Female Aspies going to University (masking, roomates, boys?)

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Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 14 Apr 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

20 Apr 2020, 2:43 am

Hi everyone, in September I should be going to university. I am not scared of independent living skills. I have been cooking for myself for years now, and I know how to iron etc... however, I will be living with one or two roommates which I have never met. I have been to summer camp and I made the roommate's thing workout, and it was great however a whole semester at uni is different. Have any of you at uni explained your autism to your roommate? Was he/she accepting? When is too early to 'come out'? I think the first day or week would be too early as you really don't know if you can trust them.

I officially got diagnosed a year and a half ago, so my high school experience was a rollercoaster. Having an absent-minded father, I now have daddy issues, which present itself even in friendships, which ends in manipulative and toxic friendships. Furthermore, my mother never talked about boys with me, so in my mind liking boy (or anyone, I am straight though) is a bad thing. In general, the relationship examples I have had (my parents, my mom's ex, my dads current gf) are all terrible. I have gone to 1-2 base, but never in a real relationship, I am scared of being taken advantage of because I am so naive about peoples intentions, do you have any tips on this?

Feel free to add anything if you are going through something similar, or have experienced this already! :heart:

Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 16 Jun 2020
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 27
Location: Serbia

17 Jun 2020, 10:21 am

Hello Sophie,

I am not sure if I am an aspie since getting the diagnosis in my country is really difficult, but I definitely have similar struggles like you, so I hope my answer will help you...

I started university four years ago and since then I have been living in a dorm and sharing a room with two different roommates. I would suggest to look for a dormitory which emphasizes tolerant and socially aware behaviour. My dorm is lead by evangelical church and any kind of bad behaviour, especially mobbing wouldn't be tolerated. I have to admit that my roommates definitely noticed some of my strange behaviours, however, they were very tolerant and didn't make fun of me. If you have issues with studying in the same room as someone else (because of the noise) or need to be alone from time to time, ask if there are same extra rooms, like a little study room or library.

Concerning boys, I have been raised in a similar way (to think that liking someone is bad) and my (little) experience with boys was very confusing. So I can't help you with this, I only can advise you to take care and no to trust anyone before you are really sure he doesn't have bad intentions towards you.

If you have further questions about the dorm, please feel free to write me a personal message. :)