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equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 1:16 am

I have this tendency to pick fights with people. For instance, I once got into a fight with a black man because I got angry at him for no good reason; in addition, my parents would punish me by punching me in the face hard. In addition, they took a baseball bat (an aluminum one), and hit me on the face repeatedly until my jaw was broken.

I was once punched in the face by police as well.

What do you think? What should I do to stop picking fights with people at every turn?


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Last edited by equestriatola on 25 Jul 2013, 2:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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25 Jul 2013, 2:08 am

I used to this and I stopped doing it when I had better things to do and I think I grew up a little. I did it online too. I am sure some members here can remember me being involved in dramas because I always felt the urge to fight and argue and win because someone would piss me off. I decided I grow out of it and just watch it instead than get involved and I use my kid as an excuse to avoid it. :wink:


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equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 2:42 am

Why is that I am violent, to the point where I am homicidal?


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monsterland
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25 Jul 2013, 2:49 am

I used to have this problem. Bullying generates PTSD, and you start seeing everyone in the world as being out to get you. You walk in fear, and you hide it by being aggressive toward people who look at you "challengingly".

This is why I started a lot ot fights that could've been easily avoided. This kept going until I took up martial arts and moved away from hostile environments (high school, former friends) that perpetuated my PTSD.

BY THE WAY - if your parents broke your jaw, you need to seek child protective services. This is NOT normal parenting, and could be the root of your psychological disalignment.

Other people's parents DON'T DO THIS.



Schizpergers
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25 Jul 2013, 2:56 am

equestriatola wrote:
Why is that I am violent, to the point where I am homicidal?


You're parents punched you in the face and broke your jaw with a baseball bat? I hope you are not around them anymore. That is horribly abusive. This would explain why you are homicidal. I would kill someone if they did that to me. The situation about the police punching you too doesn't help. Did you try to press charges? If not you should. I seriously hope you have nothing to do with your parents anymore. They sound like horrible people and I think you should have nothing to do with them. Did they get in trouble for breaking your jaw? I hope so.
I do not blame you one bit for how you feel. I hope things get better for you. No one deserves to be treated that way.



equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 2:58 am

It's worse than that, Schizpergers; it's gotten the point where I want to have a pistol with me at all times.

The jaw thing occured many years ago, around 1998 or so.

I just don't know, guys.


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Max000
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25 Jul 2013, 4:02 am

equestriatola wrote:
I have this tendency to pick fights with people. For instance, I once got into a fight with a black man because I got angry at him for no good reason; in addition, my parents would punish me by punching me in the face hard. In addition, they took a baseball bat (an aluminum one), and hit me on the face repeatedly until my jaw was broken.

I was once punched in the face by police as well.

What do you think? What should I do to stop picking fights with people at every turn?


Yeah, you should probably stop doing that, unless you want to end up in prison, or dead.



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25 Jul 2013, 7:02 am

equestriatola wrote:
It's worse than that, Schizpergers; it's gotten the point where I want to have a pistol with me at all times.

The jaw thing occured many years ago, around 1998 or so.

I just don't know, guys.


Make yourself a vow that you will never touch a gun. I have misophonia and it is not nearly as bad as what you went through but I had to vow that I would never own a gun because it would be too easy hurt myself with it. It would be the same concept. You can't do anything about what your parents did to you. I mean you could do something legally but you can't change what they did. They were evil to do that to you and I am so sorry to know that they did. It made me choke up like crying when I read your post. But you can change the cycle. You don't have to continue the violence. You have to make small goals every day, even every hour or every half hour that you will refuse violence no matter how hard it is at first and that instead you will replace it with something positive. Even a very small act. Like if you feel you want to hurt someone take that energy and smile at them or say something nice to them. or do something that encourages you in a positive and constructive way. It may seem fake at first but I think you will be able to control yourself if you try to channel your aggression into positive things. It's very hard to do and I try to do that sometimes when I feel aggression or anger but I think you can do it. Even if you just try removing yourself from the situation to start. Sometimes when I hear a trigger sound that is the best I can do and it helps calm me down. But please, please don't ever touch a weapon. Just make that a decision that you live by, You have been hurt enough, you don't need to end up in prison or dead. And you know what it is like to be hurt as an innocent child, please don't pass on that hurt to other innocent people.

