Making relationships online is impossible - Here's why

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Do you find that making relationships online is easy?
Yes 36%  36%  [ 5 ]
No 57%  57%  [ 8 ]
Unsure 7%  7%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 14

AnomalousAspergian
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05 Aug 2022, 10:52 am

Because I find it difficult to meet new people in face-to-face settings, I decided to join some apps that have turned out to do nothing to help. Bumble has a setting that allows you to meet either people for dates or friends. However, I have noticed a common pattern in people. If you happen to not have one thing in common with them that's the end of it. It's as though they are looking to tick all boxes rather than being realistic and understand potential commonalities that are not immediately visible at a first impression.

I have also found that even the autistics I seem to encounter seem to be even more less likely to give you a chance, which in one way I can understand as many of us are developmentally behind. Still, it is frustrating. Also, I really dislike the way these apps focus on a swipe function which encourages everyone to have this short-termist mentality of dismissing almost as quickly as liking someone only to then dismiss them if they say or do something wrong. There is no depth in other words. Furthermore, is seems as though simply accepting this rather than challenging it is leading to ever more surface level superficiality in people's general connections. Maybe there are people that have their own cliquey friendship enclaves out there but for everyone else struggling it is difficult.

Also, apps like discord is horrible for meeting new people. It consists of a band of gossipy cliques and people who behave really toxically because there is some sort of group conformity going on that goes along the lines of - behind mean is equated with being strong and being nice is equated with being weak. Another puzzling thing is that I have never understood why other autistics find it easy to talk on a mic and all the annoying US lingo and general affectations is just too depressing and boring to hear.

What do you all think?



kraftiekortie
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05 Aug 2022, 11:32 am

It can be difficult—but not impossible.

I’ve made friends online.



klanka
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05 Aug 2022, 1:54 pm

I meet a lot of people irl. Many of the things you are saying apply to irl too basically.
I tried the online stuff too and found it 10x more difficult though, online you're just a photo and some text. Irl you're given more of the benefit of the doubt , you can form somewhat of a connection and meet people who would swipe left on you in an app :lol:



KitLily
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05 Aug 2022, 2:02 pm

I agree with you about Bumble. The main problem I have is that I live in a small village and don't drive so there aren't many people nearby. I met one potential friend because she was happy to drive to my village. I made sure we had a lovely time, she said it was a lovely day. And that was the last I saw of her, apart from a couple of messages.

I've heard bad things about Discord too. I was invited to Discord but I said no because I'd heard it wasn't very nice there.

Have you tried Meetup? I mostly met strange people via that site but I met a few nice ones. The trouble is, the Meetup fees are so expensive for the organisers that groups quickly close down.


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Pteranomom
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05 Aug 2022, 8:38 pm

I quite like Discord, but I am in particular communities there with people I like.

I think it is easier to meet people through a common activity you both like (or a community devoted to that activity) than by just trying to "meet people."



The_Wolf
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05 Aug 2022, 8:44 pm

I have made plenty of friends online and in real life :)

Further to this, my friends are those who I have known since childhood or those who I have met through a common activity, such as writing and history.



DanielW
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05 Aug 2022, 8:51 pm

Discord, or any other platform will have its share of cliques just like any off-line gathering. There will be people on the fringes, those who don't fit in well in an established group. That is usually a good place to look for possible friendships because they too will be looking for the same thing.

I've made friends on-line and off. Sometimes one way is easier than the other. Some friendships and relationships last, and some don't - but not all relationships are meant to last. Even close relationships can have their limitations.

One thing to note about discord, it isn't one large place, its made up of small and large servers run by individuals. You may find servers you like, don't like or even start your own, but you can't make a blanket generality about it, because it isn't a single entity - its thousands of them. Some servers are public, some are private, Usually based on a particular subject or theme. So you may find one or many that interest you.



KitLily
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06 Aug 2022, 5:37 am

DanielW wrote:
One thing to note about discord, it isn't one large place, its made up of small and large servers run by individuals. You may find servers you like, don't like or even start your own, but you can't make a blanket generality about it, because it isn't a single entity - its thousands of them. Some servers are public, some are private, Usually based on a particular subject or theme. So you may find one or many that interest you.


I didn't know Discord was a lot of separate places! I thought it was one big social media site like Twitter, Facebook etc. I've never been interested in it so I never looked at it.


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I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.