Greeting people, approaching people, intiating conversations

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princesseli
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25 Aug 2010, 5:19 am

Im not sure if anyone else has this problem. I seem to have a problem which i call the flow of communication which involves mostly greetings and knowing when its appropriete to intiate conversations and stuff. Like say you see someone you met, how do u know when its ok to say hello, or whats the best way to acknowledge them. I brought this up with a psych earlier today and she said I have options I can make eye contact, smile, wave, say hello. Then its like how do I know which is the best way to greet them? But what about like how far they are, if there with other people, if there doing something, etc. And doesnt your greeting vary based on your level of acquintance you are with them? How do you know when its ok to move from a greeting to intiating a conversation? When is it ok to go up to them or do u just keep your distance and greet them? When do I know when its ok to join someone for eating a meal, say I see them in the cafeteria or something. Seriously I kinda feel like a retard but this whole greeting, approaching people, intiating conversation thing is so complicated. I dont know how people just know what to do. Im sure there are other aspies out there that also find this whole greeting thing really easy that would probably think im just making a mess outta something so simple.



JadedMantis
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25 Aug 2010, 9:10 am

I can't really help you there, all I can say is that you are not alone in this.

I never know how to start/enter into a conversation. I am for ever getting the timing for conversations wrong. Those hints as to options are helpful, but you are right that it does not help with choosing the right options. I have also found myself using the same greeting strategy for the director of the company and the janitor. Does not always go down so well. In the cases where I do get a successful greeting done I find myself unsure as to how to proceed from there.

When I manage to get into a conversation I seem to have difficulty with finishing/ending conversations for some reason - even if I have really run out of everything I wanted to say. I will stay way to long with the other person and then still manage to be too abrupt in the way I leave.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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25 Aug 2010, 1:46 pm

You're trying to play chess when you really just need to play checkers, and I do the same thing.

Keep it simple, go medium, and be ready to ping-pong it back and forth. And accept the inherent imperfect, all that good stuff



Jpeg
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25 Aug 2010, 3:39 pm

I just say 'hello' every other time I see someone I know, every time for close friends or people I don't see often.

A large problem I have is with trying to initiate conversation with someone I don't know, I've tried it a couple times in the last week but can't come up with anything to say even if they initiate the conversation and thus I have made no friends yet at my college, in high school I just made friends through friends I already had.


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CockneyRebel
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25 Aug 2010, 3:47 pm

I ask people what they're interested in, and talk about their interests. I also give eye contact, and a firm handshake.


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Asp-Z
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25 Aug 2010, 3:49 pm

I don't talk to anyone unless they talk to me first, unless they're someone I've known for some time and am therefore reasonably comfortable around.



sickforapathyx
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27 Aug 2010, 2:10 am

Usually when they look at you, then they may give off a little smirk. When they do this they are acknowledging your existence. Whenever someone looks at you ALWAYS smile, dont give a big ass half assed smile which will be uncomfortable. Just give a little smirk, and say "hello" back.

Thats usually all it is with strangers. If its someone you know say their NAMES when you say "Hello" back. This makes them think you know who they are and that you acknowledge them. Conversations just kinda happen, it helps though if you get out into the world, and hang out with friends more.