I am sending you a big hug if that is comfortable for you. I hope you can lessen your pain by channeling your anger into positive things.



equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 7:58 am

Thank you, skibum. I really hope that some sort of positive change can be made within me.


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skibum
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25 Jul 2013, 8:15 am

equestriatola wrote:
Thank you, skibum. I really hope that some sort of positive change can be made within me.
You are so welcome, Friend.
I really believe it can. Just the fact that you have enough courage and desire to change that you would ask for help on a public forum is powerful and shows that you can do it. I think it would really be a great idea to start a blog here where you can post goals each day and keep yourself publicly accountable for how you do. For example, you can start with the very small goal of every time I feel violent today I will smile at the person and then immediately walk away and find something that makes me smile. Perhaps you can carry a cute joke book with you or a something that makes you feel good or smile or even carry a notebook and every time you feel violent write down something beautiful that you see near you or a really good characteristic about yourself or a reason to be grateful for something or someone. You can post all of this as well because it will be so inspiring and encouraging to everyone and the sense of public accountability will be tremendous to helping you change. And this is the perfect place to do that because it is a very supportive and understanding environment. You could eventually become so good at this and so changed that you sharing your efforts could affect so many people and change their lives and prevent so much future violence and hurt in others. Perhaps you were allowed to go through what you went through so that you could become a great and powerful inspiration who could potentially save and change many lives. Heros come from all backgrounds and I see no reason why you can't become one.



naturalplastic
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25 Jul 2013, 8:17 am

Shocking!

That youre that way in your offline life.


And its shocking that your parents did that to you.

You dont come off as belligerent on line here at all ( not to my mind anyway).


And belligerent people are...ahhhhh...not exactly unheard of here!

Be more like you are here on WP in your real life-thats all have to add.



equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 8:19 am

naturalplastic wrote:
Shocking!

That youre that way in your offline life.


And its shocking that your parents did that to you.

You dont come off as belligerent on line here at all ( not to my mind anyway).


And belligerent people are...ahhhhh...not exactly unheard of here!

Be more like you are here on WP in your real life-thats all have to add.


I'm not belligerent at all. It's just that these things happened 15 years ago, and I'm still carrying the baggage from it.


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arielhawksquill
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25 Jul 2013, 9:00 am

The testosterone of puberty makes a lot of teenage boys aggro, Equestriatola. That's not you anymore--you're a brony, for heaven's sake.



Schizpergers
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25 Jul 2013, 9:14 am

equestriatola wrote:
It's worse than that, Schizpergers; it's gotten the point where I want to have a pistol with me at all times.

The jaw thing occured many years ago, around 1998 or so.

I just don't know, guys.


From your original post it doesn't sound so much that you're the one picking fights (with the exception of fighting the guy for no reason). It sounds like people have been picking problems with you. It's no wonder you feel this way. I don't know if you still have contact with your parents but I highly recommend having nothing to do with them as they sound like horrible people. Honestly I have often felt homicidal as well and I don't even have a problem with anyone in my direct life, but it's stories like yours that make me feel like getting rid of people who do things like hurt their own children. I don't think anything good comes from those situations but the best advice I can give you is to focus on your future and not your past.



equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 9:20 am

Schizpergers wrote:
equestriatola wrote:
It's worse than that, Schizpergers; it's gotten the point where I want to have a pistol with me at all times.

The jaw thing occured many years ago, around 1998 or so.

I just don't know, guys.


From your original post it doesn't sound so much that you're the one picking fights (with the exception of fighting the guy for no reason). It sounds like people have been picking problems with you. It's no wonder you feel this way. I don't know if you still have contact with your parents but I highly recommend having nothing to do with them as they sound like horrible people. Honestly I have often felt homicidal as well and I don't even have a problem with anyone in my direct life, but it's stories like yours that make me feel like getting rid of people who do things like hurt their own children. I don't think anything good comes from those situations but the best advice I can give you is to focus on your future and not your past.


*nods* Thank you.


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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

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League_Girl
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25 Jul 2013, 10:06 am

equestriatola wrote:
Why is that I am violent, to the point where I am homicidal?



Goodness, I have never been that bad.


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