"Date other fat people if you're fat"

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DevilKisses
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21 Nov 2015, 4:06 pm

What do you think of this advice? I hear it all the time on Reddit. They don't just give this advice to fat people. They also give it to depressed people, autistic people, boring people ect. I don't think it's good advice for this point in my life. I want to find someone who will complement me and help me change my lifestyle. Mainly because my main goal is to change my lifestyle. I think that advice would only apply to people who want to keep their life the same.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Nov 2015, 6:37 pm

It's a pragmatic advice.



Wolfram87
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21 Nov 2015, 7:27 pm

I think "date other autistic people if you're autistic" isn't too terrible as far as advice go, because you're more likely to be on a similar wavelentgth, and probably relate to each other better than to people in general. Not a gospel, mind, but a rule of thumb. With fat vs. skinny, I don't know. I suspect plenty of skinny people like a little extra padding.


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21 Nov 2015, 7:40 pm

Well, imho, one should have every right to want to date their fitness and health equivalent.

Someone who eats healthy and gets good exercise shouldn't have to date unfit or out-of-shape people or those that just eat whatever rubbish foods they want, though many people usually do (including me).

And, the thing about wanting someone who can help you change your lifestyle is, is that the people with a healthy and active lifestyle usually when we come across unfit or out of shape people we assume they don't want to change their lifestyle. This is stereotyping and judging a book by it's cover, there probably is plenty of people out there working hard to be fit and healthy, but it's still very frustrating to still come across people who just don't give a single damn at all.

At least you want to change, imho. There's plenty of decently fit and healthy men out there that wouldn't instantly reject you but rather try and help you. But really, why should you feel bad if one doesn't want you?

Like I said, dating your health and fitness equivalent is good, including lifestyle-wise.

Imagine two fat people who are actually both working on eating healthy and getting exercise - they would both be each other's teammate and partner and help each other reach their goals - and if they succeed in staying dedicated, would both become fit, healthy and sexy in the next couple of years.

To me, that certainly sounds like a stronger and more rewarding relationship than someone who's already 3 years ahead of you and just dragging you along to catch-up. They might even get impatient or frustrated with your lack of progress, because they wouldn't understand.

I'm only speaking personally though. In all honesty Iam attrcted to girls from skinny to slightly overweight, and if I fdated a girl who wanted help with eating better and exercise, I'd be perfectly happy to help. But doesn't mean I would never get annoyed, frustrated, etc. especially to people who argue they're doing the right thing even if they're not. Minor example if I was helping my girlfriend cut out soft drink but she still wants to drink diet soft drinks thinking they actaully make a difference.



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21 Nov 2015, 8:11 pm

From one view point, it does seem practical to date someone with similar dietary plans.

Somebody that eats processed food or takeaways isn't going to want the same foods as someone that lives on home grown vegetables from an allotment. Somebody that drinks alcohol on a regular basis isn't going to mesh well with somebody that trains consistently in athletics.



cathylynn
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21 Nov 2015, 8:22 pm

drinking diet soda DOES help. i got my fiance to switch from regular pepsi to diet and he lost ten pounds with no other changes. sweeteners have been unfairly demonized.



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21 Nov 2015, 8:39 pm

cathylynn wrote:
drinking diet soda DOES help. i got my fiance to switch from regular pepsi to diet and he lost ten pounds with no other changes. sweeteners have been unfairly demonized.


Diet probably helps lose weight more than regular soda, but some of the weird chemicals in diet are likely bad if consumed a lot in the long term. That's why it's best to alternate between diet and regular soda. Some sodas also have a 10 calorie version which tastes closer to the regular stuff, like Dr. Pepper for example.



DailyPoutine1
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21 Nov 2015, 8:55 pm

One time there was a guy in my class pointing at some fat girl telling me I should date her because she lived in an appartment too. What an idiot.



