best effort to come across as liberal about it. And that includes things like music groups where I've been composing music since I was about 15. I've even had people tell me it's bad social skill to lie about your accomplishments and, for example, been told I "your music does not exist" after linking them to a music site.
I figure...perhaps they think I'm so boring they want to use such bullying to get rid of me...even though they likely don't actually believe I don't write music?

This becomes extremely frustration considering perhaps my only redeeming personal quality is I can create things. I built a playhouse for my daughter, a balance beam, a swingset, I'm designing an electric car, I've designed working software to build accompaniment/chords given melodies...and yet, apparently, I annoy people to the point no one outside my family (daughter, mostly) wants to trust me to build more or enjoy what I've built. I have a girlfriend, but, regardless of what she says in private, she seems unwilling to 'admit' she likes my ideas in public...which does come across that she simply doesn't like them.

And usually, when I try to join any social events, I get polite reminders that "you actually need to have something to offer to attend". Also, as well, people use the excuse "well, your friends treat you badly...get a clue a find other ones?" (hint...I can only choose from people actually willing to be my friends) My own parents have gotten on my case for this as well...even after I moved out on my own...that I bring the discipline/ridicule by others upon myself.
To note also, I don't follow people around to ask about social events or go on in detail about my hobbies unless they ask...and even then I keep it to 3-4 sentences.

People have told me I lack effort/work-ethic...I don't know how to tell them I'm doing all I can, but likely am a bit of a moron so my effort doesn't translate very well. They also have told me I write like a 5th grader and/or lack basic reading comprehension; I'll let you be the judge of that.

However, it seems where ever I go there's at least one person who sees me as a convenient punching bag and weak. I even had a friend in college tell me "people pick on you because you are weak". I'm wondering what about my reactions seems to give them that impression. I walk with my head up, I answer quickly, I keep myself in shape (28 inch waist and can at least bench 170: I'm no bum), I speak very strongly...I'm unsure what else I can do?

Perhaps also, if insulted or falsely accused...what's a good way to make a comeback? Because it seems to be a given that at least once a week, no lie, someone will take a swipe at me...and I'm sick and tired of being the wimp who can't fight back and can't get things done like a real man. I want to actually get something good done...for once.

Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2014
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 48
Location: USA

12 Dec 2014, 4:03 pm

I've come to the conclusion that about 89% of the world's population are jerks and/or chumps. Only 11% (if that) are people you could conceivably be friends with.

I don't have a job anymore, but when I did I was always being accused of some s**t or another by people who wanted to get me fired cuz I had long hair and an open mind. They never fired me cuz I did my job and I did it well, but the (mostly undeserved) censures and write-ups became more than I could take, so I finally gave 'em the finger and left.

~follow your soul, not just your heart~


User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,196
Location: Ontario, Canada

23 Dec 2014, 12:07 am

Acting disinterested and unaffected by these comments can be tough since they tend to be hurtful to you, whether each person has intended to hurt you or not. I think that instead of focusing on comebacks and the like, you should focus on understanding your own behaviors more and learn how to advocate for yourself so that there are less misunderstandings.

I feel that some of your issues stem from people making assumptions or misinterpreting your behaviors which are part of ASD. Advocating for yourself involves explaining to others why you do the things you do so that they won't get the wrong idea about you. For example, you mentioned others dismissing the music you make. It could be possible that you bring it up at a wrong time in the conversation, in the wrong context, or perhaps it's an intense interest of yours so you may talk about it too much to the point where people are annoyed.

I responded to a similar post earlier where I went more into depth into self-advocacy and provided more examples of what it looks like and how to develop it: ... 1#p6401361

Please do a Google search and read some online resources for ASD self-advocacy. Also, if you are able to get a copy, please read "Ask and Tell" by autistic author Stephen Shore, which deals with how to self-advocate.

Are you diagnosed? Please consider telling your employer and/or your coworkers about your diagnosis and how it affects you. If you aren't, please consider getting one as it will help you and others realize that you are not being the jerk you think you are being.

I am an anomaly. Diagnosed with borderline,"tentative" Aspergers at 7 as the school board required me to have a label in order to receive special education services. I did not fit criteria for ASD but that was the closest label that fit my behaviour at the time.

My longtime psychiatrist has confirmed that I do not qualify for an ASD diagnosis (but have traits & OCD-like traits).

Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).