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Summer_Twilight
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15 Dec 2012, 10:49 pm

Hi,

Like most of you, I am on the spectrum and have out grown many things including social skills. However, I have a few friends who have not reached that level and want other friends some point. One of them happened to be introduced to another acquaintance of mine through another friend of ours who we both know spectrum as well. He also is very social and friendly like me. During the introduction, she agreed to add him on Facebook since he is friends with myself and the other guy.

This lady is an NT and is well established. She is also involved in a singles ministry where she has lots of friends. Although she agreed to add him, my friend came to me this after noon and expressed that he could not see her on Facebook and thought she deleted her account. I told him it was not true since I still saw her postings on FB all the time. I then explained that she blocked him which is why he could not see her.


This girl also have a problem with being clicky with other people who knows really well and phony. At the same time, I would have never guessed she would treat a friend of mine like that. I thought she was more mature too.


I don't get it. Why do people agree to add you at all and then bother to block you. It seems like a waste on their behalf. Do you have any idea why she blocked him?



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Blue Jay
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16 Dec 2012, 12:11 am

I think that you should probably explain your concerns to her and ask why. Maybe it could've been a mistake (off chance of that but still), maybe he posted something she would consider "inappropriate" (though knowing that she should be quite familiar with people on the spectrum that probably shouldn't be the case), or maybe she just wanted to add him to increase her friend count (sounds superficial and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on how she is more mature). Basically, you've got to ask if you want answers on this one. Don't know what else to tell you other than telling him to "unfriend" her. Facebook is a difficult medium for many to communicate with, especially if they're on the spectrum and may even see social networks as something as intimidating as "real" life.


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equestriatola
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16 Dec 2012, 12:13 am

I don't, but I feel your pain. That's happened to me a few times! :(


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Vectorspace
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16 Dec 2012, 6:08 am

People don't always act rationally.



Summer_Twilight
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16 Dec 2012, 10:20 am

I agree with Vectorspace. I also understand that she and they operate at two different speeds. She is very talkative, outgoing, and well established and he is not. She is also extremely social while he is very shy although he wants pretty girls for friends. I do not know if he said that to her or not. Either way, he is clueless.

I had heard two other people on spectrum complain to me that they felt she was too phony and two-faced. One of them expressed to me that she told my second friend that thought he is a creep.

Then the other person tried to get to know her and even attempted asking her on a date by posting on her wall with FB. She deleted it and I asked her if she would go out with him. When I saw that, I thought, "Ouch, that was rude." I posted on her wall about going out with him. Then she wrote to me via PM and said that she wanted to just be friends.

In response to all this, I opted to write her a message on FB and mentioned that her actions were wrong and that she really did not seem to think about his feelings at all. I then said that I felt it was time for her to stay away from my friends and I if she was going to act like that. After that I told her to be careful about being two faced with people on the spectrum because they don't always read social cues and it is hard for them to make friends. I then blocked her in response because I got tired of hearing about my other friends taking crap from her. I hope it was not too harsh though.


In fact, I am starting to feel that most of the people in this singles group have not be particularly nice to any of my friends and I. They are a very clicky group and you have to have a well connected friend to really feel in there.



zeroed
Tufted Titmouse
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19 Dec 2012, 11:37 pm

[quote="Summer_Twilight"]Hi,

Like most of you, I am on the spectrum and have out grown many things including social skills. However, I have a few friends who have not reached that level and want other friends some point. One of them happened to be introduced to another acquaintance of mine through another friend of ours who we both know spectrum as well. He also is very social and friendly like me. During the introduction, she agreed to add him on Facebook since he is friends with myself and the other guy.

This lady is an NT and is well established. She is also involved in a singles ministry where she has lots of friends. Although she agreed to add him, my friend came to me this after noon and expressed that he could not see her on Facebook and thought she deleted her account. I told him it was not true since I still saw her postings on FB all the time. I then explained that she blocked him which is why he could not see her.


This girl also have a problem with being clicky with other people who knows really well and phony. At the same time, I would have never guessed she would treat a friend of mine like that. I thought she was more mature too.


I don't get it. Why do people agree to add you at all and then bother to block you. It seems like a waste on their behalf. Do you have any idea why she blocked him?[/quote]

Wow, that is sad. Some people on fb take pleasure in blocking people or making sure they are the one to sever a connection. Not everyone is like that and your friend deserves much better. I have seen the issue described a few times, and the problem is the duplicity, exploitativeness, and a mindset where people are mere objects.One must find a middle ground when trust is involved. Some will make the accusation that if someone is too cautious they are paranoid, but if something bad happens ppl will also say the blockee was asking for it in some way. I welcome others easily within safety limitations, but if they block a friend i just see it is something that could be worse if they had stayed connected. Most of the time there people operate with the kindness of strangers, but the exceptions are not available socially. If there is not enough info to know if the blocking was intentional then less worry is produced. There have been a few people that cut ppl off and then re-friend them too. One lady is super nice too so it may be unobtainable knowledge because of the huge variety of possible causes. Others communicate nicely but their actions seem mean. May be they are confused rather than hostile. There is a lot of written info online that examines social media use patterns which can influence the user to block another, i.e. stuff going on with the other person that makes them want to reduce friend numbers. or that they forget who the person is even if they know them. Blocking was not too harsh! You are a good friend.