The Grand Inquisitor
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21 Nov 2015, 9:15 pm

Fit people are going to choose to be with fit people the vast majority of the time. That's not to say it's impossible for a person in decent shape and a fat person to forge a relationship, but the instances in which this occurs are scarce. If you're only willing to date people who are in shape when you're not, you're not going to have an easy time with it, and there's a reasonable chance that you'll get nowhere, unless you have compensatory qualities or assets, or your partner has a flaw/s that make them less desirable to other fit people. So yes, I think if you're fat, it's only reasonable that you expect people at a similar weight to be your prospective partners, otherwise, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle that you will likely never win.

You said that you're intending to make lifestyle choices. If you're not interested in dating fat people, you're going to have a much easier time finding prospective partners if you lose weight first. Would you be any more inclined to date a fat person who's making an effort to lose weight? If so, maybe that's a demographic you should look at appealing to.

When you say depressed people, that's a very broad demographic. I think depressed people who are not happy with themselves should overcome their perceived shortcomings before they take to the dating market. I really don't think a relationship can be very successful if one party struggles with accepting themselves. I'd say it would be even worse if both parties are that way.

Autistic people again are a very broad demographic. Autism affects people differently, and sometimes you can't even tell a person with Autism has Autism, especially because there's this expectation that people with Autism should become as "NT" as possible. It's much harder not to notice if someone is overweight. I'm sure some Autistic people just would not be compatible with most NT people (and vice versa), but there are some pretty strong AS-NT relationships out there, plus there's a shortage of Autistic people compared to NTs, so limiting yourself to only Autistic people would make things hard too. That said, like fat people only interested in dating fit people, I think it would be silly for an Autistic person to be adamantly opposed to dating other Autistic people.

If boring people want to date others who aren't boring, they simply need to acquire some interests/hobbies/life experience. Nobody's born boring. Being boring is the result of a lack of willingness to participate in anything.

I'll close by saying that you should do your best to be like the partner you want to attract.



The Grand Inquisitor
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21 Nov 2015, 9:27 pm

Outrider wrote:
At least you want to change, imho. There's plenty of decently fit and healthy men out there that wouldn't instantly reject you but rather try and help you.


I disagree. Being fat and planning to become fit is just like being unemployed and planning to get a job. People won't generally look at your intent, or what might happen in the future. They look at who you are then and there. Just like when investors are planning to invest in a company. They don't invest at a valuation of what it will be worth in the future. They look at how much it's worth today.



xxZeromancerlovexx
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21 Nov 2015, 10:37 pm

I have a lot of interest: video games, action movies, manga, writing, anime etc...

Outside of the internet and even on the internet, I don't attract men who have stuff in common with me other than one or two things. So what are they attracted to? I'm plus sized and dated thin guys.


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22 Nov 2015, 2:47 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Outrider wrote:
At least you want to change, imho. There's plenty of decently fit and healthy men out there that wouldn't instantly reject you but rather try and help you.


I disagree. Being fat and planning to become fit is just like being unemployed and planning to get a job. People won't generally look at your intent, or what might happen in the future. They look at who you are then and there. Just like when investors are planning to invest in a company. They don't invest at a valuation of what it will be worth in the future. They look at how much it's worth today.


^^ agree with the this, this to a degree. However, I also think how one chooses to define "fat" is worth considering - the stupid BMI chart (height/weight ratio that kicks out a number telling you if you're under, healthy, overweight or obese) is incredibly imprecise. There are tons of people who are supposedly overweight / underweight according to that chart but are perfectly healthy in real life. Plus plenty of different height/weight ratio charts out there.

(I'm from a family of stringbeans and am healthy/proportional despite a BMI of 16.5 that technically makes me severely underweight. The WHO's global chart says I'm overweight. I'm not).



CommanderKeen
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22 Nov 2015, 4:15 am

xxZeromancerlovexx wrote:
I have a lot of interest: video games, action movies, manga, writing, anime etc...

Outside of the internet and even on the internet, I don't attract men who have stuff in common with me other than one or two things. So what are they attracted to? I'm plus sized and dated thin guys.

It's not the same for women. Women have it easier finding men, than men have of finding women. They both have two completely different sets of standards.



