Bad Life Lessons from Neurotypical Neighbours.

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PhosphorusDecree
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23 Sep 2017, 4:18 pm

As a person who is wierd and has poor social skills, apparently I should be observing the "normal" people around me for clues about socially acceptable behaviour. Fortunately, I have some living right above me! Things I've learned from them:

1: When vacuuming the entire flat at 10PM, put on very loud music so no-one is disturbed by the sound of the Hoover.
2: If you and your partner struggle to find a compromise about something, try using even worse insults. Eventually one of you will "win", as signified by the other storming out of the flat at midnight.
3: When your baby is crying, the best way to calm it down is to scream at it. If that doesn't work, try sarcasm. Still at your wit's end? Have another baby!
4: When you've flooded the kitchen of the flat below, give two entirely contradictory accounts of how it happened so even your horribly confused autistic neighbour can tell you're lying.

What gems of normal-person wisdom have you learned from YOUR neighbours?


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SH90
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23 Sep 2017, 6:11 pm

Sounds like the results of cheaply built building... I can't hear my neighbors, even when their having a party. I live in a modern high rise for what it's worth.



Sweetleaf
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23 Sep 2017, 6:20 pm

Those sound like some really sh*tty neighbors.


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Campin_Cat
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23 Sep 2017, 7:06 pm

PhosphorusDecree wrote:
What gems of normal-person wisdom have you learned from YOUR neighbours?

I've learned that if your girlfriend / wife / baby momma / whomever is not being obedient, you should beat 'er up, or try strangling her, or some other intimate gesture, that'll really make her WHOLE week.

I've also learned that if you're the baby momma (or, whomever), and you don't wanna put-up-with the aforementioned, run to the kitchen and get a knife (make sure you're really noisy about locating the knife, so your next-door neighbor knows EXACTLY what's going-on), and threaten the male in your life, with it.

Make sure you have really LOUD sex on the sofa during "prime-time television", cuz nobody would hear you having sex in your bedroom.

If you don't like what's on TV, shoot the TV (I've often thought I'm so lucky, that a bullet will, someday, come-through these what I SWEAR must be papier-mâché walls, and do something worse than kill me [like, maim me, for life]).

If you don't like the male you're living with, shoot 'im dead (happened at least twice, since I've been livin' here).

Also, maybe the MOST handy skill to learn, is that when you've had enough of the fight, you should always exit your apartment and slam the door as hard as possible (this'll make your neighbors' windows rattle), and continue to holler / scream THROUGH the door, so that the sound reverberates around the hallway, thereby giving your neighbors a really special treat.

And, last-but-not-least, don't go to any of your friends' houses to smoke pot / crack / whatever----make sure to do it in your apartment, so all the adjoining apartments' occupants, can get a contact high, severe headache, and/or make them so sick-to-their-stomach, that they'll likely throw-up.





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Last edited by Campin_Cat on 23 Sep 2017, 7:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dragonsanddemons
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23 Sep 2017, 7:23 pm

It's OK to let your dogs bark at the neighbors' dogs at 7 in the morning on weekends so long as the dogs stay out of the garden that borders one side of your yard. (Our next-door neighbors and neighbors that share part of the back fence of both ours and our next-door neighbors' yard both had terriers, and it got very noisy when they were all out at once. I don't think the back neighbors have dogs anymore.)

If the dogs do get into the garden barking at your next-door neighbor's dog, the best solution is to yell at them while they completely ignore you until your neighbor successfully distracts her dog and gets him away from the fence so your dogs lose interest.

Also from people around the neighborhood, cleaning up after your dog is optional - no one will know whose dog made that mess anyway. (Every time my dog tries to sniff at another dog's leavings, I'm afraid someone will see and then accuse me of not cleaning up after my dog, when actuality I clean up after him every time - one time I forgot to grab bags beforehand and didn't realize until he did his thing almost exactly halfway through our walking route, so I went home, got a bag, and went back and cleaned it up. He essentially got a double walk that time.)

And don't even get me started on what people think you should do when you see a service dog on duty - I could write a novel on that :roll: (I've got to say, though, the time several teenage guys were trying to surreptitiously peer around a corner in the grocery store (but actually only making themselves more conspicuous in their attempts to be stealthy) to stare at my dog while I was getting feminine hygiene products was pretty embarrassing... but it's funny now, it's OK to laugh :) )


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dragonsanddemons
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23 Sep 2017, 7:26 pm

Campin_Cat wrote:
PhosphorusDecree wrote:
What gems of normal-person wisdom have you learned from YOUR neighbours?

I've learned that if your girlfriend / wife / baby momma / whomever is not being obedient, you should beat 'er up, or try strangling her, or some other intimate gesture, that'll really make her WHOLE week.

I've also learned that if you're the baby momma (or, whomever), and you don't wanna put-up-with the aforementioned, run to the kitchen and get a knife (make sure you're really noisy about locating the knife, so your next-door neighbor knows EXACTLY what's going-on), and threaten the male in your life, with it.

Make sure you have really LOUD sex on the sofa during "prime-time television", cuz nobody would hear you having sex in your bedroom.

If you don't like what's on TV, shoot the TV.

If you don't like the male you're living with, shoot 'im dead (happened at least twice, since I've been livin' here).

Also, maybe the MOST handy skill to learn, is that when you've had enough of the fight, you should always exit your apartment and slam the door as hard as possible (this'll make your neighbors' windows rattle), and continue to holler / scream THROUGH the door, so that the sound reverberates around the hallway, thereby giving your neighbors a really special treat.

And, last-but-not-least, don't go to any of your friends' houses to smoke pot / crack / whatever----make sure to do it in your apartment, so all the adjoining apartments' occupants, can get a contact high, severe headache, and/or make them so sick-to-their-stomach, that they'll likely throw-up.


Oh my - that goes far beyond the realm of being a bad neighbor and into being downright terrifying. I'm so sorry you have to live in the same building as people like that.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

Hating others for supporting hateful people does nothing to stop the spread of hatred.


IstominFan
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23 Sep 2017, 8:19 pm

Have loud, drunken fights
Let your animals roam free, not taking care of them
Get drunk and throw up on the grass in full view of everyone
Play loud, annoying music
Throw your beer cans/broken bottles on the lawn

(I had all of these when I lived in an apartment when I was in college. The people next door were really trashy.)



EclecticWarrior
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23 Sep 2017, 9:18 pm

Be a complete chav prick.


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nick007
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26 Sep 2017, 2:47 am

I learned if you live in an apartment & the walls are thin & your a father sleeping with your kid daughter, it's OK to yell late at night things like "Stop moving", "I don't want to feel your body against mine", "I'm trying to sleep", "I'll kick you out of here if you don't stop"


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Raleigh
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26 Sep 2017, 2:54 am

Stand outside your house and scream at your partner until they are out of sight.
Put a bark collar on your dog that zaps them every time they bark so they yelp painfully, louder than they ever barked and keep the collar on for months, even though it doesn't seem to be working.
Start your chainsaw and mower at 10pm to check if they're fixed.


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Trueno
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26 Sep 2017, 3:01 am

Great posts.
I agree with all of the above... but most of all, make sure you drink loads of alcohol. Start early in the morning and keep at it regardless. It really brings out your very best qualities.


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PhosphorusDecree
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26 Sep 2017, 8:09 am

Campin_Cat wrote:
....If you don't like what's on TV, shoot the TV (I've often thought I'm so lucky, that a bullet will, someday, come-through these what I SWEAR must be papier-mâché walls, and do something worse than kill me [like, maim me, for life]).

If that's what life is like in your building, I just really, really hope you get a chance to move somewhere better soon.


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