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calebsystem3
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22 Aug 2015, 5:46 am

When talking to others I am normal(kind of careless) until I get interested in the conversation. I then overwhelm the other person with whatever knowledge that I might be excited about and my excitement is clear. Almost like a dog who thinks he is about to play.
Usually the other person is offput by this and either does not know what to say or loses interest. I noticed that others do not take me as seriously as before after this interaction which makes me mad bc I was just trying to be nice (too nice).

It really bothers me when people do not take me seriously. I wish the world were based around intellect rather than looking cool.



Xenization
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22 Aug 2015, 7:38 am

calebsystem3 wrote:
I wish the world were based around intellect rather than looking cool.


Don't we all?


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xenization (n.) - the act of traveling as a stranger.


calebsystem3
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07 Sep 2015, 9:17 am

Anybody have any ways to help with this?



Waterfalls
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07 Sep 2015, 9:36 am

Only thing I can suggest is if you can be with people with similar interests. In the end trying to be who other people want too hard isn't a good solution.



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07 Sep 2015, 10:29 am

People probably think that you don't like them/they feel ignored because you shift the complete focus of the conversation on you (and the topic your're talking about, but mainly on you). They also might not REALLY be interested. Just a little bit.

At the same time they feel neglected as a person, even if they are interested, if you talk too much about a particular topic without including them or giving them a chance to change it, they quickly get the impression that they do not matter to you.

Also they adhere to social norms that state, don't talk to people about deep topics unless you know they also like that topic and want to discuss it in a balanced conversation now. Usually topics in day-to-day interactions are only discussed on a surface-level.
So they think that since you don't follow the rules, you must be immature.

Basically you want to be nice by sharing your info with another person, but they only see you as self-centered, selfish and childish because the presentation is off and you give them "NT sensory overload" (I made that up but I hope you get what I mean).



maglevsky
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07 Sep 2015, 11:06 am

Sounds familiar.

In an ideal world you would find many others who share our interests AND have the same "excited puppy" attitude. If you don't live in an ideal world you'll have to do as best you can with some combination of (a) people who do share your interests but not the mentality, (b) people who have the same mentality but get excited about different things - as long as their special interests aren't things that totally repel you, this can also be a nice way to learn about new things, (c) generally keeping away from other people, and (d) "playing the game" with people with whom you have nothing in common. IMHO it's healthy to include a bit of each, but YMMV.


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jackinblack
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07 Sep 2015, 11:24 am

Xenization wrote:
calebsystem3 wrote:
I wish the world were based around intellect rather than looking cool.

Don't we all?
Yes we do!


Earthling wrote:
People probably think that you don't like them/they feel ignored because you shift the complete focus of the conversation on you (and the topic your're talking about, but mainly on you). They also might not REALLY be interested. Just a little bit.

At the same time they feel neglected as a person, even if they are interested, if you talk too much about a particular topic without including them or giving them a chance to change it, they quickly get the impression that they do not matter to you.

Also they adhere to social norms that state, don't talk to people about deep topics unless you know they also like that topic and want to discuss it in a balanced conversation now. Usually topics in day-to-day interactions are only discussed on a surface-level.
So they think that since you don't follow the rules, you must be immature.

Basically you want to be nice by sharing your info with another person, but they only see you as self-centered, selfish and childish because the presentation is off and you give them "NT sensory overload" (I made that up but I hope you get what I mean).
Very interesting insight! Thanks!



timf
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07 Sep 2015, 11:40 am

Anybody have any ways to help with this?

In the Bible Paul writers to people who are not able to advance in their understanding.

1 Corinthians 3:2-3 I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

In this example Paul is frustrated with the lack of ability to comprehend or even be interested in deeper things. His audience is supposed to be ashamed of this deficiency and aspire to improve.

Frequently when we talk with people, we need to spoon feed or slow down the information so as to not “spook the cattle”. While the problem may be related to the Biblical illustration of limited capacity, the solution is not the same because no one is ashamed of their limited ability to comprehend.

In the realm of physics this is called an impedance mismatch. The characteristics of one system are sufficiently different from another system to impede the efficient transfer of energy.

It becomes incumbent upon the person desiring to communicate to evaluate the person they want to communicate with to determine the ability of the target person to receive the information to be communicated. Making an error in this estimation can produce one of several possible failures;

1. Talking to slow or simplistic can make you look foolish, simple-minded, or unworthy of consideration.
2. Taking to fast or using complex ideas can make you look arrogant, condescending, or boastful.
3. Declaring things that are outside of the target’s beliefs may make you look threatening, cause the target to panic, or cause you to be seen as unpleasant.
4. Declaring things that are outside of the target’s interest may make you look boring and to be avoided.

It is normal for us to get excited to think we have found someone with whom we can converse regarding a subject with which we are enthusiastic. It is also normal for us to respond to this excitement by erroneously thinking that the other person is going to be as enthusiastic as we are.

As the years go by, one becomes less open to initial enthusiasm and more guarded regarding new conversational encounters. However, when those rare occasions and people are encountered with whom enthusiastic and unrestrained communication can be pursued, gratitude is given.

Another Biblical example can be cited;

Matthew 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

You may want to keep your conversational “pearls” until you know if you are talking with a sage or a “swine".



calebsystem3
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07 Sep 2015, 8:35 pm

Thanks everyone. That is some really good advice. I definitely see how someone could think that I was being self centered when I get excited. People just take things too personal. I am trying to hold myself back because it always repels the other person.

Thanks also for the Biblical references. God has helped me out of some rough times and I am trying to live a life that would please Him (I am nowhere close but will keep getting back up to fight). I have noticed when I was really active in church that even the people who claimed to be spiritual leaders did not really get too in depth with my conversations about God which turned me off of church but that is a poor excuse to stop serving God.