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KT67
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16 Mar 2021, 6:37 am

I only communicate in words.

No point communicating then.

Since people on here and other sites ignore my words and butt in with their own interpretations or just their own points.

And same with spoken language.

Mum ignores me and only cares about a few key words.

Even punishes me for saying things which are fine in context.

Can't help but feel like a lot of this is a deliberate thing against me.


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kraftiekortie
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16 Mar 2021, 6:48 am

I don’t ignore you :)



magz
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16 Mar 2021, 6:48 am

In the vast majority of cases, it's not deliberate. People miscommunicate all the time and people on the spectrum do even more of it.
I know how frustrating it is when you know you're right but people don't get your point - but that's how it is - communication is tricky, people use mental shortcuts all the time and getting through can be very hard, close to impossible in some cases.


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KT67
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16 Mar 2021, 10:21 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don’t ignore you :)


I know you don't :)

And I feel guilty now cos there's DMs from you I haven't answered :lol:


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KT67
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16 Mar 2021, 10:29 am

magz wrote:
In the vast majority of cases, it's not deliberate. People miscommunicate all the time and people on the spectrum do even more of it.
I know how frustrating it is when you know you're right but people don't get your point - but that's how it is - communication is tricky, people use mental shortcuts all the time and getting through can be very hard, close to impossible in some cases.


Especially in spoken language it feels like I'm putting a lot of effort in which I don't get rewarded for.

Spoken language has got harder since me and mum mostly meet up on walks where (presumably NT because they're the majority) people are loud, dogs are barking and cars are driving by. Makes it so I can't think. If I do manage to get words through that ramble then they are important words which I mean.

And the only reward I want is to be understood.

Someone understands me then rips me to shreds? Fine, I'm wrong then. But I don't get the point of talking to people if I don't get the simple reward of understanding.

It's not just on this site.

On this site the one request I have (and I obey this myself) is: please at least read OP (original post). There's a character limit on subjects and an imperitive to make things 'grabby' rather than accurate descriptions.

Ideally read everything that people have been saying back and forth so you can chime in within that context - but I know that can be hard if someone struggles with communication/attention span esp once the discussion is over a page long.

I know her deafness makes this hard but... ugh I just wish she would presume I meant well!


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mohsart
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16 Mar 2021, 1:05 pm

Over time, I have developed a way of speaking, with lots of subordinate clauses, trying to make myself more easilly understood, but now I try to be more simplistic, since most people cannot follow my complicated sentences.
Instead I start over and try to explain myself, not seldom more than two times.
It may be because of my time in China. Chinese is a very "foggy" language, so what people often do is say the same thing many times but with different words; each time what they mean becomes more clear.

/Mats


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16 Mar 2021, 1:50 pm

KT67 wrote:
... people on here and other sites ignore my words and butt in with their own interpretations or just their own points...
Are there any other options?  Seriously ...


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shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Mar 2021, 2:10 pm

Nonverbal communication

In some situations, communication is necessary

Having written that:. Communication euphemism for noise pollution

:mrgreen:



KT67
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16 Mar 2021, 6:49 pm

Fnord wrote:
KT67 wrote:
... people on here and other sites ignore my words and butt in with their own interpretations or just their own points...
Are there any other options?  Seriously ...


During this virus?

No.

And besides I'm better with written language than I am with spoken.

I made the mistake of moving town a few years before the virus. I did a few courses offline back then, was in a few clubs (proper clubs, this messed up culture might use 'clubs' to mean night clubs but I mean book clubs and football watching etc) but then the virus hit and now I can't go anywhere.


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Last edited by KT67 on 16 Mar 2021, 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

KT67
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16 Mar 2021, 7:01 pm

Also that just sums this place up.

NTs have a weakness or other autistic people have a weakness, I have to be charitable.

I find something hard such as making friends and all of a sudden it's my fault.

I'm autistic. I have social anxiety disorder whether or not people on this site take that seriously is up to you guys. Last time I had a decent friend was 8 years ago. I did a s**t volunteering job - no friends there. I do clubs and courses, decent acquaintances but nobody to the point of swapping numbers.

Some people might not want to take this virus seriously. That's not up to me. My family take it seriously. We don't go out. Not since March.

I can cope with that but what I cannot cope with is when I do try and express my thoughts I get spoken over with irrelevancies. And this isn't just an online thing, so well done for derailing the conversation yet again, this happens irl too.


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KT67
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17 Mar 2021, 4:16 am

And in case you mean options other than acting like that.

Of course there bloody is.

Do what I do.

Understand when a headline is a headline. Or when a few words are a few words.

Read the entire OP.

If other people have replied and it's a page (or maybe even two pages), read the entire f*****g page. (I understand that for very much engaged with conversations this is a waste of time sometimes. Sometimes it's best just to read the page you're on & OP.)

Engage brain.

Respond.

Don't have a series of pre-packaged responses based on single key words/headlines because that is not actually communicating with someone, that is soap boxing. It isn't engaging with the argument properly on PPR, it isn't helpful elsewhere.

It comes across like people don't regularly read books.

In spoken language, the same. Listen to the entire sentence or group of sentences a person says. Take a breath. Think of an original response. If you want to change topic, respond first then find a natural way of doing that, something which links the two so it doesn't seem rude.

This is merely what I do btw. I am not demanding special treatment. I am asking that I get treated as I treat others.

And on PPR? That response does not have to be agreement. It merely has to be taking into account what is actually said and running with it rather than thinking up what to say before you have even read OP.

It's really obvious when people don't read OP. If you cba to read OP/responses, don't reply.


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BeaArthur
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12 Apr 2021, 10:39 am

It sounds like you are blaming this forum and its participants for your failure to feel understood; and in response, you give a list of behaviors that much be adopted (on OUR part) to make you feel more comfortable and understood.

If this is the way you approach human interactions, it's no surprise that you feel alone and isolated.

Club life should start coming back in a while as the pandemic winds down. I hope you'll feel more integrated into society then. We all need to remember that this year-plus has been disastrous on MANY people's mental health; we even have to remind ourselves that it has been hard on OUR OWN mental health.


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12 Apr 2021, 6:04 pm

I know how frustrated you feel. Whenever I try to express my thoughts or feelings I just get told to stop moaning even if I wasn't exactly moaning. I don't think the words "stop moaning" actually means "I don't want you to moan, stop this instance." What it really means is "I don't give a crap about your feelings, I don't understand your feelings so shut up". Or, when people say it when I'm definitely NOT moaning it basically means "I'm not listening to you at all so I'm just going to assume you're moaning and tell you to stop".
The way I see it, I'm not moaning, I'm just overexpressive.

Rant over.


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