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King Kat 1
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22 Mar 2021, 5:07 pm

I don't know how to put it but, it seems like sometimes I'm not heard or I'm ignored. It's like someone can say something and it's the most brilliant witty brilliant thing ever said, but if If I were to say it, it would be like silence and stares. It's almost like people assume I'm slow sometimes or dumb. Most of the time I can brush it off and say F em but it still annoys me.


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Joe90
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22 Mar 2021, 6:03 pm

I know what you mean. I used to get it a lot. Not so much now, because I've gained more confidence, but I still sometimes don't always say things because of the fear that it might be taken the wrong way just because it's me who said it.

But I had this problem more at high school. I would ask a simple question like "what class do we have now?" and the other girls would go "why don't you look at your timetable? Duh!" or something, in a rude voice. But whenever anyone else asked the exact same question they would just respond nicely by saying what class they have next.
Or say if I said that I needed the bathroom, they would just say "then go!" But if someone else said they wanted the bathroom one or two of the others would say "me too" or "I'll go with you" or something like that.


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MidnightRose
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22 Mar 2021, 9:28 pm

You could give a random guy off the street a script from a great comedian and have him go on stage and bomb. You can say the best lines, but it's all in the delivery right? Do you speak with confidence, articulate clearly etc.? If you send off certain vibes through body language or tone you can fail to grab your audience. It sucks that people do that, because body language, tone, cadence, etc. are mostly subconscious, but they do do that. When the same thing happens to me it's because I am sad or anxious and it reflects in how I speak.



EsmeCrowfoot
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29 Mar 2021, 12:37 pm

I find that when I make suggestions, even really good ones, no one ever seems interested in taking them up.



Fnord
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29 Mar 2021, 12:54 pm

EsmeCrowfoot wrote:
I find that when I make suggestions, even really good ones, no one ever seems interested in taking them up.
Welcome aboard!  I hope you find what you are looking for here.

I have to agree with what others have said -- it depends on the delivery.

I like facts.  I like reading and stating facts.  To me, facts alone should convince others of the validity of my claims; but unless I somehow "put on a show", most of the people to whom I present those facts in person will remain unconvinced, and may even side with a better "showman" -- someone whose facts may be outdated, distorted, exaggerated, or just plain wrong.  The only satisfaction I derive from this is the eventual opportunity to gloat a little while saying "I told you so".

Again, welcome aboard!


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30 Mar 2021, 1:29 pm

I think I often display more confidence than I actually have when expressing things. It can also be a problem. It's not necessarily that I doubt what I'm saying, but most of what I say is ultimately personal opinion. I normally do have a reasonable level of confidence in my opinions, but I understand I could be wrong, and I welcome dissenting opinions as long as they're based on sensible reasoning and not just plain parroting or bad faith. It can be tiresome (and even ineffective, anyway) to repeatedly state the level of subjectivity that I understand to be embedded in what I'm saying (I mean, I guess pretty much half of all my sentences sound a lot like this one, or I assume they do, and it still doesn't really seem to be enough, from what I can tell at least. :lol:). I think people often see me as arrogant or pretentious because of this. It has definitely contributed to my overall sense of alienation throughout life, both IRL and online.

I've heard there are languages where "level of subjectivity / source of information" is a grammatical feature just like plurals or verb conjugation. It would be nice if all languages had that.


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Last edited by toadsnail on 30 Mar 2021, 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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30 Mar 2021, 1:39 pm

Yeah....yeah....that happens to me, too!

Not such a "weird social problem." It's more like it's an "inevitable social problem."

It's a manifestation of a Social-Darwinist mindset.

You see this in comedy all the time----the "straight man" taking credit for the ideas originally thought of by the "foil."