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Aspie1
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18 Mar 2021, 11:37 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Who is pressuring you to drink?

You don't have to interact with them

You could ask them to stop
In my case, it was my therapist. I was kind of forced to keep seeing her, and put up with her gaslighting and emotional abuse. Namely, I was afraid to tell my parents about how she treated me, because I clearly knew she was on their side, and they loved her, especially my mother. I'd probably get in trouble for talking negatively about her. Now, add bullying in school, my lack of friends, and my parents' demands of perfect grades to all that.

Drinking is something I started doing out of sheer despair. It was either numbing my misery with alcohol, or taking my life because the misery was too much for me. Mind you, I hated my life since I was 5. So discovering that I could use alcohol, like the adults around me did, was like finding a stream in a desert. I drank whatever I found at home, and later, whatever I could legally buy on the cheap.



KT67
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18 Mar 2021, 11:50 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Who is pressuring you to drink?

You don't have to interact with them

You could ask them to stop


Not just friends though.

My auntie.

She thinks you can't celebrate Christmas and birthdays without wine.

And so many friends that it feels like a choice: do you want friends or do you want to be 100% teetotal?


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Gentleman Argentum
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18 Mar 2021, 4:37 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Well, that's pretty terrible, unless you want CIRHOSIS OF THE LIVER on your death certificate and someone (or no one) cleaning after your uncontrolled poops you might want to rethink your parents' terrible coping strategy. Drinking makes as much sense as hitting yourself on the head with a hammer.
It ain't perfect, but it works well enough for me. I lost the ability to care. My philosophy is "laugh now, cry later".


I almost never persuade anyone. The most I ever hope for is to plant a seed. Maybe one day you will reach a point in your life when you question the influence of a Demon :evil: - alcohol - in your life. Make no mistake, "spirits" have spiritual qualities, and they are malignant in nature.

Remember all the stories that people in this thread shared. Some other people made much better cases than me, especially KT67.


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OutsideView
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19 Mar 2021, 5:24 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Who is pressuring you to drink?

You don't have to interact with them

You could ask them to stop

For me it's sometimes friends who think I should just have one drink because it's a special occasion, sometimes acquaintances who think I should drink because I'll have more fun, sometimes people I've just met who want me to drink because they feel uncomfortable drinking when I'm not. There's also some blokes who try to chat you up and insist on you having an alcoholic drink.

There also seems to be this general idea in society that you should drink, similar to how you should want to be out partying every weekend. Then there's the people who have negative opinions about people who don't drink and like to tell you about them like Aspie1 did in this thread. Yeah, opinions on why non-drinkers are looked down on is the topic of the thread but he went the extra mile with "all sober-by-choice people I ever knew were snooty, self-righteous, overprivileged jerks", like how the hell many do you know? I think I've only met one other person in real life who chose to be sober and he was very nice. I never try to persuade other people not to drink (unless I know they're trying to stop) and have no general negative opinions about people who do drink (except the ones who have a problem with me).


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KT67
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19 Mar 2021, 8:46 am

As an afab person (and also in somewhat homoerotic environments tbh), I feel pressured by men to drink.

Same guys would take me saying no as rude.

But I feel like they would take advantage of me in a drunken state.

Even if it is 'just the one', if you're 4"11, that is a lot of alcohol compared to body size.


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Aspie1
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19 Mar 2021, 10:42 pm

OutsideView wrote:
There also seems to be this general idea in society that you should drink, similar to how you should want to be out partying every weekend. Then there's the people who have negative opinions about people who don't drink and like to tell you about them like Aspie1 did in this thread. Yeah, opinions on why non-drinkers are looked down on is the topic of the thread but he went the extra mile with "all sober-by-choice people I ever knew were snooty, self-righteous, overprivileged jerks", like how the hell many do you know?
Never, not even for a second, did I intend to call you snooty, self-righteous, or anything else. But my opinion still stands: all sober-by-choice people knew in real life were snooty, self-righteous, overprivileged jerks. It's just how my life turned out. Rag me about it if you must. Also don't forget: for all I know, alcohol could have saved my life. After a nasty therapy session where the therapist gaslighted me and deliberately antagonized me for hours, I cried for 8 hours nonstop almost every day for 2 weeks. I was on the verge of suicide, and even thought about jumping under a train, until I got an idea to take a swig from my parents' whiskey bottle. It sent my mood soaring, and the rest is history.

So dismount that high horse! You can stay happy while stone-cold sober? Props and respect! Good for you. But not every aspie has the gift you have. So show some compassion. Understand that for many of us, alcohol isn't a frivolous luxury, but a necessity to maintain the will to live. Not in an "addiction" sense, but because it drowns out the misery.

