Stratagems of Toxic/Abusive people. Manipulation/gaslighting

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Jakki
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29 Sep 2019, 8:54 pm

This subject. Needs a modifier in its title , i feel strongly .on this , should start with the word ,
"WARNING: To those whom might be taken in " this is a VERY serious issue especially those of us whom wished to live in a more trusting world . Quite sure these tactics , methods have vost people
Livelyhoods, lives and lives of those they love . My experience in these matters is first hand. :!:


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Sweetleaf
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29 Sep 2019, 9:42 pm

It would be interesting if they made a psychological thriller movie...where the gaslighter gets gaslighted.


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01 Oct 2019, 9:43 am

Hi:

Toxic people
1. They use lots of criticism and belittlement - "Only little kids do that"," You actually like that?" "You can't afford that."
2. They can manipulate you - If they put their victims down and the person tries to confront them, they act calm so they make it look like the victim is "Overreacting."
3. Gaslighting- the toxic person will constantly make the victim question their sanity. "Why would I do that? You're imagining things. That's why you need to get help, you heard voices, I am sure of it."



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02 Oct 2019, 2:48 am

Thank you very much for posting this.



liminal
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02 Oct 2019, 10:14 pm

One of the things that abusive people will do is blame the victim in any way they can.

Essentially they portray the victim as the one who is causing harm, as the one who is abusive, as the one who's behaviour needs to be corrected, etc.

They will find some minor fault that the victim allegedly committed (or simply make something up) and use that as "evidence" that the victim is causing harm.


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Jakki
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03 Oct 2019, 12:41 pm

liminal wrote:
One of the things that abusive people will do is blame the victim in any way they can.

Essentially they portray the victim as the one who is causing harm, as the one who is abusive, as the one who's behaviour needs to be corrected, etc.

They will find some minor fault that the victim allegedly committed (or simply make something up) and use that as "evidence" that the victim is causing harm.


This appears as a diversion tactic . These situations are going beyond abuse.
If has gotten to the gaslighting point . (GASLIGHTING such polite term .)

Am sorry but this appears as a very innocuous way to describe , what transpires
In these situation . Merely a minor fault or a lie , does not adequately describe
These manipulations . (See above: posts by others).
It seems that repeated events over a period of time , that are directed to cause serious dis- ease to a individual . Are perpetrated in various methods to implicate the persons veiws or observations of what is actually happening around them , are made to appear distorted to an ' outside party ' observing the situation .
If the perpetrator can bring multiple actors into the situation .
And blur the obvious situation , in reality that the target is experiencing .
It serves the perpetrators intentions . In effect , to attempt to render the victims opinions a not valid.
Avoid these persons . At all cost , considering the peril , that it could cause a person to be put in.


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Summer_Twilight
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03 Oct 2019, 2:25 pm

liminal wrote:
One of the things that abusive people will do is blame the victim in any way they can.

Essentially they portray the victim as the one who is causing harm, as the one who is abusive, as the one who's behaviour needs to be corrected, etc.

They will find some minor fault that the victim allegedly committed (or simply make something up) and use that as "evidence" that the victim is causing harm.


I have experienced abuse from lots of people, including from my own family members. I had multiple forms which I like to refer to as "The abuse sampler platter."

One such example was when I was placed at a company on a work program with job coaches. The CEO, and her late brother were both very abusive and toxic people. However, they talked about their father abusing them as children.

1. The CEO abused anyone who called her out by getting extremely defensive if anyone called her out on things by finding examples and gaslighting. If she or her brother put me down and I called them out it was "I was just kidding."
2. Her brother was more toxic and would constantly criticize me while pretending to care in addition to gaslighting me if I called him out. He also sexually harassed me. The CEO refused to take responsibility for her brother's actions too.

My former boss hates me for advocating for myself and for calling her out. Instead of taking responsibility, she blamed me for "Condeming her family." She also tried to accuse me of "Using my autism as an excuse instead of taking responsibility." Meanwhile, she plays the victim.



Jakki
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03 Oct 2019, 5:10 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
liminal wrote:
One of the things that abusive people will do is blame the victim in any way they can.

Essentially they portray the victim as the one who is causing harm, as the one who is abusive, as the one who's behaviour needs to be corrected, etc.

