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blackicmenace
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08 Mar 2021, 7:31 pm


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TenMinutes
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08 Mar 2021, 7:35 pm

FWIW I'm someone that people can (and have) called in the middle of the night, but I've never had someone I felt comfortable counting on that much. To be frank, the unfairness of it is pretty trying.



blackicmenace
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08 Mar 2021, 7:52 pm

TenMinutes wrote:
FWIW I'm someone that people can (and have) called in the middle of the night, but I've never had someone I felt comfortable counting on that much. To be frank, the unfairness of it is pretty trying.


I'm sorry that you've never had anyone that invested much emotional support in you. I haven't had much either, but I guess that has more to do with having mostly men as friends. That is not to say men can't do so.


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kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2021, 8:56 pm

I wouldn't call anybody in the middle of the night.....even in my worst moments.....it's just not something to be done. You're disturbing someone's sleep.



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08 Mar 2021, 9:15 pm

TenMinutes wrote:
I'm fine with the disinterested. Most people are disinterested. It's no big deal that any particular person is unable or unwilling to provide support.

But false hope is the worst. It's a setup for humiliation.


The story of my life. :mrgreen:
I tend to be very cynical these days, for good reason. 8)

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The ones who aren't so helpful? I'm trying not to be upset with them.


They have no impact on me emotionally, these days.

Nietzsche said: "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
In context, I can attest to that. 8)


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08 Mar 2021, 9:24 pm

:?: convincing you of something that isn’t true and the rational part of you believes they did not intend harm to you.
Am quite sure I misread this somehow or misunderstood ?


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Jakki
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08 Mar 2021, 9:35 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wouldn't call anybody in the middle of the night.....even in my worst moments.....it's just not something to be done. You're disturbing someone's sleep.

It must be a weakness but I have taken at least 2 calls in the wee hours , to help get people out of very bad situations , And was fully aware in at least one of those situations , I was the only person that they could call for help.
Due to having better resources than them . And even little miffed to do it was glad to have been able to help both times, Inspite of it causing me most of a nights rest . Not something , I would ever wish to put another person in that position .
Both persons were 2 of my oldest and dearest friends .


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kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2021, 10:57 pm

You did the right thing.



IsabellaLinton
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08 Mar 2021, 11:06 pm

I think most people who say "I'm here for you" are being sincere. They mean that if you need to talk to them again, they will be there to support you. Unless someone showed me that they couldn't be trusted, or that they were disingenuous, I'd be grateful for their friendship.

I will always have a landline phone, in case someone needs me in the night. I shut off my mobile when I'm sleeping so I won't be woken by texts or spam messages, but the landline is always on for emergencies. As a mother I need to be available 24/7 and especially overnight. If not for my landline I wouldn't have received word that my boy was stabbed in a random act of violence. My mobile was dead and I was turning in for the night at 2 am.

It's important to be there for our friends and family, and to let them know we'll be there whenever we're needed.



TenMinutes
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08 Mar 2021, 11:26 pm

Jakki wrote:
:?: convincing you of something that isn’t true and the rational part of you believes they did not intend harm to you.
Am quite sure I misread this somehow or misunderstood ?


Causing me to perseverate trying to figure out the incongruities is something they couldn't reasonably anticipate. THey did me no favor lying to me, but most of the harm has to do with my personality that nobody knows about.



auntblabby
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09 Mar 2021, 1:56 am

if the person matters to you, then sleep is a minor consideration. just ask billions of parents over the eons.



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20 Mar 2021, 7:01 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't believe in "obligation," whatsoever. I'm not "obligated" to do anything for anybody. And nobody is obligated to do anything for me.

Unless there are obligations that you've agreed to, as in a marriage. And if you have kids, you have obligations to your kids.

People can also create alternative extended families with mutually agreed-upon mutual obligations, whatever those might be.


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kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2021, 7:05 pm

Of course. I have obligations to my wife, and to my kids if I have any.



Jakki
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20 Mar 2021, 8:04 pm

Kids if you have any .... little krafties running about the continent somewhere . :mrgreen:


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cyberdad
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21 Mar 2021, 3:17 am

TenMinutes wrote:
Rhetorical question, because I'm just here to b***h LOL.

I've discovered that "I'm here for you" means "If you ever come to me with important plans and you're looking for support or for alternative suggestions, I'm going to get irritated with you for endangering my vacation and turn the conversation into you having to reassure me I'm still going to get my vacation."

Or possibly it means "We're never going to speak again f**k you bye LOL."


In the NT world it literally means "please only come to me if you are really desperate and have nobody else to turn to and nowhere else to go"

Its about as meaningful as "let's do lunch"



kraftiekortie
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21 Mar 2021, 6:59 am

Lol....I meant to say that I don’t have any kids....