Also don't forget how lucky you are, that you have to be only 18 to buy alcohol in the UK. In the US, you have to be 21. That's why I took up cigarette smoking in college, smoking half a pack per day on average. It was a stop-gap measure until I was old enough to just buy it myself. As opposed to bribing over-21 friends to buy it for me, or drinking unrestricted crap containing alcohol, like cooking wine.



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20 Mar 2021, 5:53 am

Or maybe someone feels like they would be raped or abused or taken advantage of if they were on alcohol?

That doesn't exactly make them 'privileged'.

In any case most people are talking about people who choose to drink for social reasons ie because it is normal.


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OutsideView
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20 Mar 2021, 6:54 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Never, not even for a second, did I intend to call you snooty, self-righteous, or anything else. But my opinion still stands: all sober-by-choice people knew in real life were snooty, self-righteous, overprivileged jerks.

But now telling me to "dismount that high horse" is pretty much the same thing. If I said "every person I ever knew who drinks to stay happy is a useless waste of space who lies and cheats" would you not feel at least a little bit bad? (I don't think that, it's just an example) Plus this whole paragraph was aimed at all non-drinkers-by-choice:

Aspie1 wrote:
So when someone chooses not to drink without having a concrete reason, it gives them a vibe of unearned privilege. Namely, their level is happiness is so high, and their level of misery is almost zero, that they literally DON'T NEED to drink. At the same time, they're not different from the drinkers around them: that is, similar income level, lifestyle, overall health, and demographic. So, this can provoke feelings of suspicion and resentment: "What's this person doing differently than me, that he/she doesn't need to drink, while not telling me about it?" Hence, looking down on sober-by-choice people. It stems from suspicion and resentment, not overt dislike.

I was using your post as an example to answer shortfatbalduglyman's question about who is pressuring people to drink. I know you're not doing that directly but that's how it feels when you get that opinion from lots of people.

Aspie1 wrote:
You can stay happy while stone-cold sober? Props and respect! Good for you. But not every aspie has the gift you have. So show some compassion. Understand that for many of us, alcohol isn't a frivolous luxury, but a necessity to maintain the will to live. Not in an "addiction" sense, but because it drowns out the misery.

Also don't forget how lucky you are, that you have to be only 18 to buy alcohol in the UK.

What makes you think I'm happy? I've used self harm to medicate depression since before I wad old enough to drink. So don't forget how lucky you are falling into something that's socially approved of like drinking instead of getting looked down on for your coping strategy as well as your choice of beverage. In what way was I being uncompassionate before that made you feel the need to tell me to "So show some compassion" when you haven't shown any?


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Aspie1
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20 Mar 2021, 9:40 am

OutsideView wrote:
But now telling me to "dismount that high horse" is pretty much the same thing. If I said "every person I ever knew who drinks to stay happy is a useless waste of space who lies and cheats" would you not feel at least a little bit bad? (I don't think that, it's just an example) Plus this whole paragraph was aimed at all non-drinkers-by-choice.
Not necessarily. I obviously wouldn't be happy to read it, given the alcohol's helpful role in my life. But for the most part, I'd just shrug and think: "That's one person's opinion." I'm at a point where unless someone's opinion can destroy my life, like my state and federal politicians, with their CDC-pandering Biden-19 virus lockdowns, and their support of looters trashing American cities, it's not my responsibility to police their thoughts. Speaking of Biden-19, I drank buckets of alcohol during my state's lockdown, until I decided "to hell with it!", and joined a radical right-wing group still willing to socialize illegally. I drank a lot less after that, although I still enjoyed a beer or two at their gatherings.

OutsideView wrote:
What makes you think I'm happy? I've used self harm to medicate depression since before I wad old enough to drink. So don't forget how lucky you are falling into something that's socially approved of like drinking instead of getting looked down on for your coping strategy as well as your choice of beverage. In what way was I being uncompassionate before that made you feel the need to tell me to "So show some compassion" when you haven't shown any?
I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope things get better for you quickly. At the same time, I was 12 when I had that therapy experience, and took up drinking because of it. That's TWELVE! I don't know if drinking at that age is socially acceptable in any country. :) And I didn't get antidepressants until I was 35. So we both had to find ways to cope with society trying to destroy us, while getting a cheap laugh out of it. Not unlike the leftist idiots running our respective countries. Truce?



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20 Mar 2021, 10:00 am

Aspie1 wrote:
I was 12 when I had that therapy experience, and took up drinking because of it. That's TWELVE! I don't know if drinking at that age is socially acceptable in any country.

