My dad says I'm not allowed to have crushes

Page 2 of 3 [ 43 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,439

07 Jan 2022, 2:07 pm

This really should be moved over to love and dating

Though I never had a boyfriend at your age, I had a crush on someone which my dad did not approve of which turned out to be a good thing. When one of my sisters was 15, she started dating someone from another school. He did not approve of him of either. In fact, he told me behind her back that she didn't need to have a boyfriend at 15 because he believed she was too young. Additionally, a lot of guys at that age are very immature. When I met him, he seemed like a nice young man but I could tell that he was not ready to be in a relationship and either did my sister.



skrish234
Raven
Raven

Joined: 29 Nov 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 119
Location: Redmond, Wa

07 Jan 2022, 2:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not fair that you can’t enjoy having innocent crushes.

How can your father ban you from THOUGHTS, especially when they don’t lead to ACTIONS.


I believe that my dad was raised that way. I guess it's how Indian families work. My mom told me that she never had any. I don't believe her.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 16,814
Location: I'm right here

07 Jan 2022, 3:08 pm

txfz1 wrote:
If I was a dad and my 16yo daughter was telling me the details of her crushes, I'd be sitting on the porch with the shotgun and letting the crush know the boundaries.


Just don't do it on a balcony or you might find he's more of a tough guy than you. :lol:


_________________
You can't buy happiness; steal it.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 16,814
Location: I'm right here

07 Jan 2022, 3:10 pm

skrish234 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not fair that you can’t enjoy having innocent crushes.

How can your father ban you from THOUGHTS, especially when they don’t lead to ACTIONS.


I believe that my dad was raised that way. I guess it's how Indian families work. My mom told me that she never had any. I don't believe her.


Exactly. She might be denying them now or she might have denied them as they were occurring but except for people who never feel romantic or sexual attraction pretty much everyone will experience a crush at some point.


_________________
You can't buy happiness; steal it.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


skrish234
Raven
Raven

Joined: 29 Nov 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 119
Location: Redmond, Wa

07 Jan 2022, 3:59 pm

I really think my dad is this way because he doesn't want people to be taking advantage of me. I think he's way too overprotective.



KimD
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 491

07 Jan 2022, 4:00 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
skrish234 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not fair that you can’t enjoy having innocent crushes.

How can your father ban you from THOUGHTS, especially when they don’t lead to ACTIONS.


I believe that my dad was raised that way. I guess it's how Indian families work. My mom told me that she never had any. I don't believe her.


Exactly. She might be denying them now or she might have denied them as they were occurring but except for people who never feel romantic or sexual attraction pretty much everyone will experience a crush at some point.



Yup! Crushes (I was just thinking about them the other day, strangely) are a natural stage in out development, AFAIK.

Personally, my first crushes were boys and celebrities I knew/knew of in my pre-teen years. They were nothing more than guys to daydream about and giggle over with my girlfriends. I did very well in school and managed quite nicely to avoid becoming a whore. I am far from alone in this!

*I* think OP's dad is over-protective to the point of being controlling, paranoid, and just plain silly, but that's from a western POV--and one of a total stranger, at that.



skrish234
Raven
Raven

Joined: 29 Nov 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 119
Location: Redmond, Wa

07 Jan 2022, 4:53 pm

The problem is I've had feelings for guys that I can't explain. Today my crush told me that he didn't like me, but my feelings for him remain. I don't know what to do.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,500
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

07 Jan 2022, 5:01 pm

Don't worry. Your feelings will fade with time. Everything feels super intense when you're a teenager.

My Mum was pretty open about crushes, but was a bit too realistic. "They're called crushes because they rarely work out and you get crushed and hurt". I don't know if that's just her logic or if anyone else takes the word "crush" so literally.

Crushes can be really overwhelming though. I read a thing years ago that suggested if you find yourself thinking about them all the time and it hurts try and set aside a time in the day to think about them and then reduce that amount of time every week.

Can't say that's ever worked for me, but it's a suggestion.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 54,768
Location: Stendec

07 Jan 2022, 5:45 pm

My mother used to say that a crush was the state of being in love with the idea of being in love.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 33,298
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

07 Jan 2022, 6:52 pm

txfz1 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
I'm not a dad but did stay at a Holiday Inn a couple years ago. If I was a dad and my 16yo daughter was telling me the details of her crushes, I'd be sitting on the porch with the shotgun and letting the crush know the boundaries.

I would think this is a difficult subject now that you are maturing. He needs to buckle up, be honest as it's unreasonable request, and be there for you. My guessing is maybe you could be a little more mature when discussing the details.

