Why Do People Make AS People Apologize for Having Autism?

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JohnnyLurg
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26 Dec 2016, 12:41 pm

And why do people continue to justify bullying autistic people?



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26 Dec 2016, 12:44 pm

Institutional and personal ignorance, prejudice and personal issues I think would be the very, very short answer.


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Sweetleaf
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26 Dec 2016, 12:49 pm

I cannot say I have ever had anyone make me apologize for having autism.


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Exuvian
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26 Dec 2016, 12:51 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
I cannot say I have ever had anyone make me apologize for having autism.

I was about to write the same. I've never heard of this before.



JohnnyLurg
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26 Dec 2016, 12:56 pm

I think being constantly punished and bullied by authority figures and peers for having AS traits from early childhood to adulthood certainly counts, as does being forced to disclose your AS to everyone you meet, which is the equivalent to having to wear a Jewish star everywhere you go.



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26 Dec 2016, 1:29 pm

Exuvian wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I cannot say I have ever had anyone make me apologize for having autism.

I was about to write the same. I've never heard of this before.


thirded.

i've had to apologize multiple times for outbursts i have made as a child that may have been related to autism, but never for merely having autism.

it's ridiculous to apologize for a part of you that cannot be changed, and if someone asked you to, i think you should refuse.


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Exuvian
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26 Dec 2016, 1:45 pm

JohnnyLurg wrote:
I think being constantly punished and bullied by authority figures and peers for having AS traits from early childhood to adulthood certainly counts, as does being forced to disclose your AS to everyone you meet, which is the equivalent to having to wear a Jewish star everywhere you go.

Bullying sucks and is wrong. Someone really forced you to disclose?



JohnnyLurg
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26 Dec 2016, 1:48 pm

Exuvian wrote:
JohnnyLurg wrote:
I think being constantly punished and bullied by authority figures and peers for having AS traits from early childhood to adulthood certainly counts, as does being forced to disclose your AS to everyone you meet, which is the equivalent to having to wear a Jewish star everywhere you go.

Bullying sucks and is wrong. Someone really forced you to disclose?


They told me that it was wrong that I didn't tell them that I had AS during our first meeting and said it was my fault I lost my job because I didn't tell my employer I had AS. It wasn't literally "forced" per se, but it was still coersion.

Also I was once interrogated in a room by people asking me if I had a "learning disability" and I refused to answer which wasn't good enough for them.



Last edited by JohnnyLurg on 26 Dec 2016, 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Exuvian
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26 Dec 2016, 1:53 pm

JohnnyLurg wrote:
Exuvian wrote:
JohnnyLurg wrote:
I think being constantly punished and bullied by authority figures and peers for having AS traits from early childhood to adulthood certainly counts, as does being forced to disclose your AS to everyone you meet, which is the equivalent to having to wear a Jewish star everywhere you go.

Bullying sucks and is wrong. Someone really forced you to disclose?


They told me that it was wrong that I didn't tell them that I had AS during our first meeting and said it was my fault I lost my job because I didn't tell my employer I had AS.

Did something happen related to AS that they didn't understand and fired you over?



JohnnyLurg
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26 Dec 2016, 1:55 pm

Exuvian wrote:
JohnnyLurg wrote:
Exuvian wrote:
JohnnyLurg wrote:
I think being constantly punished and bullied by authority figures and peers for having AS traits from early childhood to adulthood certainly counts, as does being forced to disclose your AS to everyone you meet, which is the equivalent to having to wear a Jewish star everywhere you go.

Bullying sucks and is wrong. Someone really forced you to disclose?


They told me that it was wrong that I didn't tell them that I had AS during our first meeting and said it was my fault I lost my job because I didn't tell my employer I had AS.

Did something happen related to AS that they didn't understand and fired you over?


Yes, and I still have PTSD and OCD intrusive thoughts over these things.

https://www.reddit.com/r/intrusivethoug ... on_of_ocd/



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26 Dec 2016, 2:03 pm

What happened JohnnyLurg?

I have not had any experiences like those mentioned.


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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
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I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well


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26 Dec 2016, 2:05 pm

I have never seen anyone make someone apologize for their disability but however people do make others apologize for their mistakes and wrong behaviors. Sure it's not your fault for having autism but the purpose of apologies is to make amends and make people feel better and it gives them closure letting them know you didn't mean it and you feel bad about it and you understand their perspective. Even people with other disorders have to apologize so let's say someone acts in a abusive manner because of their anxiety attack, they still have to apologize for how they acted and handled it. Even ADHD people have to apologize for losing their temper and blowing up on someone. Even people who have issues with anger have to apologize when they have acted out. Sure if you lost sense of your body so you fell and accidentally knocked something off the table and it broke, an apology is good. It's just polite and people are more forgiving when you apologize and are remorseful. It's when you act rude about it and act like what you did was hilarious is when people have a problem and look down on you.


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26 Dec 2016, 2:10 pm

I have never been made to apologise for being autistic but I do say sorry a lot for my own imperfections, which I perhaps wrongly ascribe to my condition.


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26 Dec 2016, 2:15 pm

JohnnyLurg wrote:
Exuvian wrote:
JohnnyLurg wrote:
Exuvian wrote:
JohnnyLurg wrote:
I think being constantly punished and bullied by authority figures and peers for having AS traits from early childhood to adulthood certainly counts, as does being forced to disclose your AS to everyone you meet, which is the equivalent to having to wear a Jewish star everywhere you go.

Bullying sucks and is wrong. Someone really forced you to disclose?


They told me that it was wrong that I didn't tell them that I had AS during our first meeting and said it was my fault I lost my job because I didn't tell my employer I had AS.

Did something happen related to AS that they didn't understand and fired you over?


Yes, and I still have PTSD and OCD intrusive thoughts over these things.

https://www.reddit.com/r/intrusivethoug ... on_of_ocd/


Sorry to hear that. It sounds like they did a terrible job of supporting you after the fact. I think the point though was that it would have provided you with some protection against termination (and maybe other supports) if you'd disclosed up front.

It's always your choice to disclose or not, but sometimes it's in your best interest to. Hopefully the next boss is better at understanding.



JohnnyLurg
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26 Dec 2016, 2:17 pm

In fact I did disclose my disability to a later employer when I found ADA accommodations necessary, and I was accused of threatening my employer with ADA. So I've been shot from both sides.

And of course it's an understatement to say I've had it easy compared to this guy: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... cuffs.html

Thankfully my current job which I've had for about a month is much more understanding and I don't even know if my employers have suspected I have AS. AS hasn't even come up or needed to and I'm able to perform my job exceptionally and my employers said I'm a valuable asset to the company which I'm really proud of.



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26 Dec 2016, 4:13 pm

JohnnyLurg wrote:
Thankfully my current job which I've had for about a month is much more understanding and I don't even know if my employers have suspected I have AS. AS hasn't even come up or needed to and I'm able to perform my job exceptionally and my employers said I'm a valuable asset to the company which I'm really proud of.

And since they've made it clear that you're valuable to them, they're more likely to be understanding/willing to help out where they can (and if you need it) in the future.

You may have found a real winner there with that company.