Telling People to Mind Their Own Business

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Twilightprincess
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04 Dec 2019, 8:38 pm

Is there any polite way of doing it?

A well-meaning person is crossing the line, and I want her to stop bugging me.



Fnord
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04 Dec 2019, 8:40 pm

“That’s personal.”


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shortfatbalduglyman
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04 Dec 2019, 8:44 pm

Sometimes they think they are trying to "help"

:roll:

Or they are making conversation

Or socially awkward

When I was young, some precious lil "people" correctly told me "none of your business"

But I was just curious



Twilightprincess
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04 Dec 2019, 8:47 pm

She’s not asking me about my personal life. She’s trying to get me to do stuff I don’t want to.

She is my ex’s landlord. We’re separated, not divorced. He’s an alcoholic mess who is also abusing drugs. Basically, she wants me to have him over more and keep him busy, so he’ll be less likely to drink.

She stopped by my house today (again) and made some suggestions about things I could do with him.



Fnord
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04 Dec 2019, 8:53 pm

In that case, a firm “SOD OFF, B****H” would be the most polite thing you could say.


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Twilightprincess
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04 Dec 2019, 9:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
In that case, a firm “SOD OFF, B****H” would be the most polite thing you could say.


She is old, though.



Fnord
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04 Dec 2019, 9:04 pm

Then “Mind your own business, sweetheart” should suffice.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Dec 2019, 2:41 pm

Well-meaning or not, she doesn't seem to be taking your preferences into consideration. Maybe say something like:

"Listen, if I ever want to have my separated partner over, I'll organise it with him, but you must understand that we're separated, and we wouldn't be separated if I still wanted to spend lots of time with him.

What time my separated husband and I spend together is between the two of us, so I would kindly ask that you leave it to the two of us to sort it out."



Twilightprincess
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05 Dec 2019, 4:58 pm

Fnord wrote:
Then “Mind your own business, sweetheart” should suffice.


Maybe I’ll say something along those lines...



Twilightprincess
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05 Dec 2019, 5:00 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Well-meaning or not, she doesn't seem to be taking your preferences into consideration. Maybe say something like:

"Listen, if I ever want to have my separated partner over, I'll organise it with him, but you must understand that we're separated, and we wouldn't be separated if I still wanted to spend lots of time with him.

What time my separated husband and I spend together is between the two of us, so I would kindly ask that you leave it to the two of us to sort it out."


It is really weird. He still wants us to be together, so maybe she’s trying to play matchmaker or something.



The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Dec 2019, 6:21 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Well-meaning or not, she doesn't seem to be taking your preferences into consideration. Maybe say something like:

"Listen, if I ever want to have my separated partner over, I'll organise it with him, but you must understand that we're separated, and we wouldn't be separated if I still wanted to spend lots of time with him.

What time my separated husband and I spend together is between the two of us, so I would kindly ask that you leave it to the two of us to sort it out."


It is really weird. He still wants us to be together, so maybe she’s trying to play matchmaker or something.

Could be. In any case they're not valuing your needs, or indeed your son's needs.

I'm pretty sure your son would fare better without a drug-abusing alcoholic frequently entering his vicinity, and I'm sure the same can be said for you.



Twilightprincess
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05 Dec 2019, 8:36 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Well-meaning or not, she doesn't seem to be taking your preferences into consideration. Maybe say something like:

"Listen, if I ever want to have my separated partner over, I'll organise it with him, but you must understand that we're separated, and we wouldn't be separated if I still wanted to spend lots of time with him.

What time my separated husband and I spend together is between the two of us, so I would kindly ask that you leave it to the two of us to sort it out."


It is really weird. He still wants us to be together, so maybe she’s trying to play matchmaker or something.

Could be. In any case they're not valuing your needs, or indeed your son's needs.

I'm pretty sure your son would fare better without a drug-abusing alcoholic frequently entering his vicinity, and I'm sure the same can be said for you.


For sure!

I frequently have to tell him that he can’t come over for a visit when he calls me when he’s drunk or when I’m scheduled to meet him and he shows up drunk.

At least our son isn’t that attached to him.



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07 Dec 2019, 4:07 pm

Perhaps you could suggest that if he were a better role model he would have been more welcomed in your life as well as your son's life, as it stands he is a bad influence on your son until he cleans up his act.


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Twilightprincess
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07 Dec 2019, 4:20 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
Perhaps you could suggest that if he were a better role model he would have been more welcomed in your life as well as your son's life, as it stands he is a bad influence on your son until he cleans up his act.


I’ve been there many, many times...



Mona Pereth
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07 Dec 2019, 5:14 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
She’s not asking me about my personal life. She’s trying to get me to do stuff I don’t want to.

She is my ex’s landlord. We’re separated, not divorced. He’s an alcoholic mess who is also abusing drugs. Basically, she wants me to have him over more and keep him busy, so he’ll be less likely to drink.

She stopped by my house today (again) and made some suggestions about things I could do with him.

The fact that she's his landlord says a lot about her likely motive.

My guess is that she is considering evicting him, but wishes she didn't have to do that, and is hoping you'll help to put him on the straight and narrow so she doesn't have to evict him.

You don't need to follow her suggestions, but perhaps it might be a good idea for you to let your ex know that she's been expressing her concerns to you, and hence that you suspect he might be in danger of being evicted soon (although she didn't come out and say so).


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domineekee
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07 Dec 2019, 6:08 pm

It sounds like you want to be friendly but get your point across.

A smile, a head shake and a

"no no, that's totally out of the question"

or a polite

"no, I just want to get on with my own life now"

I think its possible to say either one while maintaining a friendly demenour.

Have a follow up question to hit her with straight after declining :D