My dad says I'm not allowed to have crushes

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skrish234
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06 Jan 2022, 3:22 pm

So my dad says that I'm not allowed to have any crushes. I've had crushes on a lot of guys before, and will probably have more later. He says that I'll deviate from my studies. It's not impacting my grades and school. I still study and turn assignments on time. He also says that 16 is too young to have crushes. I know this isn't reasonable! It makes me not want to tell him anything! Not even about the current guy I like! What should I do?



funeralxempire
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06 Jan 2022, 3:35 pm

That's not how brain chemistry works and he's being unreasonable. Your response is natural and his attitude encourages a less healthy and open relationship.


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txfz1
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06 Jan 2022, 3:37 pm

I'm not a dad but did stay at a Holiday Inn a couple years ago. If I was a dad and my 16yo daughter was telling me the details of her crushes, I'd be sitting on the porch with the shotgun and letting the crush know the boundaries.

I would think this is a difficult subject now that you are maturing. He needs to buckle up, be honest as it's unreasonable request, and be there for you. My guessing is maybe you could be a little more mature when discussing the details.

Hopefully, better advice will follow me.



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06 Jan 2022, 3:39 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
That's not how brain chemistry works and he's being unreasonable.  Your response is natural and his attitude encourages a less healthy and open relationship.
It is like telling a teenager he is not allowed to have acne.



kraftiekortie
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06 Jan 2022, 4:38 pm

Your dad was allowed to have crushes; he helped create you.



skrish234
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06 Jan 2022, 11:25 pm

txfz1 wrote:
I'm not a dad but did stay at a Holiday Inn a couple years ago. If I was a dad and my 16yo daughter was telling me the details of her crushes, I'd be sitting on the porch with the shotgun and letting the crush know the boundaries.

I would think this is a difficult subject now that you are maturing. He needs to buckle up, be honest as it's unreasonable request, and be there for you. My guessing is maybe you could be a little more mature when discussing the details.

Hopefully, better advice will follow me.


Thank you for your response. It's just that since childhood I was taught that having crushes was a bad thing. It's just hard to tell my parents when it comes to this stuff because they have reacted negatively, especially my dad



kraftiekortie
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06 Jan 2022, 11:44 pm

It’s not fair that you can’t enjoy having innocent crushes.

How can your father ban you from THOUGHTS, especially when they don’t lead to ACTIONS.



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07 Jan 2022, 10:04 am

As funeralXempire said, having a crush isn't something you can control. What you do about it, like if you ask the guy out or not or follow him in social media or something, is, but that's another story.

I don't know what kind of upbringing your parents had, but could it be that they have a different idea than you of what it means to have a crush? Could it be that, for example, they think that having a crush on someone automatically means actively going out on dates or something similiar? Maybe you should try asking your dad how exactly does he think that having a crush will bother your studies and why does he think you're too young.



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07 Jan 2022, 10:39 am

txfz1 wrote:
I'm not a dad but did stay at a Holiday Inn a couple years ago. If I was a dad and my 16yo daughter was telling me the details of her crushes, I'd be sitting on the porch with the shotgun and letting the crush know the boundaries.

I would think this is a difficult subject now that you are maturing. He needs to buckle up, be honest as it's unreasonable request, and be there for you. My guessing is maybe you could be a little more mature when discussing the details.

Hopefully, better advice will follow me.


That's so unbelievably cringy....and potentially illegal. You're really going to interrogate the hypothetical crush while pointing a freaking gun at them? I am sure that would not at all be traumatic to the boy or your daughter... :roll:


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txfz1
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07 Jan 2022, 11:13 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
I'm not a dad but did stay at a Holiday Inn a couple years ago. If I was a dad and my 16yo daughter was telling me the details of her crushes, I'd be sitting on the porch with the shotgun and letting the crush know the boundaries.

I would think this is a difficult subject now that you are maturing. He needs to buckle up, be honest as it's unreasonable request, and be there for you. My guessing is maybe you could be a little more mature when discussing the details.

Hopefully, better advice will follow me.


That's so unbelievably cringy....and potentially illegal. You're really going to interrogate the hypothetical crush while pointing a freaking gun at them? I am sure that would not at all be traumatic to the boy or your daughter... :roll:


Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and expanded it with your own assumptions, I'll answer it the same way. No, I never point a gun at anything unless I'm positive I'm going to shoot it. Just lean the shotgun against the wall and that will be enough message to traumatize the boy. My daughter would understand me enough to know it's a bluff, that I'm just trying to show my love for her by protecting her and making sure the crush had honorable intentions.



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07 Jan 2022, 11:23 am

txfz1 wrote:
Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and . . .
Threatening to use a firearm in a hypothetical situation stopped being a joke since mass murders became popular.



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07 Jan 2022, 11:47 am

Fnord wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and . . .
Threatening to use a firearm in a hypothetical situation stopped being a joke since mass murders became popular.


Only in your "reality".



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07 Jan 2022, 11:49 am

txfz1 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and . . .
Threatening to use a firearm in a hypothetical situation stopped being a joke since mass murders became popular.


Only in your "reality".


From what I've seen, it's still a widely used joke, especially in those situations. Pretty popular even here in Finland where gun laws are a lot stricter than in the USA.

Bad joke if you ask me, but widely used and commonly known.



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07 Jan 2022, 12:01 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Fnord wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and . . .
Threatening to use a firearm in a hypothetical situation stopped being a joke since mass murders became popular.
From what I've seen, it's still a widely used joke, especially in those situations. Pretty popular even here in Finland where gun laws are a lot stricter than in the USA.  Bad joke if you ask me, but widely used and commonly known.
Simply being popular does not make a bad joke good.

Take Donald Trump . . .

:roll: . . . please!



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07 Jan 2022, 12:10 pm

I don't know your situation but I feel your father thinks that since he supports you he can make these claims. If your father believes he raised you well he should have nothing to worry about. I would also hope your father realizes this type of behavior (and demands) is not conducive to having a long term relationship with his progeny.



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07 Jan 2022, 12:13 pm

Some of you need to read the lyrics to the song "Cleaning this Gun" by Rodney Adkins which goes directly into fathers ensuring that their daughter's dates know their place.