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Oathdagger96
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 1 May 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Location: Georgia

20 Apr 2021, 2:04 am

Yesterday I was in Hobby Lobby and I saw this girl in there looking around. I think she might of been on the spectrum as well. She was talking to herself and stimming, not really paying attention to anyone around her. I wanted to go up and talk to her, just start a conversation, but I just couldn’t. I felt like I would have been bothering her. This happens to me very often, I want to make conversation with someone but I can’t initiate it because of that nagging “am I going to bother them?” voice in my head. And sometimes I just don’t know what to say to them. I’m kind of kicking myself because she seemed like an interesting person and it could’ve been the start of a potential friendship but again idk. I’m not going to get too hung up on it because “live and let live” but I just get down sometimes because I feel like I don’t take enough chances socially.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,708
Location: New York City (Queens)

20 Apr 2021, 7:54 am

Indeed it would be rude to walk up to someone and say "Hi, are you autistic?"

What are your hobbies, if any?

Have you ever joined a group devoted to some hobby of yours?

In such a group, there's guaranteed to be at least one topic that you and the other people there are interested in, and that you can talk about. There might still be other hurdles to socializing in such a group, depending on how the group is run and on how friendly the members are, but at least there's no shortage of appropriate things to talk about.


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Oathdagger96
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 1 May 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Location: Georgia

20 Apr 2021, 2:22 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Indeed it would be rude to walk up to someone and say "Hi, are you autistic?"


Oh no I would never do that to someone I met. I just noticed she may have been on the spectrum, but I wouldn’t have brought it up.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,708
Location: New York City (Queens)

21 Apr 2021, 6:49 pm

Oathdagger96 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Indeed it would be rude to walk up to someone and say "Hi, are you autistic?"


Oh no I would never do that to someone I met. I just noticed she may have been on the spectrum, but I wouldn’t have brought it up.

I didn't mean to imply that you would. My point here was to express empathy with your feeling of awkwardness, given that the aspects of her behavior that attracted your attention were obviously not an appropriate topic for your first conversation with her.

The remainder of my post was intended to explore possible ways to put yourself in situations where conversations would be less awkward.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- Longterm visions for the autistic community


DesertWoman
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 127
Location: Las Vegas, NV

22 Apr 2021, 1:05 am

What's the worst that could have happened? She ignores you? Or she says, "I'm not interested?" Go with your intuition and your gut instincts. And don't feel like you don't deserve friends. You're as worthy as the next person, autistic or not.