Neurotypical Life Not Reachable.......

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JustDoYouOK
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17 Jan 2017, 11:53 pm

I was wondering is that life not possible for us Aspies? it doesn't seem like me



Kiprobalhato
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18 Jan 2017, 2:11 am

there are some horrors that come prepackaged with life that everyone has to deal with, aspie, NT or whatever. that's at least one way to find common ground.

neither "NT" or "aspie" are monoliths. i know people who have had some seriously tough and punishing lives - they are NT. maybe you are idealizing that label?

sometimes it just comes down to luck. maybe be a bit more specific as to what your issues are.


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18 Jan 2017, 2:17 am

If you mean neurotypical life as having a job and being in a relationship or married, then I must be living a neurotypical life. I am engaged to a man, and as soon as I can get a job closer to where he lives then I will move in with him. And I have a job, although it's only part-time, where as everyone my age do full-time. I have a driving license but don't have a car because can't afford it at the moment. I have a few friends I sometimes meet up with. And I spend most of my free time at my partner's, and when he's not working we do stuff like dine out.


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IstominFan
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18 Jan 2017, 10:23 am

I am far from having the full package of a "normal" life, but I'm working on having a very good one. I will never achieve the whole package because I am too old now to have children, but maybe I can still accomplish a decent life.



The Unleasher
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18 Jan 2017, 10:25 am

Joe makes a perfect point, we can sure get close, even if we can't be perfect. Neurotypicals also don't have the easiest lives either. Autistic people face some additional issues, just because many are labelled as "high-functioning" doesn't mean they're amazing at life. Social issues are probably the most common, speaking up, making eye contact, being able to listen, practising sedentary behaviour.

We also have some advantages though. Good memories, and as much as you may disagree with me, being able to notice/hear the smallest things. In a survival situation, that can be good. In a loud environment, it isn't too good, sensory overloads and all.

My final point is, make a life for yourself. If you want a quiet and peaceful house, go for it. Just go for what you want, the minute you turn 18, you're supposed to be free. Not held back, there's a difference. Good luck with everything you may encounter.


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18 Jan 2017, 2:38 pm

The only life you live is your own.

Your particular mix of strengths and weaknesses are key factors in what kind of life that will be, how happy you are in leading, how much work it is, whether or not you feel satisfied, etc.

A life of many failed attempts may be a better one than a safe life with nothing ventured and nothing gained.

Sometimes my relatively NT-shaped (marriage, job, kids, house, car) life seems like a hellish prison I wish I had never gotten into. Sometimes, when things are overwhelming and I fear failure, I wish I had not tried so hard.

But I love my wife and kids and I am grateful for my job, even though the stress is sometimes almost unbearable and I question whether they might not have been better off if I had never been born.

I should pass along a note from my rational mind here: please be aware that Adamantium suffers from a variety of chronic cognitive distortions including a tendency to catastrophize and may not always be a reliable witness.


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rats_and_cats
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18 Jan 2017, 2:41 pm

There's no such thing as "neurotypical life" because that would imply that there is a definition of normal. For a research project, I asked dozens of young adults and older adults what the meaning of "adult" is, and I got as many unique answers as there were people. Live the life that gives you a sense of fulfillment, regardless of what other people think (within reason.



JustDoYouOK
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18 Jan 2017, 9:19 pm

ok a few examples why does working a fast food job at Burger King not doing cashier work but cooking and cleaning stress me out and bring on my acid reflux trying to keep up with the fast pace and I always seem to stress myself out with dating it seems I can't go with the flow



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18 Jan 2017, 9:56 pm

JustDoYouOK wrote:
ok a few examples why does working a fast food job at Burger King not doing cashier work but cooking and cleaning stress me out and bring on my acid reflux trying to keep up with the fast pace and I always seem to stress myself out with dating it seems I can't go with the flow


Some jobs are just not for some people. Fast food jobs are more stressful than most jobs, so if you can't deal with it there's no shame. Just find somewhere else to work. But try to figure out ways to reduce stress first. It could be that you have executive dysfunction, which makes it hard to keep up a mental to-do list when you're given multiple things to do in a short time. Writing out a physical to-do list can help, as well as trying to keep things as routine as possible.

Dating is another thing that is awkward for everyone, so your date is probably feeling awkward too. It's better to try to be interesting than to try to make your body language and tone of voice perfect. If you're looking for a long term relationship and the other person doesn't accept you, that would be a deal breaker anyway.



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19 Jan 2017, 1:25 am

The Unleasher wrote:
Good memories, and as much as you may disagree with me, being able to notice/hear the smallest things. In a survival situation, that can be good. In a loud environment, it isn't too good, sensory overloads and all.


i think that in loud and chaotic environments, being able to notice small details might have its advantages there too. that is, the ability to notice something small and fleeting most others would miss. that too, lends itself to "survival".


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19 Jan 2017, 10:04 am

I know I couldn't keep up with the fast pace of a fast-food job. Sometimes just the smell of many of those places as I drive by them nauseates me.



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19 Jan 2017, 10:19 am

Lots of NTs have trouble having a "normal" life.
They may have health or family issues. They may live in an area where they can't find jobs.
They may have made some bad decisions, like drugs they thought they could handle but couldn't.



citoyenlambda
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19 Jan 2017, 2:26 pm

I watched a local TV show yesterday which did a feature on AS and the myths surrounding it. They had afflicted people as guests, and it was pretty clear that they were pretty well-integrated to a level I couldn't be. They had careers and families. If I hadn't known beforehand that they had Asperger I would have thought that they were normal, if a bit quirky.

Perhaps that was simply a result of long hours of hard work to learn to be able to pass. If so, I don't want to minimize their accomplishment. All that I know is that I have tried to integrate similarly and failed.

People are people, all with their own strengths and weaknesses. Personally I don't think I'd be able to attain the "neurotypical life". I can work in the modern sense of the world, but I don't like or want to. Girls think I'm too emotionally unavailable and I require ridiculous amounts of alone time so a relationship is not an option either.

My recommendation is to set yourself the goal to have the life you want. It doesn't matter if it's a "neurotypical life" or not. Personally, my dream is to live almost completely off-grid (I don't know if I could ever get rid of the Internet) and have the effort I put in reflected in concrete things like feeding myself or maintaining my abode. I know I'd be happy that way so I'm willing to put up with some aspects of the neurotypical life for as long as it takes to afford my dream, even though it makes me unhappy.


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Kiprobalhato
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20 Jan 2017, 12:23 am

IstominFan wrote:
I know I couldn't keep up with the fast pace of a fast-food job. Sometimes just the smell of many of those places as I drive by them nauseates me.


me neither. i worked for over 5 months as a dishwasher in a more formal restaurant (formal when compared to fast food places, at least)...and that alone was enough. in a way, i'm grateful what i wasn't a cook, because i got to always see them work, and their job seemed much more grueling than mine. i imagine their busiest hours would be akin to a normal shift in a fast food place.


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