People never let me join their conversations

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jerry00
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14 Sep 2014, 11:52 am

They either ignore me or act offended like I'm being rude. But usually I have something good to chip in about what I heard them say, and they never care.



AspieUtah
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14 Sep 2014, 11:57 am

Find a way to agree with something they have said in the conversation. People like hearing others agree with them. After that, they might be more accepting of the other things you want to say.


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jk1
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14 Sep 2014, 12:00 pm

That happens a lot to me, too. I think it's a form of bullying. They are purposely excluding you. But people who do that are rotten inside and are not worth talking to any way.



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14 Sep 2014, 12:32 pm

I can't get in on most conversations that many people have.


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Charloz
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14 Sep 2014, 12:35 pm

Unless they are your friends or co-workers, I wouldn't bother probably.

Try entering with a joke. When you make them laugh, you won the battle before it begins and you'll be every bit a included as any of the conversations' participants. That's how I do it, anyway.



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14 Sep 2014, 3:49 pm

NEVER try to enter a conversation in progress unless you are invited to join. They are treating you like you are interrupting because you are interrupting. It doesn't matter how good your contribution is; what is not wanted is not what you are saying. It is YOU, saying ANYTHING AT ALL.


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League_Girl
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14 Sep 2014, 4:43 pm

Maybe you're doing it wrong.

I don't know either myself when it's acceptable to do it and when it's not. I had a therapist telling me I was doing it wrong. Not his exact words, he said I wasn't following the social rules.


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Skurvey
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14 Sep 2014, 4:57 pm

I usually find I'm about half an hour late with my contribution to a conversation and the subject matter has moved on so my contribution is useless anyway.

People always say I interrupt, but I can't work out what I'm doing that is different from everyone else. It seems to be a very obscure line.


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little_blue_jay
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14 Sep 2014, 5:02 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I had a therapist telling me I was doing it wrong. Not his exact words, he said I wasn't following the social rules.


Did he help you find a solution for it?

I have the same type issues as you jerry00. The vast majority of my co-workers I used to work with ignored me too. I could crack the odd good joke and they'd laugh, but 2 minutes later they'd go right back to ignoring me, or talking over me if I said anything.

As a side note jerry00: As soon as I read your thread title, with Christmas coming, it instantaneously made me think of Rudolph - not being allowed to join in the reindeer games :)


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League_Girl
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14 Sep 2014, 5:08 pm

little_blue_jay wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I had a therapist telling me I was doing it wrong. Not his exact words, he said I wasn't following the social rules.


Did he help you find a solution for it?

I have the same type issues as you jerry00. The vast majority of my co-workers I used to work with ignored me too. I could crack the odd good joke and they'd laugh, but 2 minutes later they'd go right back to ignoring me, or talking over me if I said anything.

As a side note jerry00: As soon as I read your thread title, with Christmas coming, it instantaneously made me think of Rudolph - not being allowed to join in the reindeer games :)


Tried to but I was too defensive then and didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Plus how would he know I was doing it wrong. Was it an assumption he was making because of my diagnoses or could he just tell because he had a PH D in psychology? Maybe those kids were just mean or they didn't like me so they didn't want me to contribute or maybe I was doing it wrong.


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little_blue_jay
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14 Sep 2014, 5:13 pm

League_Girl wrote:
little_blue_jay wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I had a therapist telling me I was doing it wrong. Not his exact words, he said I wasn't following the social rules.


Did he help you find a solution for it?

I have the same type issues as you jerry00. The vast majority of my co-workers I used to work with ignored me too. I could crack the odd good joke and they'd laugh, but 2 minutes later they'd go right back to ignoring me, or talking over me if I said anything.

As a side note jerry00: As soon as I read your thread title, with Christmas coming, it instantaneously made me think of Rudolph - not being allowed to join in the reindeer games :)


Tried to but I was too defensive then and didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Plus how would he know I was doing it wrong. Was it an assumption he was making because of my diagnoses or could he just tell because he had a PH D in psychology? Maybe those kids were just mean or they didn't like me so they didn't want me to contribute or maybe I was doing it wrong.



Hmmm yeah... how he'd know. I figure he never had you interact with a third person to observe how you interact with others? I've read that sometimes they'll do that to watch you converse with someone else - I'm hoping that is done with me if & when I ever manage to be assessed.


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Diagnosed "Asperger's to a moderate degree" April 7, 2015.
Aspie score 145 of 200
NT score 56 of 200
AQ score: 47
RAADS-R score: 196
"Everyone inside the circle is normal. Everyone outside the circle should be beaten, broken, and reset, so they can be brought inside the circle. Failing that, they should be institutionalized, or worse, pitied. Why would you feel sorry for someone who gets to opt out of the inane courteous formalities, which are utterly meaningless, insincere, and therefore degrading? Can you imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind-numbing social niceties? I don't pity this kid. I envy him." Dr. Gregory House, speaking of a boy with autism, House M.D.


eggheadjr
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15 Sep 2014, 11:09 am

Sometimes not being part of the conversation is a good thing. :D


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Joe90
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15 Sep 2014, 11:55 am

It happens to me a lot. I always see other people just jumping into a conversation and nobody minds, but if I do it, it's a different story.

People have called me ''nosy'' before (not to my face, but someone said it to a good friend of mine, and the good friend told me when giving honest feedback, and I'm glad she did). I do like to know what's going on at work, but I don't delve into people's private business. I just like to know gossip at work, but then who doesn't? Thankfully I'm the sort to always keep things to myself, so I don't spread gossip, I just like to hear it. I'm just interested in people, that's all.

I suppose I have trouble telling the difference of being concerned and/or interested in people, and being nosy.


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League_Girl
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15 Sep 2014, 12:00 pm

little_blue_jay wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
little_blue_jay wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I had a therapist telling me I was doing it wrong. Not his exact words, he said I wasn't following the social rules.


Did he help you find a solution for it?

I have the same type issues as you jerry00. The vast majority of my co-workers I used to work with ignored me too. I could crack the odd good joke and they'd laugh, but 2 minutes later they'd go right back to ignoring me, or talking over me if I said anything.

As a side note jerry00: As soon as I read your thread title, with Christmas coming, it instantaneously made me think of Rudolph - not being allowed to join in the reindeer games :)


Tried to but I was too defensive then and didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Plus how would he know I was doing it wrong. Was it an assumption he was making because of my diagnoses or could he just tell because he had a PH D in psychology? Maybe those kids were just mean or they didn't like me so they didn't want me to contribute or maybe I was doing it wrong.



Hmmm yeah... how he'd know. I figure he never had you interact with a third person to observe how you interact with others? I've read that sometimes they'll do that to watch you converse with someone else - I'm hoping that is done with me if & when I ever manage to be assessed.


Nope, it was only us alone. I wonder if he was going by how I interact with him so he drew that conclusion with what is going on with my peers in school for their unpleasant behavior towards me. Most people will assume the reason why you are having troubles with people based on what troubles they are having with you.


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15 Sep 2014, 5:36 pm

Also, I would suggest not being preachy or teachy-sounding----or, try not to sound like a "know-it-all". People don't like to be lectured, or being made aware of someone else being smarter than they are (it's often that the person is not necessarily smarter, just more "up" on whatever topic, but people are sooooo touchy and insecure, nowadays).



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15 Sep 2014, 6:06 pm

Just keep quiet and smile.