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Jamesy
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13 Apr 2011, 4:26 pm

here is what happened 4 years ago at college regarding a student with AS

this guy who we did not really know that well since he did not attend school with us previously joined our social group through other people etc..
the guy who joined the group told me he had AS so that is something we had in common
back then my friends were 16 or 17 years old
my friends litterally ran away from the guy with AS on purpouse for a joke a few times
they made fun of him becuase they reckoned he never washed and dropped hints about it and he also wore the same clothers every day
one day one of my friends said to the guy with AS out of the blue "Have you noticed how no one here ever talks to you?" the guy with AS looked around for suppourt from others in the circle but everyone just kept silent then my friend said to him "f**k off and find some new friends"
he really had no other friends in the college
after he left our group for another year he went around to other friendship groups trying to befriend them but after a while they rejected him as well. my friends even joked about the fact he kept getting turned away from every group.
he annoyed the life out of some my friends
Described as weirdo by an NT friend of mine

Do you think that was unfair treatment of the guy or not? there was another guy with AS in our group from who our school who had better social skills and that we knew from school but he was not rejected from our circle. . and another guy with AS a year later form school who kinda annoyed some members of my social circle but he was not rejected like Joe was. I guess Joe just did not have a very likeable persona about him and infact he annoyed me a few times with his behaviour.

What do you think make of the situation? His nickname amongst our friends was "Cling on Joe"



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13 Apr 2011, 4:33 pm

Jamesy wrote:
here is what happened 4 years ago at college regarding a student with AS

this guy who we did not really know that well since he did not attend school with us previously joined our social group through other people etc..
the guy who joined the group told me he had AS so that is something we had in common
back then my friends were 16 or 17 years old
my friends litterally ran away from the guy with AS on purpouse for a joke a few times
they made fun of him becuase they reckoned he never washed and dropped hints about it and he also wore the same clothers every day
one day one of my friends said to the guy with AS out of the blue "Have you noticed how no one here ever talks to you?" the guy with AS looked around for suppourt from others in the circle but everyone just kept silent then my friend said to him "f**k off and find some new friends"
he really had no other friends in the college
after he left our group for another year he went around to other friendship groups trying to befriend them but after a while they rejected him as well. my friends even joked about the fact he kept getting turned away from every group.
he annoyed the life out of some my friends
Described as weirdo by an NT friend of mine

Do you think that was unfair treatment of the guy or not? there was another guy with AS in our group from who our school who had better social skills and that we knew from school but he was not rejected from our circle. . and another guy with AS a year later form school who kinda annoyed some members of my social circle but he was not rejected like Joe was. I guess Joe just did not have a very likeable persona about him and infact he annoyed me a few times with his behaviour.

What do you think make of the situation? His nickname amongst our friends was "Cling on Joe"



Sounds like some of your friends could have improved on their social skills themselves. They sound a bit like bullies to me. Did you befriend him?



bumble
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13 Apr 2011, 4:35 pm

As someone who always gets rejected everywhere I go despite my best attempts to be kind to people and to not annoy them...I am on Joes' side lol. I always manage to annoy people but it's certainly not done intentionally and being rejected just because you get it wrong and irritate everyone is really very hurtful!



Jamesy
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13 Apr 2011, 5:24 pm

Well i woulden't say my friends are bullies.......... ironic becasue some of my friends are a bit nerdy and virtually all of my social circle were bullied by the cooler kids back at in school. shame they have to pick on an aspie just becuase there insecure and have weaknesses themselves. I guess people with AS can get bullied by NT geeks.



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13 Apr 2011, 5:48 pm

Sounds like high school kids.

Yep, thats all it is.

Also if you want to help him out, tell him to wear clean clothes and shower. Stinking is TERRIBLE for social acceptance. I sort of feel sorry for him as it happened to me a lot in school, (I didn't stink though) but we all get it you just have to get past it.

I still get it as an adult.



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13 Apr 2011, 5:50 pm

Sorry that this guy with AS seems to be having a difficult time making and finding friends around the college but as you know, sometimes having not so much friends is actually better than having too much friends in some ways.