Last edited by CommanderKeen on 22 Nov 2015, 4:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

CommanderKeen
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22 Nov 2015, 4:17 am



DevilKisses
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22 Nov 2015, 4:45 am

I do need to be more active, but I'm not overweight. My main issue is depression and my life feeling empty. I want to date people who are extroverted and will push me to try more things. Some people think I should just date other boring people.

I disagree because I don't think that will help me change my lifestyle. I just mentioned weight because I hear a lot about it and I'm having a very hard time making my life interesting. Just like a fat person trying to lose weight. I feel like everything in my life is stopping me from actually living a life.


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Outrider
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22 Nov 2015, 4:54 am

Venger wrote:
cathylynn wrote:
drinking diet soda DOES help. i got my fiance to switch from regular pepsi to diet and he lost ten pounds with no other changes. sweeteners have been unfairly demonized.


Diet probably helps lose weight more than regular soda, but some of the weird chemicals in diet are likely bad if consumed a lot in the long term. That's why it's best to alternate between diet and regular soda. Some sodas also have a 10 calorie version which tastes closer to the regular stuff, like Dr. Pepper for example.


I personally think giving up or almost giving up soft drink in general is the way to go. I only have it in the rare occasional event e.g. parties etc. and only if there's nothing else to drink. Even diet and 'sugar-free' has so many strange chemicals and other issues.

I only drink milk (good protein and fats source) and water.

Quote:
I disagree. Being fat and planning to become fit is just like being unemployed and planning to get a job. People won't generally look at your intent, or what might happen in the future. They look at who you are then and there. Just like when investors are planning to invest in a company. They don't invest at a valuation of what it will be worth in the future. They look at how much it's worth today.


From a superficial point of view yes, but once someone might get to know you they will realize at least you are trying.

It might not always result in a healthy and fit person in being interested in you romantically or phyiscally, but at the very least you should at least earn their respect/admiration.

You'd be quite surprised. Usually bodybuilders and other health-dedicated people don't judge a fat person in the gym (a generalization, yes, but just go onto the actual forums and you'd see it's true), but silently applaud them. The fat man on the treadmill is not silly and not something to laugh at, but to respect - he's doing more than the fat man sitting at home on the couch shoving bad foods down his mouth all day.

But I think someone who wants to be healthier but is not only being ungrateful for help but also doing it wrong (by thinking they must have a healthy diet just because they have 'a salad and diet coke here and there' instead of actually looking into what they eat and counting their nutrients, etc., or doing exercises incorretly and becoming frustrated when someone tries to help them) is not something I respect.

I'm an example myself. I'm not a 'man' but a teen but I work hard to eat well and strength train 5 days a week, anyway the girls i've been attracted to or dated usually skinny (which isn't always 'healthy') with high metabolism and eat extremely unhealthy/don't exercise but I accept them for how they are but hey if they ever wanted help I'd give it.

Quote:
^^ agree with the this, this to a degree. However, I also think how one chooses to define "fat" is worth considering - the stupid BMI chart (height/weight ratio that kicks out a number telling you if you're under, healthy, overweight or obese) is incredibly imprecise. There are tons of people who are supposedly overweight / underweight according to that chart but are perfectly healthy in real life. Plus plenty of different height/weight ratio charts out there.

(I'm from a family of stringbeans and am healthy/proportional despite a BMI of 16.5 that technically makes me severely underweight. The WHO's global chart says I'm overweight. I'm not).


The BMI system is notoriously flawed, especially to the bodybuilding community, who usually are in the overweight range of the BMI.

The BMI just doesn't differntiate weight from muscle and weight from fat.

I don't really know of any good, accurate alternatives though. If I could I'd make the system so that if your body fat percentage and lean body mass (your muslce) ratio is 3:1, youre overweight.

For example I'm about 65kg, and my LBM is about 58. So 7kg of my body weight is fat. If that was 43.32kg instead (2/3rds of my bodyweight) would make sense as overweight imo.

Just like a 120kg bodybuilder with 8% body fat, his LBM would be about 100kg, and 20kgs of his weight body fat. But if it was 80 instead (120/3 x 2)? Overweight.

Again, this idea would also have many flaws.