I want the truth, but social policy makes that difficult

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CubsBullsBears
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20 Mar 2021, 3:28 am

About a month ago, I was welcomed into a weekly get together where we would play Dungeons and Dragons. It's never really been something I was interested in learning, but I've been doing my best going along with it so that I can be more social.

Anyways, among this group of guys is this one who I have known since the beginning of senior year(so 2 and a half years at this point). As far back as then, he, whom we'll call Zack, was dating this girl, whom we'll call Marie, who also went to our school and was friendly with me throughout senior year and after that. In 2020 I had 2 hangouts with those two and Zack's friends, so I kinda already knew them all going into this whole D and D thing.

The same night I knew that I was invited to D&D nights, I also found out that Zack and Marie had broken up. Zack has made it clear since that he's been hurting. I have helped him the best I can in his difficult time. And, I'm not one to wish that sort of thing on anyone but what happened between them seems to be good for me. He's now a single guy which makes him a bit more relatable to me. Although, perhaps him building friendships with others after the breakup can be a silver lining for him too. That'll make me feel less guilty. Lol.

This is where things get chippy. The guy who hosts the D&D nights at his apartment(whom we'll call Jake)allowed Marie to come over, apparently because she was Jake's friend first and that he doesn't want to pick sides. Ok, I get that.

At the previous D&D night 2 weeks ago(there was no D&D last friday due to other people's schedules), Marie had brought a new BF with her. This upset Zack. And it bothered me that Marie had brought her new BF with her knowing that Zack was going to be there. The following day, I sent Marie a text saying that I don't think she should've done that. Basically, she told me to F off.

Fast forward to last night(which Zack did not come to, btw). After I arrive sit down, Jake tells me "That text you sent to Marie, was not cool". Marie then became kinda bitchy with me, saying some things that make Zack look bad, like how he DID know that Marie's BF was coming over 2 weeks ago. I explained to both of them that I was just going off of what I knew.

Soooooo, it's ok for Marie to jump to conclusions about my intent and criticize me and not think though why I said that, but it's not ok for me to jump to conclusions bc I heard something from a friend of mine and criticize Marie. Wonderful.

The only good thing that happened last night was that Jake and I had a really good conversation about some things between then and when we started D&D. Nonetheless, I am feeling frusturated because this is a situation where I hear contradicting things from both sides. This sorta crap is nothing new to me and I do not want to be around possibly up-to-no-good people, and it is clear that someone is either exaggerating a fact or flat out lying. Maybe Marie is telling the truth that Zack isn't the good guy I see him as. It will be harder to continue a friendship with any of them if I don't know how good of people they all really are. If it turns out that Zack is the kinda person who's a real dick to his girlfriend, I won't see him the same way anymore and it would add to the long list of short-lived friendships/relationships I've had with people over the years that flamed out. I wish that there was a way I could ask both of them more questions without coming off as "intrusive".



kitesandtrainsandcats
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20 Mar 2021, 4:54 am

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Nonetheless, I am feeling frusturated because this is a situation where I hear contradicting things from both sides. This sorta crap is nothing new to me and I do not want to be around possibly up-to-no-good people, and it is clear that someone is either exaggerating a fact or flat out lying. Maybe Marie is telling the truth that Zack isn't the good guy I see him as.

Best I can offer after observing people in life and various social groups and gaming groups during my 2/3 a century of life is, I'm happy to hear it is not new to you, because it is pretty much normal and common human behavior.

Quote:
It will be harder to continue a friendship with any of them if I don't know how good of people they all really are.

It is entirely possible that they themselves do not truly know how good of people they are or are not.

Quote:
If it turns out that Zack is the kinda person who's a real dick to his girlfriend, I won't see him the same way anymore and it would add to the long list of short-lived friendships/relationships I've had with people over the years that flamed out. I wish that there was a way I could ask both of them more questions without coming off as "intrusive".

There isn't a way I've yet seen to ask without being intrusive.

:arrow: NOTE: if they are neurotypical then a substantial portion of what they say about their relationships is going to anywhere from wholly based on to somewhat influenced by their emotions involved in that relationship.
And it is often the case in relationships that if emotions about the relationship and documentable data about the reality of the relationship are contradictory, then the emotions are the default reality.

I have been in several situations in several cities where there was a falling out between mutual friends and I remained on okay terms with each.
Now, how much that might or might not be based on that I didn't touch the difficulty between them was undocumented and remains unknown.


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