Lets just say if you were in so much trouble, you'd find that you would be getting some help to get through than you would do when you have too many friends and that thought even used to scare me until I actually managed to find true friends that I can rely on and they would do the same for you.

You yourself may need to confront him about what would be a problem but you would have to tell him nicely though, this may actually help and don't be afraid of what your NT friend think of it.

Helpful information?


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13 Apr 2011, 7:10 pm

Well, no one should have to be friends with anyone they don't want to be friends with.

OTOH, if that group found out later that Joe hung himself in his closet, would they feel guilty? Maybe that's the test of whether they treated him harshly but fairly, or went a little beyond, into just being as*holes (or they could just be sociopaths and not care at all, of course).

There was a guy at my high school who killed himself. About a week before I had shot a rubber band at him. Probably not a big deal in the big picture, but I did feel like sh** about, later. As small as it was he probably didn't need that tiny little extra bit of crap in his life at that time.



CockneyRebel
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13 Apr 2011, 7:31 pm

Not everybody's going to want to be friends with everyone. Having said that, I do agree that rejection hurts.


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Jamesy
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13 Apr 2011, 7:51 pm

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, no one should have to be friends with anyone they don't want to be friends with.

OTOH, if that group found out later that Joe hung himself in his closet, would they feel guilty? Maybe that's the test of whether they treated him harshly but fairly, or went a little beyond, into just being as*holes (or they could just be sociopaths and not care at all, of course).

There was a guy at my high school who killed himself. About a week before I had shot a rubber band at him. Probably not a big deal in the big picture, but I did feel like sh** about, later. As small as it was he probably didn't need that tiny little extra bit of crap in his life at that time.



Funny you should say that because the guy with AS that was rejected sprained his arm falling off a chair and because of that he did not show up at college for about a week or two. I asked some people where he was and they said "Who cares he could have been run over by a car" or something along those lines. It was a long time ago so cannot remember completely clearly.

Ironic that my friend told him to "f**k off" spends most of his time being unsocialbe these days playiny World of Warcraft. also he has acted quite unsocial towards me and my friends and has done things like refused to go out becuase he would rather play World of Warcraft. Some of my friends have displayed pycopathic tendancies and behaviour esspecially the guy that told him the AS kid to "f**k off" :D



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Apr 2011, 9:11 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Do you think that was unfair treatment of the guy or not? there was another guy with AS in our group from who our school who had better social skills and that we knew from school but he was not rejected from our circle. . and another guy with AS a year later form school who kinda annoyed some members of my social circle but he was not rejected like Joe was. I guess Joe just did not have a very likeable persona about him and infact he annoyed me a few times with his behaviour.

What do you think make of the situation? His nickname amongst our friends was "Cling on Joe"

I remember you complaining about your circle of friends in posts from time to time and now I can fully grasp why. They sound like jerks, lol. Jamesy, you have to see the strange irony in this situation, You claim this "Joe" has no social skills, but look at the ways your friends acted...like they have about as many social skills as Joe.
Sounds like nobody has any social skills so why not be happy together?



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13 Apr 2011, 9:17 pm

Your friends are dicks.

Hang with them long enough and you will turn into a dick to.


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hale_bopp
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13 Apr 2011, 9:29 pm

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
Well, no one should have to be friends with anyone they don't want to be friends with.

OTOH, if that group found out later that Joe hung himself in his closet, would they feel guilty? Maybe that's the test of whether they treated him harshly but fairly, or went a little beyond, into just being as*holes (or they could just be sociopaths and not care at all, of course).

There was a guy at my high school who killed himself. About a week before I had shot a rubber band at him. Probably not a big deal in the big picture, but I did feel like sh** about, later. As small as it was he probably didn't need that tiny little extra bit of crap in his life at that time.


People who kill themselves aren't automatically always right or perfect. If I did, a lot of people, as in over 100, (all internet people) wouldn't care, or in some cases, be happy that I died.

There was this kid who goaded me so I hit him, then he pushed me onto a busy road, he also stole, and was a dick in general. He ended up killing himself 10 years later and I personally think it's ironic that he was once classed as "smart arse little sh*t" and is now automatically a "poor boy" because of it.



