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ravenloft68
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25 Jul 2013, 10:20 am

I was always avoiding trouble and bad situations. I had the usual bullies in school, but I guess I was too boring for them. Even drinking in a bar, I'm happy go lucky..a bit more talkative and funny. I don't go up to someone and start crap though.


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mikassyna
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25 Jul 2013, 10:31 am

Sometimes if you are abused, you get used to the drama, the rollercoaster emotions that go along with being abused. I know that's how it was for me. Then you start looking to recreate those emotions, because they are familiar and there is a certain rush to them, the fear factor, who knows. But it does imprint something in your brain, and then you might subconsciously seek it out on your own. If you can resist these urges, you can re-map your brain but it takes some hard work and fighting the urge to give in to past behaviors. But each time you let your self-control win, you are overcoming your past. Each time you give in, it takes longer to overcome it. But you can do it. If I can, you can.



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25 Jul 2013, 10:48 am

mikassyna wrote:
Sometimes if you are abused, you get used to the drama, the rollercoaster emotions that go along with being abused. I know that's how it was for me. Then you start looking to recreate those emotions, because they are familiar and there is a certain rush to them, the fear factor, who knows. But it does imprint something in your brain, and then you might subconsciously seek it out on your own. If you can resist these urges, you can re-map your brain but it takes some hard work and fighting the urge to give in to past behaviors. But each time you let your self-control win, you are overcoming your past. Each time you give in, it takes longer to overcome it. But you can do it. If I can, you can.

This is a very excellent point and I think that especially for us where our understanding or perception of time can be distorted things can come up later in life and hit us strongly way after the fact. I think that is why trying to create positive experiences to replace the feelings of violence will be so helpful.

You can start very small and learn to grow in that with the ultimate goal of being as loving, kind and compassionate as you were once violent. Taking every tiny step forward and considering it a victory and a step away from violence will make a big difference. The first step is you asked for help and you are willing to try. That makes you a little bit less violent than you were. If you look at it that way you can stay encouraged and grow from there. And if you have a stumbling thought, make a decision to give yourself 10 minutes of cool down and that usually is enough to deter any action you might have taken that you would regret later. Then remember the small victories and keep on going towards your goal. It does take a tremendous amount of work but I have to believe that you can do this. It is doable and I believe you have the will and courage to do it.



equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 1:35 pm

It can be done for me..... I have it in me.


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neilson_wheels
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25 Jul 2013, 2:09 pm

I used to have massive problems like this, until I was about thirty I was still finding myself in big cr@p. Much of it my own making.

The answer is inside you, somewhere all that frustration builds up and then the smallest event starts it all off. I imagine you have frustration that you were unable to defend yourself.

My advice is to focus on your interests, get yourself into a good environment and find good people to spend time with if you can. Learn a martial art, preferably one with a more philosophical approach. Tai Chi with a good teacher will allow you to refocus yourself and give you the confidence that can defend yourself if you ever need to.

The answer is definitely not in alcohol or other substances. The important part is you recognise that you need to change your behaviour. Good luck, best wishes. NW.



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25 Jul 2013, 4:55 pm

equestriatola wrote:
It can be done for me..... I have it in me.
I know you can do it. And we will support you all the way.



equestriatola
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25 Jul 2013, 6:26 pm

I would like to ask now: Does anybody have the same problem as I do?


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equestriatola
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27 Jul 2013, 3:05 am

I have this "World's out to get me" mentality.... I might add.


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halfandhalf
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27 Jul 2013, 6:28 am

equestriatola wrote:
I would like to ask now: Does anybody have the same problem as I do?


i know this feel

i have no advice for you as im still struggling and hardly ever leave my house

but there you go , someone is like you


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neilson_wheels
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27 Jul 2013, 7:08 am

equestriatola wrote:
I have this "World's out to get me" mentality.... I might add.


I think this could be due to residual anger and frustration. Have you had counseling of any kind, to do with how you were traeted in the past?



equestriatola
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27 Jul 2013, 12:51 pm

neilson_wheels wrote:
equestriatola wrote:
I have this "World's out to get me" mentality.... I might add.


I think this could be due to residual anger and frustration. Have you had counseling of any kind, to do with how you were traeted in the past?


Yes, still is on going as of right now.


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neilson_wheels
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27 Jul 2013, 2:04 pm

Does the counseling make a difference?

Do you still live with the people who attacked you?



equestriatola
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27 Jul 2013, 3:24 pm

Sadly, yes, still, even though the attacks happened 15 years ago. I've lived on and off on my own since 2007.

I dunno, it can be so tough, sorry to say.

The counseling seems to work so far.


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equestriatola
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27 Jul 2013, 10:34 pm

I mean, I've made strides in the past few years in overcoming my shady past.


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equestriatola
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28 Jul 2013, 2:41 am

I will tell ya why I was attacked with a bat: It was over some bad behavior of mine, or some transgression I cannot remember. But either way, I got a lot of punches to my face back in the day.


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neilson_wheels
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28 Jul 2013, 6:11 am

It sounds like you are improving your life, keep doing what you are doing.

No one deserves to be treated like that.