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angelofdarkness
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08 May 2021, 3:19 pm

I have a friend who's been going through a really tough time and I've been worried about her hugely with stuff going on with her bf and a bad job. She messaged me the one saying she's not in the mood to talk, so I gave her a few days to herself. I tagged her in a few things trying to cheer her up and messaged her a time or two asking if she was okay or mad at me about something. The last one when she saw it, snapped at me that yes I was irritating her greatly, and that she didn't want to be friends. She kept going that it wasn't just me, she wasn't talking to anyone and so forth and that I wasn't respectful of her and so on. She said sorry "she's a terrible friend" I offered to talk to her when we were both having a bit better of a week but she just out right blocked me. Am I completely in the wrong here or is she being a bit overdramatic about everything?


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Summer_Twilight
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08 May 2021, 4:36 pm

Hi:

First of all, it sounds like she's overreacting and taking her frustrations out on you and that's not fair. It's also not your fault that she's going through a rough time. That said and done, it sounds like she wants to be left alone which is probably a good thing because it sounds like she expects everyone to walk on eggshells around her.

Some people are really weird, one minute they like you and then the next they hate you, for example

As I have talked about before, I was friends with this married couple for a few years and they were always seeming to go through a rough time. Though I will spare the details of the husbands issues, I walked on eggshells around him. He lost his interest in me as a friend and started criticizing and having outburst at me. There were even a few times where I tried to be supportive but he kept snapping at me.



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08 May 2021, 4:45 pm

f**k her .

Let her come round . once she's evaulated everything she'll be back .

give it a few days n show her up . give her a hig and see where it goes from there . some people are in that much mental grief they need re-earthing .

You made tokens of kindness which she appeared to reject .

we all can have times were we want to be alone and immediate rejection of those around is the only perceived logical move . if you're really friends (on her part) things will restore .



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08 May 2021, 6:59 pm

Sounds to me like she wasn't wanting to talk to anyone and your "gestures of kindness" did not respect that well stated boundary. Ultimately, your interactions were more bother than they were worth to her. If something like this happens again, give the friend much more space.


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Summer_Twilight
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08 May 2021, 8:14 pm

Don't beat yourself up over this because you were trying to be a supportive friend to her. That said, Bea has a point of misreading boundaries. Usually the best thing to do when someone rejects you is to leave one message.

"I am sorry you are going through a rough time and I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. If you need anything please know I am here for you.

In the mean time, just leave her alone, I think that's the best thing. If she does contact you and get nasty with you, you may want to set boundaries yourself.

"I am sorry you are going through a rough time but you don't get to talk to me any way you want. If this continues, I will talk to you later."



angelofdarkness
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08 May 2021, 8:52 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Don't beat yourself up over this because you were trying to be a supportive friend to her. That said, Bea has a point of misreading boundaries. Usually the best thing to do when someone rejects you is to leave one message.

"I am sorry you are going through a rough time and I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. If you need anything please know I am here for you.

In the mean time, just leave her alone, I think that's the best thing. If she does contact you and get nasty with you, you may want to set boundaries yourself.

"I am sorry you are going through a rough time but you don't get to talk to me any way you want. If this continues, I will talk to you later."



She has me blocked on all social media and is the type might start things in public sadly, I'm just gonna give her space and do my own thing for awhile


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Mona Pereth
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09 May 2021, 1:41 am

angelofdarkness wrote:
She has me blocked on all social media and is the type might start things in public sadly, I'm just gonna give her space and do my own thing for awhile

Do you and she have friends in common? If so, how close are you with these common friends?


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angelofdarkness
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09 May 2021, 2:41 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
She has me blocked on all social media and is the type might start things in public sadly, I'm just gonna give her space and do my own thing for awhile

Do you and she have friends in common? If so, how close are you with these common friends?



We have two friends in common, my best friend I've known years and a coworker of mine she's known longer than I have


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Joe90
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09 May 2021, 5:32 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Sounds to me like she wasn't wanting to talk to anyone and your "gestures of kindness" did not respect that well stated boundary. Ultimately, your interactions were more bother than they were worth to her. If something like this happens again, give the friend much more space.


I'm going through a tough time right now. If I was to snap at my friend who is only trying to care by telling her not to contact me any more and blocking her and all that, that would be the acceptable thing to do?
I think not. Clearly the OP's friend overreacted. It's not like the OP was bombarding their friend with texts and phonecalls.


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kraftiekortie
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09 May 2021, 5:45 am

Yeah...let this person make the first move next time.

She’s being an absolute b***h. You don’t need that crap.

Don’t let her take her crap out on you.



Mona Pereth
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09 May 2021, 10:06 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I'm going through a tough time right now. If I was to snap at my friend who is only trying to care by telling her not to contact me any more and blocking her and all that, that would be the acceptable thing to do?
I think not. Clearly the OP's friend overreacted.

Clearly this is undesirable behavior, but we don't know the full story. Some people really do need a lot of space and really do need to be left alone, when they get upset, in order to avoid having far worse meltdowns.

Of course it's extremely disconcerting to the person's friends.

It's less problematic when the person has a circle of friends who can assure each other that the person is just going through one of those times and will hopefully recover soon.

Back when I was in my twenties, one of my best friends was like this. Every now and then, she would get extremely upset by something I said and would refuse to talk to me for a while, sometimes up to a few months. Luckily she and I had a mutual friend, so I could still check up on her now and then, via that mutual friend, until it was finally all over.


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11 May 2021, 11:25 am

angelofdarkness wrote:
We have two friends in common, my best friend I've known years and a coworker of mine she's known longer than I have

She might come back to your through one of these friends.

Or —

Give it at least 6 weeks. Then ask one of these mutual friends to extend a low-key invite to a usual type of event.



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11 May 2021, 4:13 pm

It sounds like connecting with your two other friends who a while and just enjoying their company. If anything the ball will be in this other person's court.



angelofdarkness
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11 May 2021, 10:22 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
It sounds like connecting with your two other friends who a while and just enjoying their company. If anything the ball will be in this other person's court.


Given she's the type to be dramatic for months and start stuff I don't high hopes honestly


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Mona Pereth
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12 May 2021, 7:13 am

angelofdarkness wrote:
Given she's the type to be dramatic for months and start stuff I don't high hopes honestly

Are your other friends aware of her propensity for drama? If so, do you think they'll believe the stuff she says about you?


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angelofdarkness
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12 May 2021, 9:09 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
Given she's the type to be dramatic for months and start stuff I don't high hopes honestly

Are your other friends aware of her propensity for drama? If so, do you think they'll believe the stuff she says about you?


I meant like start a scene in public just because, which I'd rather avoid like any other normal person. It's just a bunch of unneeded drama


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