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Jamesy
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27 Jun 2021, 9:05 am

Do you often find in social situations women dont talk to you or avoid making eye contact?

I was at the bar last night with my associates and none of the women who were hanging around with us talked to me.



Fireblossom
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27 Jun 2021, 9:23 am

Happens to me too, with both men and women, strangers and people I've met before. I think that people tend to pick a person or two to talk to when there's a larger group of strangers, and who gets picked depends on the first impression they get from the person's body language and appearance combined. Been trying to fix this by looking as good as I can while still dressing appropriately for the occasion whenever I know I'm gonna meet new people and by paying attention to my own body language. Sometimes it works at first, but then the actual socializing part comes along and when people notice I'm bad at that, they tend to focus more attention on someone else. So, more practice for me, it seems.

Have you ever consciously paid attention to your own body language? For example, I've read that having your arms crossed when around other people gives a message that you don't want to be talking to people. Something about it showing that your guard is up...? Also, how is your eye contact? Do you stare? If you do, I'd recommend fixing that; most people don't like that.



hurtloam
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27 Jun 2021, 10:14 am

When I go out in a group of women we usually go out to enjoy each other's company. We go to try some different cocktails at a new bar for example, or we are having a meal before going to a show, we are not out to meet new people.

I don't think you should take it personally. People are just busy in their own world's, having their own fun. They don't care who else is there.



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27 Jun 2021, 10:51 am

Were they (the women around) with your group or there as their own group(s)? Did you try talking to any of them or just wait for them to talk with you?

The few times I've gone to a bar with friends (all women or mixed), I found it really creepy when random guys just kept trying to talk with me and wouldn't go away even when I was blunt. It shouldn't take having men around in the group to be left alone. So women not being interested in talking to others makes perfect sense to me. And making eye contact doesn't mean "I'm into you", but I've had to learn to avoid making it in bars or men just seem to think it's a huge "come talk with me and never leave me alone" sign.

Eta: I will not get into a huge, nitpicky, in-depth convo about this.

Jamesy wrote:
Do you often find in social situations women dont talk to you or avoid making eye contact?

I was at the bar last night with my associates and none of the women who were hanging around with us talked to me.



Jamesy
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27 Jun 2021, 11:05 am

Blue_Star wrote:
Were they (the women around) with your group or there as their own group(s)? Did you try talking to any of them or just wait for them to talk with you?

The few times I've gone to a bar with friends (all women or mixed), I found it really creepy when random guys just kept trying to talk with me and wouldn't go away even when I was blunt. It shouldn't take having men around in the group to be left alone. So women not being interested in talking to others makes perfect sense to me. And making eye contact doesn't mean "I'm into you", but I've had to learn to avoid making it in bars or men just seem to think it's a huge "come talk with me and never leave me alone" sign.

Eta: I will not get into a huge, nitpicky, in-depth convo about this.

Jamesy wrote:
Do you often find in social situations women dont talk to you or avoid making eye contact?

I was at the bar last night with my associates and none of the women who were hanging around with us talked to me.



I do wait for them to talk to me first



Fnord
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28 Jun 2021, 8:31 am

Jamesy wrote:
I do wait for them to talk to me first
Ahh ... but what do you do to attract them?


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Jamesy
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28 Jun 2021, 9:04 am

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I do wait for them to talk to me first
Ahh ... but what do you do to attract them?



I dressed smartly and made sure I was well groomed.

Some women like the reserved type of guy right?



Fnord
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28 Jun 2021, 11:35 am

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I do wait for them to talk to me first
Ahh ... but what do you do to attract them?
I dressed smartly and made sure I was well groomed. Some women like the reserved type of guy right?
SOME women like reserved guys -- "Some" is not "Most", and it certainly is not "All", either.

If all you are going to do is hang back and wait for a woman to be attracted to you, then you will be waiting much longer than the guys who mingle, smile, and say 'Hello'.


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Jamesy
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28 Jun 2021, 2:37 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I do wait for them to talk to me first
Ahh ... but what do you do to attract them?
I dressed smartly and made sure I was well groomed. Some women like the reserved type of guy right?
SOME women like reserved guys -- "Some" is not "Most", and it certainly is not "All", either.

If all you are going to do is hang back and wait for a woman to be attracted to you, then you will be waiting much longer than the guys who mingle, smile, and say 'Hello'.




Are you still angry with me for what I did to my parents house?



Fireblossom
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29 Jun 2021, 9:13 am

Blue_Star wrote:
The few times I've gone to a bar with friends (all women or mixed), I found it really creepy when random guys just kept trying to talk with me and wouldn't go away even when I was blunt. It shouldn't take having men around in the group to be left alone. So women not being interested in talking to others makes perfect sense to me. And making eye contact doesn't mean "I'm into you", but I've had to learn to avoid making it in bars or men just seem to think it's a huge "come talk with me and never leave me alone" sign.


Oh yeah, the eye contact thing. It seems that some men also think that a woman being polite to them = flirting. I've seen that attitude from some men on WP, too. In that sense, as a woman, it might be safer to always be just a little rude to all men, just so that they don't get the wrong idea. Not that all men are that delusional, but one can't really tell the ones that are and the ones that aren't apart without getting to know them.



hurtloam
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29 Jun 2021, 9:51 am

Eye contact is important. I was at a party. It was in a big hall. A few years ago and a guy said an enthusiastic hello to me, but I only noticed him out of the corner of my eye. I was on my way to do something and he was walking on the other direction.

Totally pointless. I couldn't tell who had actually said hello when I looked round.

So I'm not sure who I ignored and went on my way.



Fnord
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29 Jun 2021, 9:55 am

Fireblossom wrote:
... It seems that some men also think that a woman being polite to them = flirting...
I have seen that in a slightly different way.

A man places an order with a waitress.  In doing so, he makes eye contact with the waitress and/or smiles at her, just to be nice.  His wife/girlfriend sees this and sooner or later accuses him of flirting with the waitress.  He is baffled ("I was just being nice!"), and she is angry ("You were flirting!  Do you know her?  How long have you known her?  Did she give you her phone number?  What is her name?" ... et cetera, ad infinitum ...).

Take my ex-wife...

:roll: ... please!


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kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2021, 11:44 am

All this is why I stopped going to bars and clubs.

I’m not the kind of guy many women in bars tend to dig—so I knew I had to find some other venue.

I had to take action—not waste time lamenting about my lack of success.