Page 3 of 4 [ 49 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,065
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

28 Jul 2013, 6:26 pm

^ Thank you.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,065
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

28 Jul 2013, 6:30 pm

I also want to say my parents were typical Korean parents, very strict and almost Mormon-like to a degree.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


neilson_wheels
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2013
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,404
Location: London, Capital of the Un-United Kingdom

29 Jul 2013, 6:03 am

I think you are doing well considering your past.

The most important thing is that you want to change your life.

This is very admirable, more power to you. Best wishes, NW.



equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,065
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

29 Jul 2013, 9:26 pm

One last note: I don't really have any scars from this, they all disappeared years ago.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,065
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

30 Jul 2013, 12:55 am

Right now, I told my psych about the beating I mentioned, and I feel guilt and depression because I finally told her, I am sad.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


DJFester
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Dec 2009
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,084
Location: Minneapolis MN USA

30 Jul 2013, 1:18 am

Telling others about the abuse you've suffered is a very big step in the right direction. Holding that inside for all this time has a lot to do with your residual frustration and anger about it. You may be suffering from PTSD, I would guess... but again, I'm no doctor. Hopefully your psych people will be able to help you move forward from this point, help you to process things through appropriate therapy, and possibly help you with other living arrangements, if that becomes (or is) necessary to remove you from an abusive environment. Hopefully you are receiving some anger management therapy, to help with the violence and anger issues you've described.
I wish you the best of luck - and as others have already said here, nobody deserves to be treated that way.


_________________
You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.


equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,065
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

30 Jul 2013, 1:20 am

DJFester wrote:
Telling others about the abuse you've suffered is a very big step in the right direction. Holding that inside for all this time has a lot to do with your residual frustration and anger about it. You may be suffering from PTSD, I would guess... but again, I'm no doctor. Hopefully your psych people will be able to help you move forward from this point, help you to process things through appropriate therapy, and possibly help you with other living arrangements, if that becomes (or is) necessary to remove you from an abusive environment. Hopefully you are receiving some anger management therapy, to help with the violence and anger issues you've described.
I wish you the best of luck - and as others have already said here, nobody deserves to be treated that way.


Yes, it has been confirmed that I may have PTSD.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


Davvo7
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 286
Location: UK

30 Jul 2013, 3:49 am

Breaking the silence is a massive step forward so try and hang onto that. Your past can never have the same type of hold over you now you have spoken about it. I admire your strength.

If it helps, I was once in a group therapy session for adult male 'survivors' of various types of abuse. We were talking about the rage that burns up your insides and makes you do stupid things and one guy said, "I'm really embarrassed about this but I broke my hand punching a wall." I laughed and told him I had done the same thing punching a door and then all 9 of us admitted doing ourselves damage from punching and kicking inanimate objects. Admittedly, one guy punched a doorman at a nightclub, but we all agreed that many of them class as inanimate. The thing that we had in common was that we were carrying a lot of emotion, be it anger, distress, frustration, unforgiveness and guilt. Another common theme was that we had all got to an age where it just felt wrong and we wanted to stop feeling and acting that way. I think it sounds like you are there too. The only person you have to forgive is yourself, nobody else. You did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment.

There is a rule in Forensic science called Locards exchange principle, and whilst meant for physical evidence, still rings true, and that is, "Every contact leaves a trace!" We are all impacted, be it good or bad by our experiences and they continue to resonate afterwards. I don't care about "cultural differences", what they did was wrong, what they did was abuse. I'm not surprised in the least that you have those feelings, but the thing that I find inspiring is that you are trying to change.

Believe in yourself and let the anger go, it might just save you from a lot more pain.



equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,065
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

30 Jul 2013, 11:19 am

I've done that, let the anger go, and it's worked for me, I must say........ this is one reason why I am the always happy person you see out here.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


halfandhalf
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 18

30 Jul 2013, 1:36 pm

i cant let it go


_________________
auto wizard


Davvo7
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 286
Location: UK

01 Aug 2013, 2:47 am

It is an incredibly difficult thing to do, no doubt about it, and in all honesty I still have my moments where it all threatens to boil over again. I've learned to recognise the situations and to try to divert it before it gets out of hand. I know this sounds a cliche, but get outside and dig stuff up! Go to a gym and pour the energy into something positive, maybe run? I obviously don't know your circumstances, but letting anything fester, but especially anger is potentially really negative. I used to go to a piece of waste land where you could dig up old bottles and dig huge holes and then fill them back up listening to The Rollins Band on my 'walkman' - yes I know, a Walkman!! !! - but in my defence it was along time ago. Nowadays I listen to specific pieces of music, take the dog for a long walk, bake bread (kneading the dough is fantastic!) or read my favourite book about the development of type fonts - I confess to being a man of odd enthusiasms. That works for me as a diversion, I suggest you try to focus on what takes you to a calm place in your head and replicate that whenever the feelings start to build. I appreciate this may sound a bit 'hippy dippy' to some, but who gives a sh*t if it works?

I don't know if you have access to any services that could help, but if so, then I strongly urge you to see if there is any support available where you live. I appreciate it is that bit harder to be on the AS and have to deal with this kind of stuff, but do it for you and nobody else, you, like the rest of us on here, deserve to live in peace with ourselves. As for living in peace with the rest of them, well that is what sites like this are here to try and bring about. Take care of yourself.


_________________
Moomintroll sighed. He felt sad even though he had no real reason to feel that way.


turtleoverhare
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 147
Location: Brisbane, QLD

01 Aug 2013, 3:16 am

when people disregard and mistreat you all your life rage is the result but it will make you end up in jail, it did for me 10 months of torture, being stuck in a unit with 40 other inmates and you cant get away its exhausting...



turtleoverhare
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 147
Location: Brisbane, QLD

01 Aug 2013, 3:17 am

and by that I mean can't get away from the people, the confinement barely bothered me just having to try socialize or basically get bashed etc



Davvo7
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 286
Location: UK

01 Aug 2013, 4:22 am

I hope it is working out for you now you're out though. I can't think of anything worse than that situation. I bet there was no support inside either.



turtleoverhare
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 147
Location: Brisbane, QLD

01 Aug 2013, 6:49 am

Davvo it is working out for me now , have my own place, good neighbours etc., and if you asked for support of any sort inside you'd be put on one of these weak or a snitch , so I just did it hard. I can say though I'm a bodybuilder now and wouldn't be if I never went to jail so that's one positive I got out of it, and it made me a lot stronger aswell.



Davvo7
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 286
Location: UK

01 Aug 2013, 7:10 am

Glad you can find a positive mate. Keep pumping iron and take care.