Does approaching people really make you more confident?

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CaptainTrips222
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31 Aug 2010, 3:44 pm

I always heard approaching people again and again and initiating conversation can build your confidence. What do you think?



deadeyexx
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31 Aug 2010, 3:53 pm

Absolutely. Positive interactions leads to positive reinforcement in your ability to deal with people.

Just don't let any bad interactions get you down. It's essential that you dismiss those as negative people with chips on thier shoulder. Nothing you can control.



CaptainTrips222
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31 Aug 2010, 4:27 pm

Thanks!! ! When I approach women, and it gets silent and seems to fall flat, I try to congratulate myself for at least taking the initiative.



ToadOfSteel
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31 Aug 2010, 4:28 pm

deadeyexx wrote:
Absolutely. Positive interactions leads to positive reinforcement in your ability to deal with people.

And what if there aren't positive interactions?

Quote:
Just don't let any bad interactions get you down. It's essential that you dismiss those as negative people with chips on thier shoulder. Nothing you can control.

Yes you can control, by avoiding people that aren't sure to be positive interactions...



spongy
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31 Aug 2010, 4:45 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
deadeyexx wrote:
Absolutely. Positive interactions leads to positive reinforcement in your ability to deal with people.

And what if there aren't positive interactions?.

If there arent any positive interactions you are more likely to realize what you are doing wrong by trying to approach other people than by doing nothing about it. Once you figured whats wrong you can make an effort hiding that or overcoming your problem and youll be far more confident.



Dilbert
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31 Aug 2010, 4:51 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
deadeyexx wrote:
Absolutely. Positive interactions leads to positive reinforcement in your ability to deal with people.

And what if there aren't positive interactions?

Quote:
Just don't let any bad interactions get you down. It's essential that you dismiss those as negative people with chips on thier shoulder. Nothing you can control.

Yes you can control, by avoiding people that aren't sure to be positive interactions...

WRONG. That's precisely the wrong attitude. It is self defeating.

The only true failure is the failure to try.



deadeyexx
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31 Aug 2010, 5:10 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
And what if there aren't positive interactions?


Then you're trying too hard. Any interaction goes downhill and will become bad if you hang around too long. Just cut it off before that happens. Inexperienced people can't last long, but with practice, you'll be able to go longer.

If you're so obnoxious that you get people mad at you even saying hi; then start at waving.



CaptainTrips222
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01 Sep 2010, 12:09 am

deadeyexx wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
And what if there aren't positive interactions?


Then you're trying too hard. Any interaction goes downhill and will become bad if you hang around too long. Just cut it off before that happens. Inexperienced people can't last long, but with practice, you'll be able to go longer.

If you're so obnoxious that you get people mad at you even saying hi; then start at waving.


That's actually part of my problem right there. What you said about hanging around too long- I caught myself doing it today. I came under the pretense of wanting to study at the same table, and sometimes I'd start up the conversation again with a question after a long period of silence. I asked her name when I pretended I needed to leave, but she didn't ask me mine in return so she probably isn't interested... but at least I tried.



GoatOnFire
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01 Sep 2010, 12:16 am

If it kind of works, then yes it will make you more confident.

If it goes badly, then no it won't make you more confident.

So as to the act itself, the answer is no, the mere act of approaching people will not make you more confident.


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MDD123
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01 Sep 2010, 12:51 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
I always heard approaching people again and again and initiating conversation can build your confidence. What do you think?


Running is just about as hard as approaching people for me, I used to hate running and run only as little as possible, and my results weren't impressive. Then, I started running while carrying weights, sure they didn't help at first, they only made it harder to run, but after I got used to them, I went running without them and had a much easier time. What am I trying to get through here?

If you can find a way to have a more challenging time when approaching people, and do it enough, ideally you'd find that the regular approach is easier for you to pull off, at least it works that way for running.



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01 Sep 2010, 2:04 am

Just make sure you have something to say. That's my biggest problem.



ladyrain
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01 Sep 2010, 5:35 pm

deadeyexx wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
And what if there aren't positive interactions?

If you're so obnoxious that you get people mad at you even saying hi; then start at waving.


Toad, you can try.

Buy yourself a packet of gold stars, and everytime you try something stick one on a door.
When it's all covered in stars you can come back and say "Well I tried".
And if you say it didn't make any difference, then we will have to admit you were right all along.

But if you already think it's hopeless, then you haven't really got anything to lose.



CaptainTrips222
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01 Sep 2010, 7:15 pm

ladyrain wrote:
deadeyexx wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
And what if there aren't positive interactions?

If you're so obnoxious that you get people mad at you even saying hi; then start at waving.


Toad, you can try.

Buy yourself a packet of gold stars, and everytime you try something stick one on a door.
When it's all covered in stars you can come back and say "Well I tried".
And if you say it didn't make any difference, then we will have to admit you were right all along.

But if you already think it's hopeless, then you haven't really got anything to lose.


I hate to even say this, but I think it might actually be hopeless for some people. In another thread, somebody said that even if they had the chance to live their past all over again they'd probably make the same mistakes. I thought that was idiocy, but they insisted they cannot improve on their social deficits at all, no matter how much time and effort they put into it.



ladyrain
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01 Sep 2010, 7:49 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
I hate to even say this, but I think it might actually be hopeless for some people. In another thread, somebody said that even if they had the chance to live their past all over again they'd probably make the same mistakes. I thought that was idiocy, but they insisted they cannot improve on their social deficits at all, no matter how much time and effort they put into it.


Oh it's better to say it. Sometimes I think I've picked myself up and started again so many times that I'm not sure if I can stand to do it again. But I still am doing it again, even though I'm not sure why. Why not try? It's the best reason I have at the moment, but it's enough.


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