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Aspie202
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15 Jul 2017, 7:40 pm

Ok, so this has been happening for a while. The thing is that good friends keep dumping me out of nowhere. The most recent dumping occurred not too long ago. And I fear this will be a next one, too. Here's what happened:

So, me and my fellow classmate got into a debate about if one of our loneliest classmates had autism or not (which is a very sensitive subject for me), and she basically accused me of being a jerk when all I basically did was assume he had autism (which I also know far more about). She's also been extremely annoying, and pestering me, by nagging me, teasing me, and downright bullying. I blocked her on social media. But she still threatens to kill me (and she's a bit of a psychopath, so I'm kinda worried, but this will most likely not happen). I fear that me and her, and this other guy who happens to be my friend, will dump me. And I also worry that more and more of my friends will dump me, leaving me with fewer and fewer friends.... I'm looking for advice about what to do if this happens again, and why this keeps happening (and remember, I did nothing wrong). :?


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CharityGoodyGrace
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15 Jul 2017, 7:48 pm

She's the wrong one here, not you... and the fact that she threatened to kill someone who she says is her FRIEND but whom she nags makes it sound to me like she's manipulative and she doesn't see you as a real friend, just something she can use. She may also be mentally ill (in a bad sense) and she may also have a very poor, brainwashed attitude toward autism judging by what she said. However, she might have a point... calling someone autistic is labeling them and diagnosing them sets them up for possibly a lifetime of false assumptions about them based on their diagnosis.



Aspie202
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15 Jul 2017, 7:50 pm

CharityGoodyGrace wrote:
She's the wrong one here, not you... and the fact that she threatened to kill someone who she says is her FRIEND but whom she nags makes it sound to me like she's manipulative and she doesn't see you as a real friend, just something she can use. She may also be mentally ill (in a bad sense) and she may also have a very poor, brainwashed attitude toward autism judging by what she said. However, she might have a point... calling someone autistic is labeling them and diagnosing them sets them up for possibly a lifetime of false assumptions about them based on their diagnosis.


Yeah, I never thought about that second part.


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Aspie202
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15 Jul 2017, 7:51 pm

What's even worse about this situation is that I gave her my address, and she could actually come to my house and harm me (I doubt it though). She also said she might even harm me at school, even in front of the administrators, teachers, and students, and even stated "I don't care if they see me do it. Just as long as I harm you". :?


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the_phoenix
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16 Jul 2017, 7:03 pm

If she's a bit of a psychopath, you're far better off without her.
Best thing to do is to quietly slip out of her life, and be safe.
Avoid her as much as possible.
If you must see her, keep interaction to a minimum.

It sounds like you may need to learn to set boundaries with people
so that this won't happen again ...
otherwise, you may continue to attract abusive, toxic people.

And yes, one important part of this is,
don't give out personal information to people too soon ...
take it slow, let them earn your trust ...
and beware if they act super-friendly too soon ...
that's called "love-bombing"
and people will do that to trick you
into thinking they like you.

Careful ...
not everyone has your best interests at heart.

And yes,
it's not a good idea to go around calling other people autistic,
no matter what you suspect.
Some things are better left unsaid.



Chronos
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16 Jul 2017, 7:10 pm

Aspie202 wrote:
Ok, so this has been happening for a while. The thing is that good friends keep dumping me out of nowhere. The most recent dumping occurred not too long ago. And I fear this will be a next one, too. Here's what happened:

So, me and my fellow classmate got into a debate about if one of our loneliest classmates had autism or not (which is a very sensitive subject for me), and she basically accused me of being a jerk when all I basically did was assume he had autism (which I also know far more about). She's also been extremely annoying, and pestering me, by nagging me, teasing me, and downright bullying. I blocked her on social media. But she still threatens to kill me (and she's a bit of a psychopath, so I'm kinda worried, but this will most likely not happen). I fear that me and her, and this other guy who happens to be my friend, will dump me. And I also worry that more and more of my friends will dump me, leaving me with fewer and fewer friends.... I'm looking for advice about what to do if this happens again, and why this keeps happening (and remember, I did nothing wrong). :?


Friends don't bully and harass and if that's what this girl was doing to you, then you don't need her as a friend. I think you should stop worrying so much about friends dumping you and realize that you are a person with value and it's ok for you to dump them. It is not in a person's interest to be so socially needy that they will accept anyone as a friend regardless of how that person treats them. Sometimes people say they will kill someone in a joking manner or as a figure of speech, but if you believe the girl was using the phrase in a hostile manner or to intimidate you, you should alert her parents that she is saying these things.



wrongplanusert
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17 Jul 2017, 5:41 am

The girls clearly has severe problems (or is a ****** ** *******).
Turn your back on her.



Aspie202
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29 Jul 2017, 8:35 pm

Thanks for all the insight guys, really appreciate it. But, I'm worried about if I report this girl to the administrator, she'll use the "oH He CaLLeD mE CUtE" thing, and that I'll automatically lose, and she'll continue to abuse me. Any advice on this last part?


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31 Jul 2017, 6:39 pm

Can you talk to her parents? I would tell them what she said if you really think she's dangerous and/or possibly mentally ill.

But are you sure that she wasn't just joking or saying stupid things just because she was upset?



starkid
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31 Jul 2017, 6:40 pm

Also you can ask people why they don't want to be your friend anymore.



wrongplanusert
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05 Nov 2018, 10:17 am

starkid wrote:
Also you can ask people why they don't want to be your friend anymore.


No-one will react to that with anything but pretence and denial. It would be purposeless asking them.



Mona Pereth
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05 Nov 2018, 4:18 pm

Aspie202 wrote:
She's also been extremely annoying, and pestering me, by nagging me, teasing me, and downright bullying. I blocked her on social media. But she still threatens to kill me (and she's a bit of a psychopath, so I'm kinda worried, but this will most likely not happen). I fear that me and her, and this other guy who happens to be my friend, will dump me.

You've blocked her on social media, and yet you are still afraid she will "dump" you? IMO, you've already dumped HER -- and done so in a rather extreme way -- by blocking her on social media.

IMO, blocking someone is something to be done only AFTER a relationship has been completely broken off and the person continues to harass you. Even then, blocking an ex-friend might not be a good idea, because it doesn't prevent worse forms of online harassment, e.g. it doesn't prevent the person from libeling you elsewhere on social media. It might be safer to allow the person to let off steam in online spaces that are at least partly under your control.

You say she is threatening to kill you. Are these threats occurring online or only in person? If any of them are occurring online, be sure to screenshot them and save them as evidence. You should also screenshot any other online harassment. You should also ask her, online, to stop threatening you and stop doing the specific other things that you regard as harassment. Screenshot these requests of yours too. Then, if she does not stop, screenshot her continuing offenses. You will then have evidence that you can present to school authorities and/or to the police if necessary.

Anyhow, regarding your original question:

Aspie202 wrote:
Ok, so this has been happening for a while. The thing is that good friends keep dumping me out of nowhere. The most recent dumping occurred not too long ago.

To make this less likely to happen with other people you become friends with in the future, I would suggest that you Google "assertiveness," which will lead you to lots of tutorials on how to be assertive without being aggressive.

Back when I was in my twenties, I found similar tutorials (in the form of popular magazine articles; the World Wide Web did not exist yet) to be extremely helpful, both as a guide to my own behavior and as a guide to helping me decide who was likely to be a good potential friend of mine. I knew that I was not good at picking up on subtle hints; therefore, I needed friends who would let me know, in a clear and forthright but non-insulting way, if I was doing anything that bothered them. In other words, I needed friends who were assertive, neither passive nor aggressive.


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