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sibilation
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10 May 2008, 12:51 am

So I'm wondering when people have told people that they're an aspie, and how this has affected their friendships/relationships.

I've only just discovered AS, but I'm fairly certain I have it. I've sent an email to my best friend about it and will be talking to him tomorrow, I know he'll be cool, and I've told my siblings about it, and they've been pretty cool too... one of my brothers was kinda excited for me, that I'd found this forum of like-minded people and so on. I'll probably tell my mum, but not sure about my dad, as we don't have the greatest relationship... actually, for all I know he could be an aspie too, though I don't know that much about his life because he doesn't talk about himself a lot. I do know that he's never been great in social situations, which includes his relationship with his children, particularly me, though we get along a lot better these days. I guess I'll see what Mum thinks. If she agrees with me that he might be an aspie, I think I'll tell him for sure. After I get diagnosed... if I do (I think my psychiatrist is a bit against labelling things), I might tell a few more people... of course it really depends on a case by case basis.



10 May 2008, 1:25 am

I never really told my ex's nor my boyfriend. They found out on their own. My first one read my blog and I mentioned AS and that's how he knew but he never even bothered to look it up, instead he assumed everything I did was AS because I was different from all his friends.

My second ex found me on here when he googled my name when he was trying to find a photo of me. He looked up AS and expected me to be like him eventually and the rest of the stereotypes and the members on here. But I was the one who kept saying I might not have it and I was misdiagnosed because I didn't feel like a real aspie and then he evntually got convinced and that's when he started comparing me to him and to the members on here and saying I am not AS because of this and that.


My current boyfriend he found out when I gave him the aspie quiz to take. Well why would someone give someone an autism quiz to take for no reason? And the fact I went to the aspie barbeque and I took him along as a guest. He did read some about AS but didn't compare me to Laine in her book. Instead he said she was worse than me and I said most of it is just her sensory issues. He knows all aspies are different. He used to see me a sort of autistc and now he doesn't anymore because I got used to having him in my life and routines.



kip
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10 May 2008, 2:02 am

Hmmm... I told my ex, and he blamed everything I did on AS. Some of it was just quirky me, dammit! I have a personality outside a DX y'know.

My current BF knows and understands a lot more. He was in SpEd classes as a kid, so most of his friends were on the spectum in some form or another. Works out well for both of us, as he's also skitzo. I'd spell that out so it doesn't seem rude, but that word is bloody hard to spell!

So we are just two non NT's in a pod :P

But mum doesn't beleive me... so not everyone is quite so accepting. I've had... one boss figure me out. And he was hella cool with it, his older bro is LFA.

So I've had good and not-so-good experiences with telling people.



Brittany2907
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10 May 2008, 3:34 am

I told my childhood friend that I had AS and she called me a retard. Never the less, we've been seeing a lot less of eachother now.

I didn't tell my father but my mother did. My father denied it and said that there is nothing "wrong with me". How would he know?...he hadn't seen me in 7 years until that day. :roll:

I told my cousin that I have AS and he shrugged it off like no big deal. He never says anything about it and treats me exactly the same as he used to, which I like.


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Soopervilin
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10 May 2008, 4:53 am

I told my friends of 15+ years, and they started treating me like I was a diseased, mentally incompetent, subhuman creature. These were people I knew from school and church, and when word started spreading through the church college group, I started receiving fewer and fewer phone calls, emails and invitations to social gatherings. Even when I asked, begged for help in understanding people, women in particular, and for help in actually meeting someone who just might get along with me, I was denied, ignored and shut out from my own circle of friends who'd known me for so long.

On the other hand, when I told my mother about it, and showed her the written experiences of other people with it, she broke down and cried because it all fit me so perfectly. Nothing but understanding from my family.



JerryHatake
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10 May 2008, 8:30 am

I did and they are okay with it.


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10 May 2008, 9:17 am

If you tell people about your diagnosis they will either attribute all of your negative attributes to Asperger's or will think that you are trying to use it as a way to excuse your diagnosis to excuse sociopathic behaviours that you yourself are completely responsible for.
Most people (even those who know what Asperger's Syndrome is) will also probably want to avoid you because they percieve you as either crazy, retarded and/or diseased.