Hopefully, better advice will follow me.


That's so unbelievably cringy....and potentially illegal. You're really going to interrogate the hypothetical crush while pointing a freaking gun at them? I am sure that would not at all be traumatic to the boy or your daughter... :roll:


Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and expanded it with your own assumptions, I'll answer it the same way. No, I never point a gun at anything unless I'm positive I'm going to shoot it. Just lean the shotgun against the wall and that will be enough message to traumatize the boy. My daughter would understand me enough to know it's a bluff, that I'm just trying to show my love for her by protecting her and making sure the crush had honorable intentions.


I don't think you need to threaten said boy in any way to make sure of that. You could just talk to him man to man without the intimidation is all I am saying. Perhaps I'm wrong about you pointing it at them, but even so there really is no reason to have a gun present if your daughter introduces you to a crush of hers.

I mean do you really want to insure honorable intentions, or do you just want to scare off any boy she likes? I just think the whole shotgun approach is more likely to do the latter.


_________________
We won't go back.


txfz1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2021
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,411
Location: US

07 Jan 2022, 7:02 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
I'm not a dad but did stay at a Holiday Inn a couple years ago. If I was a dad and my 16yo daughter was telling me the details of her crushes, I'd be sitting on the porch with the shotgun and letting the crush know the boundaries.

I would think this is a difficult subject now that you are maturing. He needs to buckle up, be honest as it's unreasonable request, and be there for you. My guessing is maybe you could be a little more mature when discussing the details.

Hopefully, better advice will follow me.


That's so unbelievably cringy....and potentially illegal. You're really going to interrogate the hypothetical crush while pointing a freaking gun at them? I am sure that would not at all be traumatic to the boy or your daughter... :roll:


Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and expanded it with your own assumptions, I'll answer it the same way. No, I never point a gun at anything unless I'm positive I'm going to shoot it. Just lean the shotgun against the wall and that will be enough message to traumatize the boy. My daughter would understand me enough to know it's a bluff, that I'm just trying to show my love for her by protecting her and making sure the crush had honorable intentions.


I don't think you need to threaten said boy in any way to make sure of that. You could just talk to him man to man without the intimidation is all I am saying. Perhaps I'm wrong about you pointing it at them, but even so there really is no reason to have a gun present if your daughter introduces you to a crush of hers.

I mean do you really want to insure honorable intentions, or do you just want to scare off any boy she likes? I just think the whole shotgun approach is more likely to do the latter.


Do you really have this much of an issue with humor, even humor that makes you cringe? Please take comfort in knowing my days of intimidating young boys trying to woo my daughter are over.

Edit:
I'm thinking you have the very precise mind and are taking the joke literally. Nobody in their right mind would carry a shotgun to meet the young man. A young man that is nervous in meeting the girls parents. It's an old school joke theme where the father jokingly says to the daughter when she announces the plans to meet the beau.



Last edited by txfz1 on 07 Jan 2022, 7:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

lvpin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Oct 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 611

07 Jan 2022, 7:06 pm

It's one thing for him to persuade you to not get into dating which makes sense. People that were dating while studying had to deal with a lot of time being taken up and stress. Having crushes on the other hand is uncontrollable. How can he just tell you not to???



theprisoner
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2021
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,431
Location: Britain

07 Jan 2022, 7:22 pm

Image


_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)


Doberdoofus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2021
Age: 49
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 783
Location: Orbiting Wrong Planet

07 Jan 2022, 7:35 pm

^ Thanks, did not want to post first meme on serious topic.

Image


_________________
I don't follow society's rules. But that doesn't mean there aren't rules I have to follow when the Dark Passenger calls.


blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,537
Location: In a square sphere of abstract, nuanced thought.

07 Jan 2022, 7:41 pm

Doberdoofus wrote:
^ Thanks, did not want to post first meme on serious topic.

Image


Being in a closet with a crush is better than no contact at all, especially if your crush has a crush on you & the feeling is mutual. :)


_________________
Cultural Conservative, Economic Socialist.
Christian (LGBTQ+ affirming).
Abstract & critical thinker. 2nd wave feminist.
All humans are equal before God.
Freedom, is the sovereign right, of America.
On vacation


skrish234
Raven
Raven

Joined: 29 Nov 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 119
Location: Redmond, Wa

08 Jan 2022, 1:23 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
Doberdoofus wrote:
^ Thanks, did not want to post first meme on serious topic.

Image


Being in a closet with a crush is better than no contact at all, especially if your crush has a crush on you & the feeling is mutual. :)


Well my crush likes someone else so