9 Guidelines For Dating With Asperger's

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MrRusty
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13 Mar 2018, 8:50 pm

As to being devalued in the dating game because you only work part-time, I work 24 hours a week, and dates remark on how sensible that is as it allows me to focus on fun stuff. Mind you I am 55 so it does project an image of financial self-sufficiency. Probably wouldn't work for a 25 y.o unless you were studying or volunteering as a career step.



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20 Mar 2018, 3:51 pm

Would be nice if there was more info out there for autistic women when it comes to dating and social skills. Most of the stuff concerns men. It's frustrating.



XenoMind
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21 Mar 2018, 3:25 pm

"You do not deserve sex for existing." - only if you're a man.



Yakuzamonroe
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16 Apr 2018, 2:44 am

gwenkansen wrote:
What other things would you like to see an autistic chick write about?


Personally, this article in itself is great. I don't get much in terms of good dating advice as a guy on the spectrum.

That said, finding the motivation to give "the dating game" is something else I'm working on.



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17 Jun 2018, 8:28 am

Great article. Thank you.



quite an extreme
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20 Aug 2018, 5:51 pm

Please excuse my poor English because it is a foreign language to me.
OK, I'm new here but learned a little bit of the problems since my wife left me last year. The problem of the males is that NT woman expect empathy for feelings that the most guys like me don't even know that they exist. Nobody on earth feels empathy for emotions that he doesn't even knows. But to fell in love with someone is for woman a thing of empathy because a guy has to evoke positive emotions and to recognise and amplify the positive feelings that she wants from him. It is something like to lean on, feeling save, feeling lucky aso. Most NT woman don't even look in the direction of the guy if they try to lean on so that he can't even guess her feelings by reading her face. It is quite difficult to make her feel good if you can't even guess her feelings about you. This is the main problem to me. For AS people NT people really act like aliens if they start their courtship dance. It's not the women. Many of them start to rub on a guy once they like him. But how to handle such approaches without disappoint her if you like the woman but can't event guess what she feels for you?



Benfold
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28 Aug 2018, 3:59 am

Now a days dating is much easier than before. Because of the help of internet. Now you can date from your home as well. Also there have some good dating apps as far as I know. Though I am not much expert in dating. But I am interested to know and honestly reading articles about dating tips http

Glad to read the above article. LOL!



Last edited by B19 on 14 Nov 2019, 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.: spammer

marlyn morgan
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29 Aug 2018, 3:21 am

Brilliant !
Tell you what keep going, keep facing your fears, keep jumping off the parapet and eventually you'll respect and like yourself enough to fill that empty hole inside. Go out and discover what makes you tick, what makes you happy and give it to yourself. I buy myself flowers. Its hard work exploring the vast reaches of an aspie personality as we are so out there but explore you must. Listen to your body, what it likes to eat, when it likes to sleep, when it likes to take a walk on the wild windy beach and learn to trust yourself. Find silence. The Here and Now. Become aware of your wobbles and those powerful emotions and roll with them. So you dont like socialising and networking and your business isnt taking off ? Go get a job on the door of the club or confine your social life to the cafe on the corner in the mornings. Make the effort. And the moment the man oversteps the mark and makes you feel anything other than the beautiful multifaceted soul you are, give him the shove. I know it hurts but once you've found your self you'll never want to compromise her again. Im 54 and it IS possible.



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30 Aug 2018, 11:41 am

quite an extreme wrote:
NT woman expect empathy for feelings that the most guys like me don't even know that they exist.

That's why NT women love psychopaths so much. /sarcasm



scruffyx
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25 Nov 2018, 1:07 am

I think this might have been somewhat helpful for me. The overshare thing really seems to get me all the time.



LolliPoppell256
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27 Mar 2019, 3:43 pm

Very interesting to read.



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04 Apr 2019, 5:50 am

I'm a female and autistic. I keep making the mistake of oversharing emotionally with an autistic man whom I have deep feelings for. We will see each other, he will go quiet for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. In that time, I share too much and regret it so much and hate myself for it. I just want to know that I care about him and whatever he is experiencing, that I am always there for him, that I will not give up on him.

We have history. I didn't understand the condition and I sure didn't realise I had it either. We were both unwell. He pushed me away. I ended up with someone else (NT). I broke up with them two years later. It appears that even after all that time, AS guy still had feelings for me. He was much more open before, very shut off now - understandable.

I overshare, but he does come back... Surely this is a good sign. Really must keep my feelings for him to myself. I just want him to trust me again.
I miss him so much when he goes quiet and my depression and automatic negative thoughts set in and tell me that I've lost him for good, that I'm a fool and he's probably wanting someone else. :(

Any insight on this?



funddi
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26 Apr 2019, 2:58 am

WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
I'm a female and autistic. I keep making the mistake of oversharing emotionally with an autistic man whom I have deep feelings for. We will see each other, he will go quiet for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. In that time, I share too much and regret it so much and hate myself for it. I just want to know that I care about him and whatever he is experiencing, that I am always there for him, that I will not give up on him.