Hope things are looking up for you too now you've managed to get on anti-depressants. From what you've said here you've certainly had a tough time, that's a horrible thing to happen to a 12 year old.

Aspie1 wrote:
Truce?

Definitely!


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18 Apr 2021, 4:55 pm

I just now came across the following articles:

- Ways To Get Away With Not Drinking In Social Situations
- How To Have A Social Life Without Alcohol

Both are in a section about Assertiveness on the Succeed Socially website by Chris MacLeod, MSW.


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violetdr3amer
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04 May 2021, 1:41 pm

This also baffles me. It does seem that all anyone ever cares about is getting blasted at the weekends. I think if anyone looks down on someone for not drinking, they are either being small-minded or defensive about their own dependance on alcohol.

I used to drink a lot and take drugs regularly. When I decided to stop, the number of friends I had drastically decreased. I have a couple of good friends these days who are up for sober activities and that's it. My former so-called "friends" used to cancel on me last minute when I tried to arrange sober activities and go clubbing on the same night, and when I asked why, they would say things like "you used to be fun and now you're not anymore. I just want to have fun!" - sigh

I think that many people just don't know how to have fun, or bond with others, if it doesn't involve getting blasted. To be honest, I find that most NTs have very limited interests - football and chasing after women for blokes, clothes, boys and dancing in clubs for girls... *yawn*



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04 May 2021, 4:15 pm

I don't see how getting wasted is fun, because most people don't remember what they did and just wake up in the morning with a hangover. Having fun is supposed to be remembered. I once knew a girl who thought tarting up and getting wasted was the be all and end all, but every time she did she just ended up causing trouble and getting into fights. How's that fun? Then she was crying one day because she found herself pregnant and didn't know who the father was because she probably had sex with some boy whole she was drunk.

My idea of fun is exploring around derelict/haunted places, but unfortunately that seems to have become illegal in this stupid country because every time you visit an old abandoned building the police come along and arrest you. :roll:


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04 May 2021, 6:12 pm

violetdr3amer wrote:
This also baffles me. It does seem that all anyone ever cares about is getting blasted at the weekends. I think if anyone looks down on someone for not drinking, they are either being small-minded or defensive about their own dependance on alcohol.

I used to drink a lot and take drugs regularly. When I decided to stop, the number of friends I had drastically decreased. I have a couple of good friends these days who are up for sober activities and that's it. My former so-called "friends" used to cancel on me last minute when I tried to arrange sober activities and go clubbing on the same night, and when I asked why, they would say things like "you used to be fun and now you're not anymore. I just want to have fun!" - sigh

I think that many people just don't know how to have fun, or bond with others, if it doesn't involve getting blasted. To be honest, I find that most NTs have very limited interests - football and chasing after women for blokes, clothes, boys and dancing in clubs for girls... *yawn*


While I do understand how easy it is to get addicted, and why one would want to shade oneself from life through either drink or drugs or both, for me it is different? I mean... Well. This is what I wrote.

It is surprizing how people just do not know how to amuse themselves without drink. I rarely drink myself and I have never had a hangover as I have not drank that much, but I do have balance and judgement issues when I come out of the deeper end of having shutdowns, so the thought of being drunk just makes me feel "Why would anyone want to be drunk?" as shutdowns are not a pleasant experience. Partial shutdowns that do not go that deep are neither here or there (More of a hinderance as I have to stop whatever I am doing and find somewhere quiet to relax to pull out of it), but if it goes further the experience is not a nice one, and the experience of just after (And just before though after is far more noticeable) a full shutdown is very much like I am drunk, except for I have loud tinitus and major panic (going into a shutdown) and I am zonked out of energy as it robs me of my energy so I am shaky and clamy if I have had more then one shutdown which I can get if I can't get myself out of the enviroment that caused me to shut down...)

But to even think what it would be like to be drunk on top of having a shutdown... (And if I go sick I need someone to clear my airways as I go unconcious if I go sick, so if I did ever get drunk to that extent, I would be in a real mess).

But the few times I have been overly tipsy have not been that pleasant to be truthful. I have sat there annoyed with myself rather then been happy.

I will stay sober. I want to live in the real world. I want to stay real. I have been masking too much through life. Real is better. Real is real! It is what it is. No pretence. It is real.

Having written that, I do think that there is a lack of fun things to do out there that don't involve the drinking scene, especially in the winter months or the evenings.
Everything is geared towards drink as it is money making. Yet we need fun and amusement. We need to enjoy life and what it brings.
Yes, I am more of an introvert, but I do see how we need fun things to do. Without fun, life is dull. We need fun.


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