A life lesson for the active guys here: never chase.

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Steve1963
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08 Sep 2020, 5:49 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I see plenty of guys here constantly second-guessing whether this girl who smiled at them once likes them or not, if you have to second guess then the answer is almost always a no.

ALMOST always a no. So you're saying there are some cases where chasing is ok? It better be, because I wouldn't have been married (twice now) if I hadn't done some chasing...



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08 Sep 2020, 7:56 am

I don't chase. Quite the opposite. However, I don't pick up on womens flirts. To me they are not pinfully obvious. I honestly can't tell the difference between a woman flirting with me and a woman being friendly or playing a joke on me.
I really find it hard to tell and it is usually my Mum or others who have seen it and been puzzled why I dis not take up on the "Obvious" flirt. It is NOT obvious to me. It is puzzling and I spend weeks and months analyzing it after the event, replaying the event in my brain etc.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Sep 2020, 10:32 am

Steve1963 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I see plenty of guys here constantly second-guessing whether this girl who smiled at them once likes them or not, if you have to second guess then the answer is almost always a no.

ALMOST always a no. So you're saying there are some cases where chasing is ok? It better be, because I wouldn't have been married (twice now) if I hadn't done some chasing...


Are you sure you didn't "chase" the very obvious cases?

Many men naively think they're chasing while they aren't.



kitten_caboodle
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08 Sep 2020, 10:39 am

I don't know many men who chase to be honest. Usually they are shy and intimidated or else they wait for the other person to make the first move because they don't know how. I like guys to make the first move at getting to know someone, but chasing would be really creepy.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Sep 2020, 10:49 am

kitten_caboodle wrote:
I don't know many men who chase to be honest. Usually they are shy and intimidated or else they wait for the other person to make the first move because they don't know how. I like guys to make the first move at getting to know someone, but chasing would be really creepy.


Aren't you self contradicting?

Maybe you're taking the word 'chasing' too literally I guess ; it's figurative, not like a lion chasing a deer.

Chasing in my context = first move(s).



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08 Sep 2020, 11:06 pm

I meant that they shouldn't chase by being persistent about asking the person out, stalking their media, or otherwise being obvious that they are interested. I didn't think you meant lions and deer :P



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09 Sep 2020, 2:00 am

kitten_caboodle wrote:
I meant that they shouldn't chase by being persistent about asking the person out, stalking their media, or otherwise being obvious that they are interested. I didn't think you meant lions and deer :P


I think being persistent is quite ok if there is a mutual interest, but asking out or stalking online is never ok. In fact, without persistence, the shy types never get anywhere.



magz
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09 Sep 2020, 2:08 am

kitten_caboodle wrote:
I meant that they shouldn't chase by being persistent about asking the person out, stalking their media, or otherwise being obvious that they are interested. I didn't think you meant lions and deer :P

But how would you know they are interested, then?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Sep 2020, 2:42 am

magz wrote:
kitten_caboodle wrote:
I meant that they shouldn't chase by being persistent about asking the person out, stalking their media, or otherwise being obvious that they are interested. I didn't think you meant lions and deer :P

But how would you know they are interested, then?


It doesn't matter, she should be interested and show it.



magz
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09 Sep 2020, 2:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
magz wrote:
kitten_caboodle wrote:
I meant that they shouldn't chase by being persistent about asking the person out, stalking their media, or otherwise being obvious that they are interested. I didn't think you meant lions and deer :P

But how would you know they are interested, then?

It doesn't matter, she should be interested and show it.

Serious or sarcastic?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Sep 2020, 3:04 am

magz wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
magz wrote:
kitten_caboodle wrote:
I meant that they shouldn't chase by being persistent about asking the person out, stalking their media, or otherwise being obvious that they are interested. I didn't think you meant lions and deer :P

But how would you know they are interested, then?

It doesn't matter, she should be interested and show it.

Serious or sarcastic?


Both.

The male should not make any move before the obvious signs mentioned in thread.



kitten_caboodle
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09 Sep 2020, 10:50 am

I didn't word that very well. I meant they shouldn't be obvious about it over a long period of time if the person clearly isn't interested or said no. Don't keep staring at them, flirting with them or making them uncomfortable after the first (or second?) try.



rdos
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09 Sep 2020, 3:29 pm

kitten_caboodle wrote:
I didn't word that very well. I meant they shouldn't be obvious about it over a long period of time if the person clearly isn't interested or said no. Don't keep staring at them, flirting with them or making them uncomfortable after the first (or second?) try.


Sounds reasonable.



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23 Sep 2020, 10:59 am

I fail both ways. A few years ago, some friends and I were at a bar and I was in line to get another drink. While in line, a woman came up and asked me how tall I am (I'm 6'6" so it's not uncommon). I told her and made a joke about it and I don't remember what she said next, but anyway, after I got my drink I went back to the table my friends were at. They asked if I got her number and I said no. They were really surprised and said she was completely flirting with me and I didn't notice it at all.