We have history. I didn't understand the condition and I sure didn't realise I had it either. We were both unwell. He pushed me away. I ended up with someone else (NT). I broke up with them two years later. It appears that even after all that time, AS guy still had feelings for me. He was much more open before, very shut off now - understandable.

I overshare, but he does come back... Surely this is a good sign. Really must keep my feelings for him to myself. I just want him to trust me again.
I miss him so much when he goes quiet and my depression and automatic negative thoughts set in and tell me that I've lost him for good, that I'm a fool and he's probably wanting someone else. :(

Any insight on this?


I am exactly here. It has been a struggle for me because I feel like our connection has finally satisfied my feelings for someone to understand me. It's terribly selfish of me to put this person on such a pedestal but I cannot help it, and I just want to be honest so I say whatever I feel because the feelings are there for both of us. But there is a trust issue and I have no idea how to overcome it.

Then after being quiet or almost giving up. I find them coming back and wanting so share but I again feel so drained that I nearly want to cry. This person always goes back to dating NTs. We have a history. I don't want to give up on them anymore though because I wouldn't want someone to give up on me, and it feels like people always do.

I've stopped getting upset by it, and have started to work on what makes me happy. However it feels like a long road. Also this person has basically ruined me for basically everyone because they were just so amazing. So all this "just find someone else" talk really hurt my feelings and made me feel low. But doing physical stuff early in the morning and using free time to relax in positive ways has been slowly leading to better feelings about myself.

I wish I could say more. But if I have learned anything from my relationship, it's that my person doesn't respond well to "my story". But anytime there's a totally non-implied offering on my part. And a lot of time goes by, real secret there. The interaction seems genuine enough to be received well, and there is a positive response. It's just acting cool. I know it seems selfish but people want to date cool people that have cool lives. If you're still finding yourself with feelings, just don't believe you're not good enough. And like you're too good and have it going on. To me, and possibly to you, this sounds dumb. Why act all NT and be fake when you can communicate and be real, but some people like the confidence of begin with someone that makes them feel special.



NuriBlackwick
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27 Apr 2019, 7:36 pm

funddi wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
I'm a female and autistic. I keep making the mistake of oversharing emotionally with an autistic man whom I have deep feelings for. We will see each other, he will go quiet for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. In that time, I share too much and regret it so much and hate myself for it. I just want to know that I care about him and whatever he is experiencing, that I am always there for him, that I will not give up on him.

We have history. I didn't understand the condition and I sure didn't realise I had it either. We were both unwell. He pushed me away. I ended up with someone else (NT). I broke up with them two years later. It appears that even after all that time, AS guy still had feelings for me. He was much more open before, very shut off now - understandable.

I overshare, but he does come back... Surely this is a good sign. Really must keep my feelings for him to myself. I just want him to trust me again.
I miss him so much when he goes quiet and my depression and automatic negative thoughts set in and tell me that I've lost him for good, that I'm a fool and he's probably wanting someone else. :(

Any insight on this?


I am exactly here. It has been a struggle for me because I feel like our connection has finally satisfied my feelings for someone to understand me. It's terribly selfish of me to put this person on such a pedestal but I cannot help it, and I just want to be honest so I say whatever I feel because the feelings are there for both of us. But there is a trust issue and I have no idea how to overcome it.

Then after being quiet or almost giving up. I find them coming back and wanting so share but I again feel so drained that I nearly want to cry. This person always goes back to dating NTs. We have a history. I don't want to give up on them anymore though because I wouldn't want someone to give up on me, and it feels like people always do.

I've stopped getting upset by it, and have started to work on what makes me happy. However it feels like a long road. Also this person has basically ruined me for basically everyone because they were just so amazing. So all this "just find someone else" talk really hurt my feelings and made me feel low. But doing physical stuff early in the morning and using free time to relax in positive ways has been slowly leading to better feelings about myself.

I wish I could say more. But if I have learned anything from my relationship, it's that my person doesn't respond well to "my story". But anytime there's a totally non-implied offering on my part. And a lot of time goes by, real secret there. The interaction seems genuine enough to be received well, and there is a positive response. It's just acting cool. I know it seems selfish but people want to date cool people that have cool lives. If you're still finding yourself with feelings, just don't believe you're not good enough. And like you're too good and have it going on. To me, and possibly to you, this sounds dumb. Why act all NT and be fake when you can communicate and be real, but some people like the confidence of begin with someone that makes them feel special.


Dating aspie and aspie is always surreal. My first actual love was an aspie. She fell in love with me first and her feeling poured out hard which overwhelmed me dispute my mutual attraction. But even if I never said anything I enjoyed her spams and her constant check ups. But it didn't allow me to reciprocate at the same level.
The next love was in the reverse. I fell in love first and the opposite happened I became overwhelming.
I remember when it ended I couldn't imagine myself with anyone but her. I would constantly be torn and trying to get with others only made it worse.

The solution is simple, you need to close the relationship. Stay friends stay close but make in abundantly clear there is no intention of getting back together. It's better to have them in your life then not at all, and not everyone is made to be together.