Last edited by hale_bopp on 13 Apr 2011, 9:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

hale_bopp
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13 Apr 2011, 9:31 pm

Jamesy wrote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, no one should have to be friends with anyone they don't want to be friends with.

OTOH, if that group found out later that Joe hung himself in his closet, would they feel guilty? Maybe that's the test of whether they treated him harshly but fairly, or went a little beyond, into just being as*holes (or they could just be sociopaths and not care at all, of course).

There was a guy at my high school who killed himself. About a week before I had shot a rubber band at him. Probably not a big deal in the big picture, but I did feel like sh** about, later. As small as it was he probably didn't need that tiny little extra bit of crap in his life at that time.



Funny you should say that because the guy with AS that was rejected sprained his arm falling off a chair and because of that he did not show up at college for about a week or two. I asked some people where he was and they said "Who cares he could have been run over by a car" or something along those lines. It was a long time ago so cannot remember completely clearly.

Ironic that my friend told him to "f**k off" spends most of his time being unsocialbe these days playiny World of Warcraft. also he has acted quite unsocial towards me and my friends and has done things like refused to go out becuase he would rather play World of Warcraft. Some of my friends have displayed pycopathic tendancies and behaviour esspecially the guy that told him the AS kid to "f**k off" :D


tbh I think your friends have more wrong with them than the kid. Psychopath is a LOT LOT worse than a kid who wears dirty clothes and is a bit weird.



raisedbyignorance
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13 Apr 2011, 9:36 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Well i woulden't say my friends are bullies.......... ironic becasue some of my friends are a bit nerdy and virtually all of my social circle were bullied by the cooler kids back at in school. shame they have to pick on an aspie just becuase there insecure and have weaknesses themselves. I guess people with AS can get bullied by NT geeks.


Bolded for truth.

My friends were similar to the friends you mention. In Catholic School I apparently upsetted these nerdy girls my best friend and I hung out with and they wouldn't let me back in for months (best friend included) until I apologized (dont know for what though). They did tease me several times during those several months. When I was let back into their circle they started treating me really bad and I was too dumb to notice. One time we were stopping at a restaurant on our way to our DC class trip, the girls kicked me out of their table because there wasn't enough seats for everyone in our clique. They wouldn't even let me pull up a chair. They thought it was pretty funny when they forced me to sit at a table by myself. We're not talking about pretty popular cheerleader type girls here. We're talking about plain academic-achieving bookworm nerds who gave me this treatment.

In college, I hung around film geeks. Harsh lesson learned: Film geeks have no respect for the girls in their clique they deem to be "cute" unless they can get laid by them. Enough said.

Anyway, I do think your friends were pretty harsh regardless of how annoying this kid was. I would've let him down a lot more gently than your friends did or at least did something to help him fit into the group better. My friends tend to give me ultimatums, most of which I failed to follow. Guess that could've been better for this kid in this case if he really was that bad to hang around. Then he would've probably left the group on his own terms.



Jamesy
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14 Apr 2011, 8:20 am

Yep and the guy who told Joe to "f**k off" took a big s**t on the floor in the college restroom on pupouse 8O How is that for weird?



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14 Apr 2011, 8:41 am

Yeah, your friends sound like um, what's a polite way of saying this? The kind of people that I would only hang out with if I were being paid a 7 figure monthly salary to do so. Even then, it would probably have to be 8 figures to put up with people that d**kish and I'd never do any overtime and quit after a few months before I completely lost it. And out of my circle of NT friends, I'm the understanding one who can put up with the most douchery before finally putting my foot down.

I'm not saying they had to hang out with him, they didn't like him, they had no obligation to. But c'mon, ditching someone as a joke? That's such a 6 year old thing to do. From what you've written about your friends they just come across as jerks, and not unintentionally - which I could understand - but like they enjoy being jerks. I just hope you're careful Jamesy, because from everything I've read of those guys so far, they're perfectly capable of turning on you if they decide they're bored and I would not want to see you hurt by them.