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KT67
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10 Mar 2021, 6:07 am

Why do people look down on me when I tell them I'm teetotal?

Why do people insist I drink?

Why do we live in a society where if you don't get drunk every Friday and Saturday with a bunch of mates you're considered a bit odd?

And no, people don't age out of it. I'm talking about guys twice my age. I'm talking about my auntie over Christmas with the champers.

Apparently if I say something I'm judgmental but if they say something against not drinking they're just normal...


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OutsideView
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10 Mar 2021, 6:41 am

I wish I knew! People often think I might've had a drink problem, then when I tell them I just don't drink because I don't want to they look at me strange or try to change my mind. I have started to enjoy alcohol-free beer now, couldn't stand it a few years ago.


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10 Mar 2021, 9:14 am

KT67 wrote:
Why is being sober looked down on?
Back in my teetotaling days, drinkers used to bag on me for judging them when I would politely refuse a drink, as if I was "too good" to be like one of them.  Same for smokers and smoking -- if you are not one of them, then you simply must be a snob, afraid of having fun, or simply not "cool".

:roll: Whatever.

For me to drink or not to drink is MY choice, not theirs; and no judgment on them is expressed or implied.


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Steve1963
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10 Mar 2021, 9:55 am

KT67 wrote:
Why do people look down on me when I tell them I'm teetotal?

That has not been my experience at all; I generally hear positive things when I tell people I don't drink.



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10 Mar 2021, 9:56 am

To KT67 and OutsideView:

Surely there must be SOME other people who live somewhere near you and don't drink. The only question is how to find them.

Throughout my adult life, my answer to being looked down on for any given characteristic X has usually been to try (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to either find or start a group of people with characteristic X.

How big is Meetup.com in the U.K., or in Australia?

Have either of you tried creating a sober Meetup.com group devoted to whatever topic or activity you would like to be part of a group devoted to?

Or is there some reason why this would not be a viable option for you?


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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 10 Mar 2021, 10:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

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10 Mar 2021, 9:58 am

Steve1963 wrote:
KT67 wrote:
Why do people look down on me when I tell them I'm teetotal?

That has not been my experience at all; I generally hear positive things when I tell people I don't drink.

This varies by local culture. Here in the northeastern U.S.A. at least, I agree that there isn't much if any pressure to drink alcoholic beverages. Apparently things are different in other countries and even some other parts of the U.S.A.


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KT67
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10 Mar 2021, 11:17 am

It's definitely a cultural thing.

Doesn't help when people outside that want me to drink for cultural reasons.

St Patrick's day? Drink. Celtic win something? Drink.

On a broader level...
Christmas? Drink. Someone's birthday & they're drinking? Drink.

If you don't drink or if you toast with a soft drink, it's seen as a sign you're not truly happy and celebrating.

If you can't handle it, then that's looked down on too. Good - don't be an angry drunk. But don't make people drink then. Let people know their own limits.

When I drink I get cross, close to meltdown and my sensory sensitivities increase. Especially in social situations I want to have my wits about me. It isn't comparable to someone who can handle his drink.

And that doesn't mean I don't want to celebrate.


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10 Mar 2021, 12:00 pm

KT67 wrote:
Why do people look down on me when I tell them I'm teetotal?

Why do people insist I drink?

Why do we live in a society where if you don't get drunk every Friday and Saturday with a bunch of mates you're considered a bit odd?

And no, people don't age out of it. I'm talking about guys twice my age. I'm talking about my auntie over Christmas with the champers.

Apparently if I say something I'm judgmental but if they say something against not drinking they're just normal...


People are garbage, let them drink themselves to death like my stepfather did. The doctors wrote "Cirrhosis of the liver" on his Death Certificate. :skull:
At the end he was bloated like an overripe grape they use for wine. :mrgreen:
Mom had to clean up his doo doo and all of that. :ninja:
Drinking is very glamorous. :lol:


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OutsideView
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10 Mar 2021, 12:44 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Have either of you tried creating a sober Meetup.com group devoted to whatever topic or activity you would like to be part of a group devoted to?

Or is there some reason why this would not be a viable option for you?

There are few enough people round my way interested in punk without ruling out the drinkers. It'd be a good idea for people living in a city though and one that's never crossed my mind before.


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10 Mar 2021, 3:12 pm

I may not have much experience in this subject, but it seems like a cultural thing to me as well. How it intersects with gender is discussed pretty well in a thread on the LGBT forum. I don't drink either, by the way.


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10 Mar 2021, 3:24 pm

IDK....

Seems like a personal choice thing to me, why should it matter if you choose to drink or not...its not stopping people who do choose to.


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10 Mar 2021, 3:28 pm

OutsideView wrote:
There are few enough people round my way interested in punk without ruling out the drinkers. It'd be a good idea for people living in a city though and one that's never crossed my mind before.

I was thinking punk as well, in particular when straight edge became a thing in the 90ies being sober became more socially acceptable. There were also quite a lot of say 12 years olds who went into the movements at that time.
Them being sober is totally accepted, and most of them accept that others wants to drink. A very accepting and friendly crowd on the whole.
I could immagine that it is different in other subcultures, eg Soccer supporters or the heavy metal scene.
Personally I like alcohol. It makes me relax and makes it easier for me to socialize. And I never turn angry or violent.
However after 30+ years of heavy drinking, I believe that I need to at least cut down on it, not that I have lost much if any of my intellect during the ride, but I understand that the lifestyle isn't sustainable for ever.

/Mats


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KT67
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10 Mar 2021, 3:36 pm

See with football it becomes a genuine culture thing...

Which is stupid because EPL fans and Sevco fans drink a ton too and they're White British Wasp etc...

But apparently according to some it's a 'sign' you have Irish roots and are proud of them. Don't drink? Lack of pride or even lack of roots (not the case with me).

I'm proud of what my ancestors went through & I don't drink. I don't even eat loads. I'm just glad we're not in a famine & we have a choice about both.


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funeralxempire
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10 Mar 2021, 4:01 pm

People who use substances to the point of it being self-harm know you're right and get defensive.

People who use substances but don't experience harm because their use is better managed know you're wrong and think you're being unreasonably judgmental.



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10 Mar 2021, 4:03 pm

Well, it used to be that way with punks, I don't know how many former friends from the 80ies has died from heroin overdoses, suicide or whatnot. Or just ended up f**ked up in one way or another.
I'm not saying it's easy to change attitudes, but history proves that it can be done. Of course it can go the other way too, are there any straight skins or red skins nowadays?

/Mats


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10 Mar 2021, 4:07 pm

mohsart wrote:
Well, it used to be that way with punks, I don't know how many former friends from the 80ies has died from heroin overdoses, suicide or whatnot. Or just ended up f**ked up in one way or another.
I'm not saying it's easy to change attitudes, but history proves that it can be done. Of course it can go the other way too, are there any straight skins or red skins nowadays?

/Mats


How many of them had mental health issues that went untreated before those outcomes?