I can't stress how Important it is to end the relationship explicitly on your terms and even if you feel unsure you need to create a stipulation that it is over.

As soon as you do you can finally be open to the possibilities of a new companionship. I the world has too many variables and inconsistencies to trap yourself with one variation.

Love everyone, be respectful, and never hold yourself down.



funddi
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29 Apr 2019, 11:59 am

NuriBlackwick wrote:
funddi wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
I'm a female and autistic. I keep making the mistake of oversharing emotionally with an autistic man whom I have deep feelings for. We will see each other, he will go quiet for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. In that time, I share too much and regret it so much and hate myself for it. I just want to know that I care about him and whatever he is experiencing, that I am always there for him, that I will not give up on him.

We have history. I didn't understand the condition and I sure didn't realise I had it either. We were both unwell. He pushed me away. I ended up with someone else (NT). I broke up with them two years later. It appears that even after all that time, AS guy still had feelings for me. He was much more open before, very shut off now - understandable.

I overshare, but he does come back... Surely this is a good sign. Really must keep my feelings for him to myself. I just want him to trust me again.
I miss him so much when he goes quiet and my depression and automatic negative thoughts set in and tell me that I've lost him for good, that I'm a fool and he's probably wanting someone else. :(

Any insight on this?


I am exactly here. It has been a struggle for me because I feel like our connection has finally satisfied my feelings for someone to understand me. It's terribly selfish of me to put this person on such a pedestal but I cannot help it, and I just want to be honest so I say whatever I feel because the feelings are there for both of us. But there is a trust issue and I have no idea how to overcome it.

Then after being quiet or almost giving up. I find them coming back and wanting so share but I again feel so drained that I nearly want to cry. This person always goes back to dating NTs. We have a history. I don't want to give up on them anymore though because I wouldn't want someone to give up on me, and it feels like people always do.

I've stopped getting upset by it, and have started to work on what makes me happy. However it feels like a long road. Also this person has basically ruined me for basically everyone because they were just so amazing. So all this "just find someone else" talk really hurt my feelings and made me feel low. But doing physical stuff early in the morning and using free time to relax in positive ways has been slowly leading to better feelings about myself.

I wish I could say more. But if I have learned anything from my relationship, it's that my person doesn't respond well to "my story". But anytime there's a totally non-implied offering on my part. And a lot of time goes by, real secret there. The interaction seems genuine enough to be received well, and there is a positive response. It's just acting cool. I know it seems selfish but people want to date cool people that have cool lives. If you're still finding yourself with feelings, just don't believe you're not good enough. And like you're too good and have it going on. To me, and possibly to you, this sounds dumb. Why act all NT and be fake when you can communicate and be real, but some people like the confidence of begin with someone that makes them feel special.


Dating aspie and aspie is always surreal. My first actual love was an aspie. She fell in love with me first and her feeling poured out hard which overwhelmed me dispute my mutual attraction. But even if I never said anything I enjoyed her spams and her constant check ups. But it didn't allow me to reciprocate at the same level.
The next love was in the reverse. I fell in love first and the opposite happened I became overwhelming.
I remember when it ended I couldn't imagine myself with anyone but her. I would constantly be torn and trying to get with others only made it worse.

The solution is simple, you need to close the relationship. Stay friends stay close but make in abundantly clear there is no intention of getting back together. It's better to have them in your life then not at all, and not everyone is made to be together.

I can't stress how Important it is to end the relationship explicitly on your terms and even if you feel unsure you need to create a stipulation that it is over.

As soon as you do you can finally be open to the possibilities of a new companionship. I the world has too many variables and inconsistencies to trap yourself with one variation.

Love everyone, be respectful, and never hold yourself down.


Honestly, when you get older it does become more involved. This is a lie that a lot of our culture plays out. Because it is okay to not date a bunch of people, and it is okay to care about someone. But as you get older you realize that the connections that you share with special people are real for a reason, and it does not substantiate any deep meaningful wisdom to expound how there's more fish in the sea. That's what moms say to teenagers.

Most aspies are specific to a certain interest and it takes someone understanding that to connect with them on an emotional level. So when you meet someone then it is not about overwhelming or underwhelming, it's just about connection. That comes around a lot more with a little more education and experience.

It's also hurtful to say, just do one thing or just do another. Its not like saying just try another flavor of ice cream. It doesn't work that way. Watching an aspie that has feelings for you date a NT, is akin to watching someone leave ice cream out in the hot sun while everyone else say things like "they'll figure it out their way" or "you have to let people find themselves". After a while it is not worth it, but you do feel like you could have done something.



brainstorm212
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22 Aug 2019, 9:58 am

such a great words! Personally I'm 19 and I really understand what are you talking about, because I know what my body wants, what my mind wants and I don't even care about things that will say the surrounding... Frankly speaking, this was able after I matured after a long term relationship with an awesome and smart girl, that made me feel supported and gave me a lot of experience about dating. To be honest, I'm thankful to the fate, that once I decided to use a dating site about which you could read VictoriaHearts Review, because exactly due to this dating site I found that girl... That's a great coincidence, I guess