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10 May 2008, 10:33 am

Brittany2907 wrote:
I told my cousin that I have AS and he shrugged it off like no big deal. He never says anything about it and treats me exactly the same as he used to, which I like.

I told my best friend about it and he also did it, like "whatever" :lol:. We have been trough a lot of stuff, I know him since I was 15 and moved to another town. He thinks I'm fine and accepts me as he has always known me, as a person :hail:

Hope that sentence translated well from spanish to english :P

Also, I just told my best female friend two days ago, and wow, very different reaction, it was like she understood a lot about me, and we cried together! She's like the sister I never had, now I love her more!
On sunday we are going to a music concert! :cheers:


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10 May 2008, 10:47 am

I don't tell people unless i know dem well enuff.



Zane
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10 May 2008, 6:30 pm

I tell those worth telling.

In my experience friends do not leave me because of my AS they just gain a new understanding as to why I do what I do when in public EG social awkwardness.

I have found telling random people, girlfriends, and people higher in status EG Bosses is not needed and hurts me more than helps.

-Zane


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17 May 2008, 10:13 am

Personally, I've tried to explain to others that I'm autistic often, then tend to think I must have the classic form of it note though, AS is where I stand.Anyways, most of the times when there is explanation after explanation it sometimes tends to create a scenario where I wind up being treated like I'm mentally retarded or something along those lines.Since then rarely do I make the attempt to explain unless such person(s) really shows a sincere intention of becoming a true friend..



Deus_ex_machina
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17 May 2008, 9:02 pm

My mother will always get there first saying "Oh he suffers from Asperger's" as if that's all she needs to say to explain the holes in the walls, it's like she's warning them that I might try biting their arms just for walking in the doors. And the worst part is that I've confronted her about and and gotten my dad in on it (He understands) and she just doesn't stop. So no I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of not looking like a Rain Manesque time bomb.


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19 May 2008, 1:43 pm

I don't tell anyone, but a few of my close friends and most of my family knows.


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NoriMori
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20 May 2008, 11:06 am

Soopervilin wrote:
I told my friends of 15+ years, and they started treating me like I was a diseased, mentally incompetent, subhuman creature. These were people I knew from school and church, and when word started spreading through the church college group, I started receiving fewer and fewer phone calls, emails and invitations to social gatherings. Even when I asked, begged for help in understanding people, women in particular, and for help in actually meeting someone who just might get along with me, I was denied, ignored and shut out from my own circle of friends who'd known me for so long.

On the other hand, when I told my mother about it, and showed her the written experiences of other people with it, she broke down and cried because it all fit me so perfectly. Nothing but understanding from my family.


That's what happend to me, with my parents! Ever since the shrink told my mom I'm "gifted" (dot dot dot), she's been treating me like I'm mentally incompetent!
Example:
[We're at the dinner table, discussing my grandma's macular degeneration, which has worsened because the back of her eye has started bleeding.]
[I have not been speaking through the conversation, only listening and nodding occasionally]
Mom: [says my name]
Me: Mmm?
Lee [as if she's talking to a toddler]: Do you understand what's going on?
Me: [what am I, four?] Yeah, I understand.
Mom: You understand what's going on with your grandmother?
Me [testily]: Yeah. She has bleeding in the back of her eye.
Mom: And you realize what might happen?
Me [my anger flaring]: Yes.
Mom: You know she might go blind.
Me: Yes! [what the frig is wrong with you? Do I look challenged to you? I'm the same person I was before we went to the goddam shrink!]

I told my friend all this this morning, and she agrees with me. AAAAHHHH!



Last edited by NoriMori on 22 May 2008, 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Beckula
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20 May 2008, 11:13 am

I finally told some co-worker friends...one said that she doesn't think I have it at all. The other two (I told these two people seperately) say that I must have it very, very mildly...I work for a company for adults with disabilities, so maybe they just think I must be extreme to have it or something? They knew someone here who had it, but I am sure he was severely affected? I'm not sure. My mom and dad don't know what to think either. My husband thinks it makes sense.



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30 May 2008, 12:27 am

I have told a few close people.