There used to be a deli near my work that I'd go to for lunch. There was a woman who worked there that I would talk with a lot. I noticed that other guys would come in and she would just take their order and would then come back near where I was and talk. I knew about her family, her hobbies, etc and finally decided I would ask her out. The next time I went to the deli I asked her what her plans were for the next weekend, thinking I'd ask her if she'd want to meet at a dog park or something and walk our dogs. She told me she was going to some event with her boyfriend and yeah, I don't remember the rest.



Citymale
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23 Sep 2020, 12:26 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Disclaimer: the purpose of this thread is not how to make yourself more attractive and more 'chaseable' by women, but it's about not to waste time for zero-potentials.

I am a very strong proponent of the rule that if a girl really likes you, then she will make it very EXTREMELY obvious to you - like rubbing her admiration on your face to the extent that it's impossible to miss even for aspies. Things like frequently initiating texts with you, adding you to her facebook, coming TO your way whenever she sees you to say hi and start a conversation with you, small gestures like buying something to eat for you ...etc. The whole thing, when combined together, will become VERY OBVIOUS, you wouldn't even do second guesses even if you have the worst social skills in the universe.

Personally, only those cases flourished into relationships - NO other scenario in the past flourished into anything; which strengthens further my belief in this rule.

Even though I do fall sometimes in a 'chasing the girl mode' pitfalls when I do have a liking of a girl, but I always ending up remembering this rule again; and things always prove me how true it is.

So here' an anecdote story happened recently, there's an introvert girl who works in a different company but happens to be on the same floor of my workplace(so no, we are not coworkers, totally two different companies and two different groups); I had few talks with this girl by coincidence mostly in the lunch places and I did have some interest in her in the past.

I did even attempt to add her on facebook but the request was never accepted; I kept my interaction with her normal of course and I didn't bring up the FB thing to her (I never do, I am smarter than that).


But she obviously developed a liking toward my coworker instead, who's totally opposite of me (and of her): Tall, extrovert, sales-type of person (non technical), smooth talker and very outgoing, very metrosexual, and overall handsome and charming.

The signs she did:
- Talking to him whenever she gets the chance.
- Inviting him to lunch meals.
- Adding him to facebook and initiating texting with him (he showed me).
- Buying for him crafts such as a transitional chocolate box every time she came back from a travel, and she was so bold about it to the point she gave them to him in our office.

Even the guy himself told me that she's obviously chasing him but he was already taken; she only stopped all these gestures at once after he finally got formally engaged with this girlfriend; that was like a year ago.

Then suddenly, few weeks ago she finally accepted my FB's friend request! lol after a year. I did send a Hello with a question related to quarantine (I haven't seen her back then since the lockdown), it was a very casual question - she read it, but ignored me - so I unfriended her right away and decided to forget about it (note: to those who don't know, the fb messenger does show a 'seen' sign when someone reads your message.

My workplace happens to be in a highly secured area, and there's a checkpoint which checks the identify of people whether they're really employees working there; on last Friday, the newly appointed dgendarme couldn't find my name in the list and so couldn't let me in even though I was sure it was there on that very damn list, It has been there registered for 6 months at least but he was refusing to recheck.

Then this girl arrived, we were both wearing medical masks but she recognized me still, and she told him that she knows me, she told him of my name and that I work in the same bloc as hers; she passed, but her talk convinced him to re-check his list for my name until he finally found it.

I wanted to thank her (while deep inside just taking the opportunity :lol:) but she was ahead me already, so I sent her later a FB message of thanks without expecting a reply (again) especially that it was morning during a work time.
But this time she did reply; and she was like "oh it was really nothing" - then the conversation flowed well until I got back to my senses! I just had quick flash memories of how she showed interest toward my coworker vs showing a total meh casual behavior toward me, plus I am a total opposite of that guy so there's no way she would like two opposite types, plus how she ignored my very first text few weeks ago. So I did cut that chat with something like "That was a nice conversation, but I have work now, we will talk later, have a nice weekend." with the thought that if she really has any liking toward me then she will initiate texting at some point later.

Which of course I know she wouldn't because she didn't show any of the signs above (and politely replying to my thank you message is not one of them).

So the purpose of this story? Guys, never waste your time for girls who show like ZERO signs toward you and make ZERO effort to get to know you; and no, a 1-2 signs once in a blue moon like smiling to you once is never enough; these signs must be very frequent, repetitive, and happen on almost daily/weekly basis to be even considered 'being chased'.

I see plenty of guys here constantly second-guessing whether this girl who smiled at them once likes them or not, if you have to second guess then the answer is almost always a no.


Women will pick the socially better guy.. you can’t blame her for wanting someone without AS.. you can chase sometimes but usually not.. she probably chose him much due to height which is a common Women’s preference



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23 Sep 2020, 1:27 pm

So I agree with what is said here, but fear it could be misinterpreted as "never make any moves." If you're interested show your interest, see if you get a positive response. If you don't get a positive response move on.


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