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namaste
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11 Nov 2013, 10:10 pm

How do you continue to coexsist in a world where you are given cold shoulder by everyone
Your exsistence is not at all counted
You dont make to any friend list
Your own kith and kin exclude you
Your phone never rings
(only opposite sex tries to make a guinea pig out of you)

Can a person survive long without love


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Fnord
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11 Nov 2013, 10:30 pm

Oh, Namaste ... I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better; but all I have to contribute is that I've had to simply accept the fact that I'm unwanted by even my own flesh-and-blood. It still hurts (that dull, empty ache in the pit of my stomach), and even my wife can't completely fill it.

Sometimes, I wish that I had been an orphan who had never been adopted; then I'd have reason to cut myself off completely from humanity and live by myself, and on my own. But I can't shake this need to feel connected, somehow, with my ancestry -- and that means that I occasionally have to deal with relatives who never speak to me except to say how much they miss me ... every year or so ...

It's hard to feel loved when everyone seems to ignore you; it's even harder when they actually do ignore you.

It must be hardest for a woman.

I have hobbies - I read, practice the violin, cook, write short stories, listen to the shortwave, and go for walks. These help me to feel less of the loneliness. I have a job that keeps me busy during the week. Sometimes, I even enjoy going to church.

I guess that's the key, for me -- keeping busy. Maybe that would work for you, too ... ?


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AspieWolf
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11 Nov 2013, 11:20 pm

I understand how you feel. I too am ignored and most people I meet do not want to maintain relationships with me. Why I do not understand. So I end up trying to make a life for myself by myself much as Fnord has suggested in his response. I have my hobbies like writing, music, hiking, reading, and amateur radio and these are my world. And too there are my own personal spiritual practices. Yes, it is a rather lonely way to live. Perhaps a lot of what we are in this life is simply the result of our previous lives.


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auntblabby
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12 Nov 2013, 2:27 am

AspieWolf wrote:
I understand how you feel. I too am ignored and most people I meet do not want to maintain relationships with me. Why I do not understand. So I end up trying to make a life for myself by myself much as Fnord has suggested in his response. I have my hobbies like writing, music, hiking, reading, and amateur radio and these are my world. And too there are my own personal spiritual practices. Yes, it is a rather lonely way to live. Perhaps a lot of what we are in this life is simply the result of our previous lives.

in this respect are we not like monks sans order?



namaste
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12 Nov 2013, 2:36 am

Fnord wrote:
Oh, Namaste ... I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better; but all I have to contribute is that I've had to simply accept the fact that I'm unwanted by even my own flesh-and-blood. It still hurts (that dull, empty ache in the pit of my stomach), and even my wife can't completely fill it.

Sometimes, I wish that I had been an orphan who had never been adopted; then I'd have reason to cut myself off completely from humanity and live by myself, and on my own. But I can't shake this need to feel connected, somehow, with my ancestry -- and that means that I occasionally have to deal with relatives who never speak to me except to say how much they miss me ... every year or so ...

It's hard to feel loved when everyone seems to ignore you; it's even harder when they actually do ignore you.

It must be hardest for a woman.

I have hobbies - I read, practice the violin, cook, write short stories, listen to the shortwave, and go for walks. These help me to feel less of the loneliness. I have a job that keeps me busy during the week. Sometimes, I even enjoy going to church.

I guess that's the key, for me -- keeping busy. Maybe that would work for you, too ... ?

this sounds like a sceanrio from my daily life
just reading, cooking, cleaning, going to work coming back, watching TV, surfing net
not wanted by society
not accepted by peers
blank
empty
spouse is unemotional
blah blah can go on


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namaste
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12 Nov 2013, 2:43 am

AspieWolf wrote:
I understand how you feel. I too am ignored and most people I meet do not want to maintain relationships with me. Why I do not understand. So I end up trying to make a life for myself by myself much as Fnord has suggested in his response. I have my hobbies like writing, music, hiking, reading, and amateur radio and these are my world. And too there are my own personal spiritual practices. Yes, it is a rather lonely way to live. Perhaps a lot of what we are in this life is simply the result of our previous lives.

hmm.. law of karma
one soothsayer once told me how i was a temple priest in my past life and i was greedy for money, power i was short tempered and rude with people, arrogant.
this incarnation is all about patience, understanding, loneliness and melting down of ego...from everything to nothing.
good for me.

by the end of this life i would have humbled down like a melted ice cream


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auntblabby
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12 Nov 2013, 2:43 am

namaste wrote:
this sounds like a sceanrio from my daily life just reading, cooking, cleaning, going to work coming back, watching TV, surfing net not wanted by society not accepted by peers blank empty spouse is unemotional blah blah can go on

the only thing I could think of with these circumstances in mind, is to remember that others have it far worse. that is a cold comfort, and a frustration for one who longs for a warm comfort, and all I can offer is my own example of learning to lower my expectations of life to be more in line with what is at hand. I wonder if an unemotional spouse is still better than no spouse at all and no hope of one. being able to work at an unpleasant job is still better than not being able to work at any job at all. I am sorry that you are feeling sad and unfulfilled, I wish I were not so hapless in my ability to help my fellow WPers in any real way. if I were in your neighborhood I would be your helpful friend, if you would have me as such. it is all I could offer.