They will find some minor fault that the victim allegedly committed (or simply make something up) and use that as "evidence" that the victim is causing harm.


wow am so very sorry that has been happening to you. This typifies the extremes that abusive people can go to . And even worse , seen these things by direct observation , am writing it in this way because i do not have the stamina to go into my experiences . Eventually these people became criminally intent . Seeing opportunity in other persons problems to use to their advantage . As has written here before the depth , of extremes ,those people will go to are beyond ones imagination , family included . Eventually ending up in the end of my 13 yr marriage to my husband,resulting in his homicide ./ execution by same people. And subsequent manipulation of the legal system , to make it appear as though he was the aggressor . Inspite of obvious facts in the case. This merely the worst of the many times have been subject to this type of stuff. Understand the idea of popurri (samples of abuse)
This situation not resolved inspite of calls to justice dept and f.b.i.,old case now. Group of three people , related set him up and cornered him.
Talking about self advocating , and how that might go ?
Guess should consider myself lucky? To still be alive even
Not wanting or caring for sympathy anymore . Am writing this as merely reporting of facts . Hopefully allowing for peeps posting here to understand my level of awareness given this topic . I Can identify with these situations.


have experienced abuse from lots of people, including from my own family members. I had multiple forms which I like to refer to as "The abuse sampler platter."

One such example was when I was placed at a company on a work program with job coaches. The CEO, and her late brother were both very abusive and toxic people. However, they talked about their father abusing them as children.

1. The CEO abused anyone who called her out by getting extremely defensive if anyone called her out on things by finding examples and gaslighting. If she or her brother put me down and I called them out it was "I was just kidding."
2. Her brother was more toxic and would constantly criticize me while pretending to care in addition to gaslighting me if I called him out. He also sexually harassed me. The CEO refused to take responsibility for her brother's actions too.

My former boss hates me for advocating for myself and for calling her out. Instead of taking responsibility, she blamed me for "Condeming her family." She also tried to accuse me of "Using my autism as an excuse instead of taking responsibility." Meanwhile, she plays the victim.


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SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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14 Oct 2019, 9:48 pm

Jakki wrote:
SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
HistoryGal wrote:
Since I have no social status, I avoid groups.

Unless you are 100% isolated you have some form of social status. I am referring to reputation within social groups moreso than social class(though that can play a role).

It's basically what you're known for and what qualities they associate with you.


And your goal through pointing this out to someone, whom is isolated IS ...?

Merely to gain understanding I think, though it has been almost 2 years now. Disparaging the experiences of another serves absolutely no purpose. Pacifism and peaceful coexistence is better for everyone. What I have since done about this is I have gone onto SSDI. This subject matter was the core of my argument that Autism made me hugely susceptible to exploitation and powerless against systemic abuse in the workplace due to abusive individuals, in no other setting than the workplace have I seen such relentless and systemically ingrained toxicity.

I had been attacked for every quality about me and every type of thing I believe, including for being Atheist. It was a good thing to become aware of that I am not the only one to experience it. My well being has improved immeasurably simply from being able to leave it behind. My view is we are all human and deserving of basic level of respect and dignity. I am an introvert so having alone time has been a great thing.


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Jakki
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15 Oct 2019, 10:49 am

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
Jakki wrote:
SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
HistoryGal wrote:
Since I have no social status, I avoid groups.

Unless you are 100% isolated you have some form of social status. I am referring to reputation within social groups moreso than social class(though that can play a role).

It's basically what you're known for and what qualities they associate with you.

Allow me to apolgise for my cynicism . Thank you very much for qualifing what you had written ! Even though , maynot have had too .

And your goal through pointing this out to someone, whom is isolated IS ...?

Merely to gain understanding I think, though it has been almost 2 years now. Disparaging the experiences of another serves absolutely no purpose. Pacifism and peaceful coexistence is better for everyone. What I have since done about this is I have gone onto SSDI. This subject matter was the core of my argument that Autism made me hugely susceptible to exploitation and powerless against systemic abuse in the workplace due to abusive individuals, in no other setting than the workplace have I seen such relentless and systemically ingrained toxicity.

I had been attacked for every quality about me and every type of thing I believe, including for being Atheist. It was a good thing to become aware of that I am not the only one to experience it. My well being has improved immeasurably simply from being able to leave it behind. My view is we are all human and deserving of basic level of respect and dignity. I am an introvert so having alone time has been a great thing.


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