How To Have Awesome Social Skills as an Aspie

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Dannyboy271
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11 Jun 2016, 4:59 pm

I have some very helpful advice about making friends and developing social skills I would like to share with the autistic community, and I have compiled this into an essay I've polished to the best of my abilities.

Segment from the essay:

Quote:
Basically, the entire social ladder is literally built upon varying levels of social and self-confidence, from least to greatest. You could do almost anything confidently, and it would just put you higher up on the social ladder, whereas behaving insecurely will bring you down.
If you do anything confidently, unless you're being rude or disrespectful, people will trust in that confidence and assume what you're doing is right. If you do something insecurely; people thereby question you, your judgment, and your emotional foundation. This is the cause of bullying and/or shunning.


As an aspie growing up with little to no social skills, I eventually got frustrated and gave up on social efforts. This led to an unexpected turnaround to where I was somehow gaining a lot of positive attention from peers and would-be peers. The out-of-nowhere momentum led me to study interpersonal social habits. After much study and experimentation, I'm now very well comfortable making conversation with strangers, making new friends, flirting, dating, and so forth. Not only am I comfortable in these circumstances, I know why I'm comfortable, I know how I did it, and I want to share this information with as many who need it as possible

I've been digging around trying to figure out how to publish an article on WrongPlanet. There was a standalone page I found that allowed one to submit articles to WP for review, giving submitters a chance of publishing their work, but that URL now redirects back to the WP home page. (Not sure if it's a temporary bug, or if the page was removed. So far I have no direct way to publish an article without somehow getting the attention of Alex and showing I can provide useful information.

That said, I'm posting this to ask any moderators or site owners permission to post a roughly 2700 word essay on making friends and social skills for autistics.
I'd also like the support of whoever takes an interest in my essay to represent a little bit. If you like the segment quoted from my essay and would like to know how I was able to develop social skills and awesome social confidence, then post a quick reply to show you're interested.
I do this in the hopes of getting Alex's or any other site owners attention. I understand they're very busy, but I wholeheartedly believe this is worth their time and any other autistics time, or even anyone who struggles socially. (It's at least worth a review.)

Also, for the sake of learning, what have you learned that has helped you socially? Post a reply if you're interested in the article, and perhaps mention a few tips you could give the rest of us if you have any.



drlaugh
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11 Jun 2016, 5:52 pm

Until after high school ,I had not tried to crack the code. In my younger days (not until college) memorized Firesign Theater scenes with a friend.

I also was (and still am) very good at ventriloquism and sleight of hand magic. Less is more on all the above.

Over the years I learned to listen even when not interested and to talk while not being the center of attention.


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beakybird
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12 Jun 2016, 5:56 pm

Projecting confidence was spoken about a lot when I did sales training many years back. I worked for a credit counseling company that was founded by some crooked wall street guys and a guy with a masters in psychology and a very good way with words.

But they always preached that if spoke calmly and confidently people will do just about anything you tell them when they are calling you for advice. Even if it means overnighting you thousands of dollars today. This was combined with a very carefully crafted sales script and full rebuttals. This entire experience taught me more socially than just about anything else in my life. Just seeing how small differences in tone and wording can drastically influence how others take what you say. Much of the time not at all realizing it.

I'd be interested in reading what you've written.



banana247
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14 Jun 2016, 11:30 am

Sounds good, I want to hear more!

I've found it helpful to pretend like the other person is lonely and in need of a friend, so that I am doing them the favor by ring friendly, not the other way around. With this attitude, I am able to think of things to say and questions to ask far easier, and I think it plays into that confidence you were talking about. It forces me to be the more confident party rather than the underdog from the get-go.



SilverProteus
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14 Jun 2016, 12:58 pm

Confidence...I think you're onto something.


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drlaugh
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14 Jun 2016, 2:20 pm

Skills to be used for good or evil.

I once was reading a book titled something like How to Schmooze.
My brother saw it and said , Read it, you could wright it.

As I was telling my counselor I seem to have extremes between super shy and outgoing.
The best social "workers" I met were when I worked in D. O. C. (Corrections)


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Dannyboy271
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15 Jun 2016, 6:31 pm

beakybird wrote:
Projecting confidence was spoken about a lot when I did sales training many years back. I worked for a credit counseling company that was founded by some crooked wall street guys and a guy with a masters in psychology and a very good way with words.

But they always preached that if spoke calmly and confidently people will do just about anything you tell them when they are calling you for advice. Even if it means overnighting you thousands of dollars today. This was combined with a very carefully crafted sales script and full rebuttals. This entire experience taught me more socially than just about anything else in my life. Just seeing how small differences in tone and wording can drastically influence how others take what you say. Much of the time not at all realizing it.

I'd be interested in reading what you've written.


Confidence is how you sell anything, including one's own wacky self.
The method works so well, actually, I'm often a lot more socially confident than most of my neurotypical friends. I still can't even read most body language.

Of course, I'm not talking about using confidence in a crooked or shady way like your sales leaders. You don't have to be a jerk to feel comfortable being uncomfortable.



Dannyboy271
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15 Jun 2016, 7:10 pm

banana247 wrote:
Sounds good, I want to hear more!

I've found it helpful to pretend like the other person is lonely and in need of a friend, so that I am doing them the favor by ring friendly, not the other way around. With this attitude, I am able to think of things to say and questions to ask far easier, and I think it plays into that confidence you were talking about. It forces me to be the more confident party rather than the underdog from the get-go.


I did something similar in early high school: when I was having difficulty knowing what to say to a girl I liked, I simply pretended I wasn't interested in her and *BAM* I knew what to say. Weird how it works.



DataB4
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18 Jun 2016, 1:47 pm

Nice thread. Your essay sounds insightful. :)

Confidence, or the appearance of it, does help in social situations, as long as it isn't perceived as arrogance. I'm confident in who I am and what I say generally, as well as being direct and honest. I think that people sense this as confidence, even when I don't feel sure of everything. Unless they ask me about my specific lacks of confidence directly, they don't tend to see them. I've had quite a few people tell me this a different contexts.

I'm also conscious of using my voice to project assurance in many situations, and I've learned to sit/stand up straight and temporarily stop nervous habits/stims, despite emotion. Because anxiety is my constant state of being, people tend to perceive it only when it intensifies suddenly. Even then, they might see only anger/frustration or even sadness, rather than the underlying jitters/fear I manage every moment.



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18 Jun 2016, 6:27 pm

Confidence is only the basis of the social ladder is individualistic cultures, which are selfish, shallow, asinine, and need to die because they are oppressive to the people who find themselves at the bottom of the ladder.


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