Last edited by auntblabby on 12 Nov 2013, 2:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

namaste
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12 Nov 2013, 2:48 am

auntblabby wrote:
the only thing I could think of with these circumstances in mind, is to remember that others have it far worse. that is a cold comfort, and a frustration for one who longs for a warm comfort, and all I can offer is my own example of learning to lower my expectations of life to be more in line with what is at hand. I wonder if an unemotional spouse is still better than no spouse at all and no hope of one. being able to work at an unpleasant job is still better than not being able to work at any job at all. I am sorry that you are feeling sad and unfulfilled, I wish I were not so hapless in my ability to help my fellow WPers in any real way. if I were in your neighborhood I would be your helpful friend, if you would have me as such. it is all I could offer.


i understand what you are trying to say
just the phillipines tornado
10.000 dead and thousand homeless
God as given us far better things
we need to count our blessing

its just depression getting to me


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auntblabby
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12 Nov 2013, 3:01 am

namaste wrote:
its just depression getting to me

I had the big black dog of depression for a long time, many years, until I got medications for it. granted, an existential cure would have been more satisfying, but as they say, "better living through chemistry." when I lost my prescription drug coverage and had to drop the meds, I found what worked for me was daily outdoor exercise. I don't know what your local situation is in terms of security, but I found that the process of making myself do regular exercise at a certain time every day before I did anything else [usually in the mornings upon waking] it did 2 things for me- 1] it got rid of indecision and hesitation, I know that if I want to get to the rest of my day I have to at least make the effort to put in my 90 minutes of exercise and work up a sweat; and 2]after I get it done and over with it invariably leaves me with a much clearer and brighter frame of mind. it is worth trying. the beauty of daily sustained vigorous exercise is that it tones the body, clears the complexion and lifts mood all at once. granted it doesn't sound like much fun in the abstract, it is one of those things one tries out of desperation when nothing else works, then find it to be habitual and addictive.



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12 Nov 2013, 3:11 am

auntblabby wrote:
namaste wrote:
its just depression getting to me

I had the big black dog of depression for a long time, many years, until I got medications for it. granted, an existential cure would have been more satisfying, but as they say, "better living through chemistry." when I lost my prescription drug coverage and had to drop the meds, I found what worked for me was daily outdoor exercise. I don't know what your local situation is in terms of security, but I found that the process of making myself do regular exercise at a certain time every day before I did anything else [usually in the mornings upon waking] it did 2 things for me- 1] it got rid of indecision and hesitation, I know that if I want to get to the rest of my day I have to at least make the effort to put in my 90 minutes of exercise and work up a sweat; and 2]after I get it done and over with it invariably leaves me with a much clearer and brighter frame of mind. it is worth trying. the beauty of daily sustained vigorous exercise is that it tones the body, clears the complexion and lifts mood all at once. granted it doesn't sound like much fun in the abstract, it is one of those things one tries out of desperation when nothing else works, then find it to be habitual and addictive.

i have joined a gym
but depression is genetic
with time i have been able to work on it
almost :roll:


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auntblabby
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12 Nov 2013, 3:14 am

namaste wrote:
i have joined a gym but depression is genetic with time i have been able to work on it almost :roll:

I suspect it runs in my family also. I am glad to hear you have joined a gym, that is a constructive thing to do and will benefit you multiple ways. I hope you can take self-defense classes also. learning how to take care of yourself physically will have psychological and mental benefits as well, ask any martial artist.



namaste
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12 Nov 2013, 3:41 am

auntblabby wrote:
namaste wrote:
i have joined a gym but depression is genetic with time i have been able to work on it almost :roll:

I suspect it runs in my family also. I am glad to hear you have joined a gym, that is a constructive thing to do and will benefit you multiple ways. I hope you can take self-defense classes also. learning how to take care of yourself physically will have psychological and mental benefits as well, ask any martial artist.

im a middle aged women and in india women dont participate in martial arts
atleast in community where i live
i wont get a trainer
plus its too much of discipline
rules blah


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auntblabby
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12 Nov 2013, 3:45 am

discipline can be an escape from depression, I have found.



namaste
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12 Nov 2013, 3:55 am

auntblabby wrote:
discipline can be an escape from depression, I have found.

discipline means the coach shouting do this and do that
and they are harsh
i will cry at drop of a hat :(


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qawer
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12 Nov 2013, 5:47 am

Having Aspergers Syndrome you're socially a cat living in a dog's world.

So a good way to find out how to find meaning in our lives when socially being so different is to look at what makes a dog/cat content.

A dog finds meaning to life through the pack to which it belongs. This can be transferred to most people - their lives make sense because of the social relations they are a part of.

A cat finds meaning to life through being an individual/independent (and enjoying the company of those who treat it well).

So when having Aspergers Syndrome one needs to find joy in being independent/an individual (and in the company of those people who treat you well).



namaste
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12 Nov 2013, 11:18 am

qawer wrote:
Having Aspergers Syndrome you're socially a cat living in a dog's world.

So a good way to find out how to find meaning in our lives when socially being so different is to look at what makes a dog/cat content.

A dog finds meaning to life through the pack to which it belongs. This can be transferred to most people - their lives make sense because of the social relations they are a part of.

A cat finds meaning to life through being an individual/independent (and enjoying the company of those who treat it well).

So when having Aspergers Syndrome one needs to find joy in being independent/an individual (and in the company of those people who treat you well).

thats a great advice i will keep tat in mind
but i dont even figure in category of cat.i guess im a yeti


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